


Observations of a Lowly Intern

by conn8d



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 20:25:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/983230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conn8d/pseuds/conn8d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all starts off with Shane and April in a car. But it's not what you think. Shane Ross tries to find his place at Seattle Grace Mercy West. He gets to know his mentor, and does his best to help her find her rightful place there too. Japril will be featured, but follows canon. Spoilers for 9x10 and potentially all episodes through 9x24.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright folks! The one thing I am happy about in canon related to April right now, is her growing friendship with Ross, and the great teacher she is becoming. So I figured, if I must be subjected to knowing what happened when Jackson and Stephanie were in a car together, I am going to write what happened with Shane and April. Don't worry, it's nothing that will fog up any windows y'all. This story will try to follow canon a bit, but also Shane is going to be a little schemer and try to get Jackson and April back together. Apologies for any voicing issues; I don't know Shane very well. I'll update as we learn more in new episodes. Thank you so much for reading, and please to write a few words to let me know what you think!**

* * *

 

Shane gulped, and awkwardly glanced over to the driver's seat, where his mentor sat, gripping the steering wheel, keeping her eyes resolutely on the road in front of them. In retrospect, carpooling to the wedding had probably not been the best idea. Only the sounds of their uncomfortable breathing broke the silence in the car. They'd tried the radio, but it turned out that late night offerings were pretty slim.

Dr. Kepner, for her part was being really nice about everything and for that, Shane was really grateful. He felt like a total idiot. Neither of them had gotten stupid drunk. Or danced. In fact, he was pretty sure that he could safely say that neither one of them had had much fun at the wedding at all.

Which was pretty much his fault. He'd over assumed, made his little note cards, and tried to fend off what he'd imagined was an unwanted sexual advance from his teacher. Shane knew that he'd misread the signs, though he did think that it wasn't entirely his fault. After all, in the short time since he'd started the residency program at Seattle Grace Mercy West no less than 4 interns that he knew of had had...liaisons with attendings. In his own friend circle, Leah and Heather had already slept with Dr. Karev.

Add to that, all the rumors they'd heard about things that had happened in this hospital in the past? Shane thought he was a little justified in being suspicious. On paper, everything made sense. Dr. Kepner was a gorgeous woman and she'd looked particularly beautiful that night. He didn't think that he was tooting his horn too much if he admitted to himself that he'd looked pretty dapper in his tux, and he'd known he was handsome since he was a little kid. And the two of them got along and worked together well in the hospital. According to the rules of social culture of Seattle Grace, Shane thought he wasn't completely crazy for being paranoid.

Except that his paranoia had turned out to be just that, and now Shane was afraid he'd blown it with the one attending who'd actually given him more opportunities to learn to be a doctor than anyone else. The other interns might laugh and make fun of how much Shane liked working with 'The Dud", and lumps, bumps, and ER days were infinitely less cool than cardio, peds, or even plastic surgery rotations, but he knew for a fact that neither Jo, Steph, Leah, or Heather had done as many actually solo procedures as he had. It was one thing to observe and possibly assist with a procedure, but actually getting in there and actually learning to deal with patients was a whole other kettle of fish.

Working with Kepner, Shane had learned a lot. It had gotten him an in on Derek Shepherd's awesome nerve transplant. And unlike dealing with some of the other attendings, he always felt like Kepner kind of had his back. If he made a mistake, he knew it wouldn't result in being humiliated for it or put down. Shane had liked working with Kepner. He'd liked having a mentor. He liked being her guy. Professionally, at least.

Only now, he was pretty sure he'd blown it. Shane could tell that things were awkward between them, ever since his outburst at the reception.

April slowly pulled to a stop in front of his apartment building. Shane scowled suspiciously. The place was dark. Looked like Jo and Steph weren't back yet. Which was weird, considering that he and Dr. Kepner had seen no sign of either of them at the wedding. He swallowed. It might not be so hard to guess where they were. The idea was a little sickening. He just couldn't understand how anyone, after working so long and so hard to even get the opportunity to be in the residency program, how someone could put all that in jeopardy over what? A little romp with a superior. He could really see no way that that would end well for the intern. The attending had the control, and the superiority.

Okay, maybe one time in history it had ended well. For Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd. But Shane doubted it would work for anyone else. Jo and Stephanie were hardly Meredith Grey. And Dr. Avery and Dr. Karev were nothing like Dr. Shepherd, so-

"Shane?"

It took him a minute to get out of his thoughts and realize that April was talking to him. He shook himself and turned to face her.

"We're here," she continued, with a weak smile. "Y-You can get out now..."

"Oh. Okay, but before I do," Shane sighed, deciding to apologize one last time, and to try to salvage any chance he had to maintain good terms with his mentor. "I just want to say how sorry I am again...for..."

Dr. Kepner shook her head, "Ross, it's really not a problem-"

He held up a hand and cleared his throat, "Please just hear me out: I hope this doesn't make things difficult between us because I really do appreciate everything you've been teaching me and-

"Well it's okay Shane," April said using one hand to play with her necklace. " Some of this is on me. If you are still comfortable working with me then I see no reason why we can't carry on. If you want to."

"Of course I am still comfortable," he replied, shaking his head.

"Okay, if you want to keep working with me," Dr. Kepner sighed and looked at her knees pensively. "But by no means are you bound to. You'd probably be better off on Dr. Yang's service again, anyway. Or Bailey's. It seems like I haven't been doing anything right lately, so why not add teaching to the list?"

"No," Shane didn't even have time to stop and think before his honest words fell from this lips. "You are a good mentor. Really. I've learned so much from you."

Kepner only shrugged, and he sighed. He'd heard that she'd gotten fired before. Though he wasn't sure when exactly. One of the nurses swore it was years ago, and the lady in the cafeteria had told him it was within the past year. And everyone knew that she was the only attending in her year who was not board certified. And Leah had told him that she'd over heard the chief resident joking that even if he did a crappy job, at least he could get people to listen to him. The words, if Shane was remembering them correctly, were, "At least I'm not the Dud."

And Shane didn't know much about Dr. Kepner's personal life, but he'd always thought she seemed a little sad. Rumor had it that she and Dr. Avery had had. some sort of thing going on for the past little while, but none of his sources had much detail on that. All that was certain was that it had ended. So he could kind of understand, about her feeling all bummed. But, at least in terms of his experience with her teaching, Shane had to set his boss straight.

"I truly mean it," he pressed forward, frowning when Kepner only shrugged.

"If I had a choice of whose rotation I could be on, I would pretty much always pick you. Not just because your...nice," Shane swallowed, remembering his gross misinterpretation of her niceness that evening. "Because, if I work with you, I know I am going to get to try something new for myself."

Judging by the look on her face, Shane was pretty sure that at least some of what he was saying was getting through. Her look of complete skepticism was being slowly replaced by a small smile.

"Not all of the attendings are like that, you know?" Shane continued. "They don't always want to make sure we learn, I mean 90% of the time, everyone else gives us scut work. Worse than scut work. Heather said she spend a whole day answering Dr. Grey's phone! And Dr. Yang doesn't even bother to learn our names, and Dr. Avery just..."

April laughed awkwardly and looked sad again, cutting him off, "Okay...I get it. It's fine, Ross. Thank you. We'll just keep going and pretend this never happened, okay? "

"Okay," Shane nodded. "Tonight was all my fault, Dr. Kepner."

Kepner's arched eyebrows approached her hairline, "How many times to I have to tell you? It really isn't an issue."

The words that came out of his mouth next, surprised Shane, because they were very personal, and he'd really had no intention of sharing them in the first place.

"I just feel so bad that I misread things tonight. I've never been good at...knowing about stuff like that actually," Shane admitted, revealing more about that part of himself than he had to anyone since moving to Seattle. "You know...romantic stuff."

To his surprise, Dr. Kepner only nodded, "Me neither."

Shane found that statement hard to believe, not for someone as good looking and kind as his mentor, so he further clarified how the night's events fit into his broader issues with the opposite sex, "I mean, I've...misinterpreted things before."

Laura Castinelli in med school. Tori Wiggut in high school. Heck, he'd been certain Maya Meyer back in 7th grade history had been all over him. He actually had a pattern, now that he thought of it.

"Me too," April agreed shoulders slumping.

"Really?" Shane inquired skeptically.

"Totally."

It just seemed hard for him to believe, that his capable trauma surgeon teacher would have trouble with this. That just couldn't be true, unless...It must happen to everyone. Shane felt a little less like a fool. He was sorely temped to ask with whom exactly, Dr. Kepner had misinterpreted things, but he deemed the question to be too personal.

Shane joked, "I guess it happens to the best of us."

"I guess so," Dr. Kepner smiled brightly.

They both sat in the car quietly again. This little exchange was the least awkward conversation of the night. Shane was beginning to think that tonight hadn't completely ruined things between himself and Dr. Kepner at all. He thought that it would actually be okay to work together, and he was glad that she seemed willing to continue to mentor him.

Pulling open the door handle, Shane said, "I really am grateful to have you teach me, Dr. Kepner. The ER really was pretty awesome tonight. All those abrasions and stitches and biker's. I never really thought that much about trauma and out-patient stuff in med school, but now that I have done a bit, I must say, it really is interesting."

"Well, back in my intern year, I didn't spare a second thought to trauma either, but it really grows on you. Just wait until another big car crash comes in...then you'll really see some cool stuff," he noted that certain fire in her eyes that appeared when ever she spoke about her specialty. That is job satisfaction right there. Everything he strove for. Talk about loving your work.

Shane leaned toward April conspiratorially, "Is it bad to kind of wish for one?"

She gasped in mock horror and then shrugged, "Every trauma surgeon's dilemma. Better to wish that you happen to be there when a big trauma comes in. Whenever that happens to be...Or whatever it happens to be!"

Laughing at her final addition, Shane asked, "Weird stuff, huh?"

"Everything you can imagine," April said excitedly, smiling and gesturing with both hands. "Probably stuff you can't even imagine. Oh, I have some stories..."

"Cool!"

Shane was smiling too, and he still hadn't completely exited the car. He moved a little bit further, but paused when Dr. Kepner spoke again.

"Actually Ross...I...if you are interested in hearing them...or learning more about trauma oor adjusting to first year at all really," she paused and fumbled, chewing part of her lip with her top teeth. Now, "I don't want you to get the wrong idea, especially with everything that's happened, but...if you'd like we could get coffee sometime? Just t-to talk, you know. About trauma. And stuff. Not like a date or anything."

"Yeah, I'd like that!" Shane agreed instantly. The opportunity to pick an attending's brain on their own specialty, uninterrupted, in a low pressure, stress free environment? Hell yeah. He was down. He thought it sounded like Kepner had a lot of fascinated cases to talk about too.

"Oh," April grinned, clearly relieved that they were on the same page. "Okay! That sounds great. Next week?"

"Sure," he nodded, slipping out of the car.

"Have a good night Ross."

"You too, Dr. Kepner."

Shane slammed the door, and made his way to his apartment door, grinning. The night really had turned around. He was glad that he'd actually talked with his mentor. As far as he was concerned, things always went better in relationships of any sort when all the cards were on the table and all parties knew that they said. No room for confusion.

Unlocking the door and stepping inside, Shane waved at the car. April had stayed idleling on the street as she waited to make sure he got inside. She waved back and the car sped off. Walking inside the living room, Shane smirked.

He didn't care what his roommates had gotten up to tonight. There was just no way that it was better for them professionally than his conversation in the car with Dr. Kepner. He felt certain that this was just the beginning of a beautiful...

Mentorship? They already kind of were on their way to that really, as far as he was concerned. Shane didn't want to over read the signals again, but the first word that came to mind when he completed that sentence was friendship.

He felt like this could just be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


	2. Chapter 2

Shifting his shoulders to a silent beat in his head, Shane snapped his fingers as he leisurely changed into his street clothes for the night.

Today had actually turned out to be a good day. Granted, he hadn't gotten the chance to do any real surgeries, but he had spent a lot of time with Dr. Shepherd. Playing ping pong. Kicking ass at it, as a matter of fact. And earning him a cool neuro scrub in in the process. It was just like Dr. Kepner had told him at one of their recent coffee hangouts. Even the most trivial of duties, like helping Shepherd rehab his hand, could provide opportunities within the hospital.

Shane snapped his fingers, and smiled when he heard the locker room door open, ushering in the familiar voices of his friends. He straightened his shoulders, folded his scrubs, and closed his locker. Walking down the center aisle to reveal himself to his friends, Shane could hear clearer and clearer snippets of the conversation between the women. And what he heard made him freeze.

"Just shut up, Leah," Stephanie growled uncomfortably.

"There's nothing wrong with it," Heather interjected. "You don't have to feel bad."

Leah snorted, "Oh, so it's no big deal for her to do it, and keep it secret, but when we do the exact same thing it's sad and pathetic."

Heather replied, "Hey? When did I become sad and pathetic?"

"You slept with Dr. Karev too."

"That doesn't make me sad and pathetic! People were only saying that you were sad and pathetic because you expected him to call you back!"

"Obviously that's not Edwards problem," Leah sneered. "Dr. Pretty calls you back. And puts you on his service. Way to secretly sleep your way to the top! With an Avery too. Doesn't get much better than-"

"Stop it! Please. Just shut up!"

Rounding the corner, Stephanie came face to face with Shane. His good mood popped like a bubble. He was frozen in shock, unable to stop his jaw from hanging open. When she saw him, Steph ducked her head and wouldn't meet his eyes. Confirming, more than the conversation that he'd just heard could, everything Shane really didn't want to know. Everything he didn't really want to be true. The very thing he hadn't wanted to infer as happening when Stephanie wasn't at home at the apartment the night before the wedding.

Leah and Heather were still bickering as they rounded the corner, but they both stopped when they saw Shane gaping. He didn't really know how he'd ended up becoming friends with any of this group. Probably just circumstance. He lived in an apartment with two of them. Often times he felt like the odd one out. And not just because he was a guy. Because of the kind of professionalism he believed in.

"Shane..." Stephanie began wearily.

Swallowing once, Shane was able to force his feet to move. He quickly brushed past all of them without a word, bursting into the hallway and getting out of there as fast as he could. He didn't know why he felt like he'd had the air punched out of him. Stephanie was free to do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted. And she was free to tell him or not tell him. It was, in fact, a free country. He had no right to react this way.

Shane realized that he was practically stomping his feet. He was steaming mad. The thing was, Stephanie was his friend. Probably the closest friend out of the interns that he had. It kind of hurt to find out that she was keeping a secret from him. And the secret itself hurt more than he thought it would. When he'd gotten into the residency program at Seattle Grace Mercy West, Shane had made a commitment to focus on his studies, and his medical career alone. No time for the ladies right now.

And he did stand by that decision. However, Shane realized, if he was honest with himself, the one lady he might go for around here, if he was going for them, would probably be Stephanie. So yeah, it bothered him to know she was sleeping with their boss. Even though he had no right to care.

Shane rounded a corner, heading for the elevators and ran straight into the one person he didn't want to see. Dr. Avery. The man looked irritated and concerned. Possibly even a little misty. He sighed and stepped to in the same direction as Shane was attempting to move out of the way. He clumsily tried to move in the other direction, only to bump into Dr. Avery again.

"Ross!" he said shaking his head. "Get out of the way!"

The plastics fellow gently but firmly shoved Shane out of the way and continued storming down the wall. Shane watched the man walk away. He sighed. No ladies rule or not, he knew he couldn't hold a candle to the handsome and successful Dr. Avery. Even when he competed.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Shane reached the elevators, pressing the button and waiting for the next one to arrive. He scowled, and couldn't stop himself from repeatedly kicking the metal trash can that sat between the two sets of elevators.

Whatever feelings he had inside, he realized that the fact that Stephanie had kept her...whatever it was with Dr. Avery a secret from him bothered him the most. Because they did share things with each other. She was the only person who knew about his deepest reasons for becoming a physician. He knew about her childhood, and he was the one she'd come to for comfort after being banned from the OR. They were close. At least, he'd thought so.

The elevator doors opened, revealing a somewhat tearful looking Dr. Kepner. Upon seeing her, Shane froze and awkwardly stepped into the elevator. In the short time that he'd known April Kepner, he'd never seen her like this. He swallowed and held his hands behind his back, feeling both embarrassed for his kicking outburst, and curious as to what April knew about all of this. Judging by her red rimmed eyes, she knew something. During the course of their growing friendmentorship (Shane's own magnificent word invention), Kepner had never really shared with him anything about her connection, friendship or otherwise, to Dr. Avery.

He only knew what he saw, and what Shane saw spoke volumes. Kepner watched Avery. When they were in the same room, she watched him. Shane didn't really think that she even knew that she did, but it was happening all the same. Her longing gaze tracked him like a compass, deviating only to focus on the tasks of her job. But he was pretty sure that what April didn't realize is that whenever she wasn't looking directly at him, Dr. Avery was watching her too.

Shane didn't get it. If the plastic surgeon dug Kepner, and she dug him, why couldn't they just work it out? Whatever had happened between them before. Clearly all parties involved were miserable and Shane was irrationally angry that the plastic surgeon had dragged that misery into his own life somehow. By sleeping with Stephanie. Kepner and Avery needed to just get over it. Or move on. Shane swallowed.

Not that his opinion on the subject mattered.

April sniffed, and took in a shaky breath before breaking the silence between them. Holding her tears back, she pulled her lips into a smile that almost reached her eyes.

"You okay, Dr. Ross?" she inquired evenly, whipping at the corner of one eye.

Shane stiffened, not at all ready to explore his feelings at all. He counted, "Are you?"

"I asked you first," April said, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"You're the one crying in an elevator." Internally he cringed. Shane didn't mean to be rude. He was just a little disoriented at the moment.

She crossed her arms, speaking with only the slightest waver in her voice, "You were the one kicking a trashcan while it's down. At least I had my emotional outburst in private."

Shane couldn't help chuckle. A small smile played at his mentor's lips too. The elevator doors opened and they walked out, heading through the front doors and into the parking lot.

"How was your day in neuro?" Dr. Kepner said, as they walked toward the rows of cars. It was plain ordinary small talk, and Shane found it very much welcome.

"Good for your continued quest to become the next Dr. Shepherd?" she added, teasingly.

"It's fine," he admitted, shoving his hands into his pockets. "All I did today was play ping pong with him. But it was really good. I think Dr. Shepherd likes me."

Shane was glad that his mentor didn't seem to mind his continued interest in neuro surgery. She ribbed him about it of course, and still tried to jokingly lure him over to the 'dark side', trauma. But it didn't stop Dr. Kepner from being there for him, and giving him all the advice he asked for. She'd said it before: Shane had to figure out what specialty was best for him, and roll with that, no matter what anyone said.

"Ah well," April laughed, despite her melancholy mood. "You missed out today! Couple with stripper pole related injuries came through the ER today."

"What?"

"I'm serious."

"Now that's a story. And it doesn't involve puss. Or butts."

They'd reached April's car. He turned to awkwardly continue walking to his own vehicle, but he could feel Dr. Kepner's gaze on his back.

He was just about to walk away when she asked, "What are you up to tonight, Ross?"

Shane honestly didn't know. He was reluctant to go home, since it would most likely mean that he would run into Stephanie. Jo never seemed to come home these days, and he just wasn't sure he was ready to face Steph yet. She probably thought he was an ass for the way he stormed out on her. He'd never meant to act that way. He liked to think he was a gentlemen.

"I...I don't know," he replied honestly. "Not much."

"Uh..." April shrugged, gesturing behind her. "I was actually planning to head over to Emerald City Bar for a bit. You're welcome to join me. You look like you could use a drink too."

Though he wasn't a big drinker, Shane did think that sounded about right. He could hangout a little bit, calm himself down more, and hopefully delay the moment he had to face his roommate again. Maybe if he stayed out long enough, she'd already be asleep by the time she got home.

"Okay," he agreed, falling into step beside Dr. Kepner as they walked the short distance and across the street to the bar. "Sounds nice."

"I can't promise you that I will be the best of company, " April remarked sadly as they slunk through the front doors and headed for a booth in the back. "But I do know that this place has got pretty good food. Are you hungry, Shane?"

"Not really," he replied as she lifted a menu and began scanning through it.

"No? Tough luck, I am...let's get nachos...that's a comfort food."

"Heart burn inducing," Shane commented wryly.

Dr. Kepner's shoulders sagged and she replied mournfully, "There is more than one way for your heart to burn, Ross."

"Yeah."

She slammed the menu shut and stood up, "What do you want to drink? First round's on me."

"A strawberry daiquiri, please?"

April raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

"I like the taste."

It was his favorite drink, and Shane was depressed enough tonight to indulge. Soon enough, Dr. Kepner returned with their drinks, and a plate of nachos. They sat and chatted in the dim bar, and it really wasn't that bad. He knew that they weren't in the best of moods, but it was kind of nice to not be alone. It was also the first time that the two of them were really hanging out in a strictly friendly capacity. Not that their coffees weren't 'friendly' in tone, but it was clear to Shane that tonight was different. They weren't talking about medical cases, or about surviving intern year. They were talking about themselves.

Shane couldn't help but think about how this wedding reception thing had played out. Jo and Karev had ended up becoming drinking buddies. He and Kepner were...well they were building a strong teaching relationship (though tonight they were drinking buddies too). Only Stephanie and Avery had ended up living up to the hospital gossip. Out of the three couplings, Shane laughed at just how badly he'd misjudged the outcome. He just hadn't thought his friend would go for something like that. No matter how easy on the eyes Avery was.

He drank more and more, letting the thoughts swirl around in his head. He'd originally intended to just have the one drink. Just one drink and then hangout. Nothing more. He expected to have an easy night. Shane did not expect his drink to taste quite so good, or for his mentor to be quite so sympathetic or for the nachos to taste nearly as good as they did. Shane had not expected to get drunk. He hadn't expected to end up spilling his heart out to his mentor.

"What is it with this hospital and sex?" Shane demanded, pulling the straw out of his glass and gesturing vaguely.

"Excuse me?" Across the table, April blinked.

"Sex!" he said firmly. "I mean, I get it. It feels good. Hor-mones, endolphins, and stuff. It's a good stress reliever. And we're stressed."

Wincing, Kepner turned her head to onside and covered her mouth with one hand. It was pretty steady, but there was a slightly unstable motion. Kepner was tipsy but not nearly as wasted as he was. Even when he was drunk, Shane was observant. His mentor was laughing at him.

"But come on!" Shane continued passionately, bumping his hand against his glass and making a small amount of red liquid slosh from his glass. "Hands work just as well to...get to the hormolphins and the stress relief, you know? I ask you: Do we not all have hands?"

April chocked and spat out a mouthful of scotch, "I am so not drunk enough to have this conversation with you. And I don't want to get there."

"Kep-nerrr," Shane moaned, resting his head on the cool surface of the table. "I am drunk."

"That you are," April agreed, using a stack of napkins to clean up the spills. "A sloppy one too. It's those fruity drinks. They go straight to your head."

"But why?" he demanded in a fog. "Why did they do it?"

"The fruity drinks?"

"No," Shane slurred. "Stephanie Edwards and Jackson Avery. They're doing it, did you know?"

Watching April's reaction, he felt dimly guilty. He shouldn't be talking about this with his boss. He shouldn't be talking about other co-workers behind their backs. He collected gossip, but he didn't spread it. He should not be talking about this. Not just because it was wrong, but because Shane knew enough to know that this topic of conversation would hurt Dr. Kepner. And even a drunk monkey could see that she was already hurting.

Blinking back fresh tears, April hung her head, letting her long red hair fall into her face. She held on to her glass with both hands, spinning it around in measured circles, leaving condensation shapes on the table. For a long time she didn't say anything, and Shane thought that maybe she wasn't going to say anything at all.

"I know," she answered quietly. "Jackson told me."

That was a surprise. That was unexpected. Honorable even. Shane leaned back and listed to one side. A surprise indeed. And of course it added so many questions about the nature of Kepner and Avery's relationship to his addled mind. He couldn't quite pin them all down right now. He'd have to try again when he was sober. Or now.

"Sure as hell beats overhearing it in a locker room," Shane said, not willing to face the whiny tone that slipped into his voice.

"It does," April agreed. "Still sucks though."

"Yeah." He scratched his nose and tried to focus on not falling out of his seat. "You just seem...sad. Why...you don't-why aren't you mad? I'm mad."

"Don't have the energy for it. I don't have room left to feel it," Kepner said, voice wavering after a long pause. She shrugged, "Jackson and I aren't together...I'm not even sure we ever were. I don't know what we were but we're definitely not together right now. He can do what he wants."

"But..." Shane wrinkled his face. "I'm confuse-ed."

"So am I."

"What's your deal with him then? You...dated?"

"Sort of. I thought so for a while, but now...I don't know. B-basically we were friends. Since intern year," she shrugged again. "We were friends. Until we...weren't."

"It's nice to have friends," Shane mumbled, jerkily lifting a nacho to his mouth.

April nodded, and sniffed, biting her lower lip, "Yes. It is."

"You're not friends with Avery now?"

"No," she took a long and painful looking swallow, polishing off the last of her scotch. "No. Not right now."

"Too hard?"

"Yes. But it's my own fault. A lot of this is...because I am me...and I'm...crazy. I should have just waited."

"Waited for what?"

Kepner dabbed at her eye again, and laughed humorlessly, "I don't even know why I am telling you any of this."

To be quite perfectly honest, Shane didn't know why she was telling him. Or why he cared. It just seemed like the thing to do. The substance of this evening, was this conversation, and it mattered. That was all he could comprehend.

So Shane tilted his head to one side, "It's nice to have friends."

They shared a long gaze. That is what tonight was really about, Shane realized.

"What should you have w-waited for?"

April sighed and pursed her lips, looking directly at him, seemingly weighing a decision in her mind. After a moment, she shook her head and answered, "My wedding night."

Oh. Shane dropped his nacho chip. Oh. One of those. Not everyone can stick to their believes for so long, regardless as to what they were. Good for her. Big Momma Ross would approve.

"So you were?"

"Yes."

"Until..."

"Yes."

"Only you couldn't wait anymore," Shane concluded. Maybe the hand really couldn't cut it.

"Nope. And even though things are this messed up? I wouldn't change that. That it was him. That I..that we...did," April's eyes widened. "It's wrong and it goes against most of what I believe, but...I wouldn't change it."

"Did he know he was y-our...fir-st?"

"He did."

"And now he's just...sexing up someone else. So...quickly. Just like that?"

Wincing, April shook her head, "Goes to show...but I did hurt him, I know. I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to. I'm so weak. And I am a little drunk and I am not making sense. And I'm sad. "

"You still care about him."

"A lot," she answered thickly. The muscles in April's throat quivered and her face crumpled.

Shane watched in drunken horror as his mentor hung her head and started to sob, right there in the booth. He still didn't really know why he was so interested in all of this, but he certainly hadn't meant to make her cry. Struggling to remain perched on his seat, Shane reached out one hand and rested it on April's shoulder.

"S'okay," he said awkwardly, wishing that he wasn't slurring as much as he really was. "You'll...things will work out the way they are s'posed to, Kepner. You're too ni-ce not to get a happy ending."

"Th-thanks."

After a few minutes April seemed to have cried herself out. She ran a hand through her hair, pulling herself together and taking a deep breath. Looking back at him gratefully, she said, "You like Edwards, then?"

"No," Shane said petulantly, shaking his head, and trying but failing to successful bring his straw to his lips. "I'm focused. I am becoming a surgeon. No lady time. No time for ladies."

"I mean, I app-reciate you're righteous indignation," April continued, disbelievingly. "But I think you must have more stake in this than you realize."

Sighing, Shane stared at his hands. Given how much about herself his mentor had revealed to him, he realized he should probably return the favor. What did it hurt? She probably wasn't going to make fun of him.

"Mmm-maybe. Maybe I like her." The unbidden crack in his voice did not go unnoticed.

"Ah...and does she know?"

"I-I don't know. I don't think so. It's t-tricky. I'm r-really not looking to deal with all that kind of stuff right now. Na-til I'm fin-ished. I have goals."

"Goals don't stop you from feeling things, huh?"

"Na-really."

"You wish she felt the same way? Bout putting love off and focusing on work?"

"Yes."

"You don't have the same beliefs."

"Pparently not."

April nodded knowingly, "Well Ross, I hear that."

"You do."

"You know...it is all well and good to focus on your work and stuff. Res-dency is hard."

"It is," he agreed.

"But!" Kepner held up a finger. "Don't use that as an excuse to miss out on learning how to be a person too. S'pecially with the boy girl stuff...sex stuff...try to learn something. Don't put it off. Take it from me."

"Ok-ay," Shane nodded earnestly.

She looked at her watch and frowned, "It's late. I am going to go close the tab. Joe can call us a taxi. We'll share."

He nodded again, watching his mentor raise shakily, and trying to track her deliberate walk to the bar counter. She was a good person, he thought smiling faintly. Always looking out for him. Telling him stuff. Even personal stuff. It was nice. Shane suddenly felt tired, so he laid out on the booth bench, resting his head on his hands. After a few minutes, April's face came into blurry focus. She was leaning under the table, watching him and suspiciously glancing at the array of old used gum on the underside.

"Ross? Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Shane yawned. "I fo'got to tell you...I'm a sleepy drunk too."

It was the real reason he didn't drink much.

April smiled and squeezed his shoulder, "Cab's on its way. You can sleep. I'll wake you up when it gets here."

Shane's eyes drooped and he mumbled, "Thanks Dr. Kepner. I needed this."

He opened his eyes just enough to see her lay down on the other side of the booth. They were eye to eye.

"Me too, Dr. Ross."


	3. Chapter 3

Shane sighed and swallowed, squinting at the dim glow of the computer screen in front of him. Directly across from him sat Dr. Kepner, already clad in street clothes, who also stared at a matching research library computer. They were both frantically searching through the backlogs of the hospital's latest 990 tax forms. He thought it was dreadfully boring, but Kepner had asked him to help her out, and given what he'd heard on the grapevine about the shaky status of Seattle Grace Mercy West's financials, and the even more uncertain future of the ER, Shane was eager to do what he could. He was proud of his program and he didn't want the hospital to lose it's level 1 trauma status. At the same time, however, he felt distracted.

"I screwed up," Shane muttered, shaking his head. "With Medusa of all people. She hates me."

"I'm sure it isn't as bad as all of that," April said absentmindedly, as she continued to read the pages in front of her.

"I did, I screwed up and now she's gonna tell Dr. Shepherd what an idiot I am and he's never going to have me on his service again..."

"Surely it's not as bad as all of that," she replied shaking her head and scrolling further. "Now, you are on the 2010 return, right? What's the discretionary fund total for that year? Should be line item number 87..."

"What?"

"It might have a different name. Look for things like...housing allowance, miscellaneous expenses, recruitment funds, or overhead incidentals."

Shane felt line the pdf in front of him was slowly morphing into a zebra like blur of black and white lines. How the hell was he supposed to know? Especially when he'd messed up so terribly that the only thing he really could see right before his eyes was the end of what he liked to think of as his promising surgical career.

Throwing up his hands, Shane shrugged, "I don't even know what you are saying right now."

April's face appeared along side her computer monitor, "Focus Ross! We need to find out where some money can be trimmed, without closing the ER!"

"I'm sorry," Shane mumbled petulantly. "I've never really been good with money, anyway. My mother still helps me do my taxes. And I can't concentrate. My mistake could ruin my chances as a resident here."

She sighed and pressed a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes for a brief moment. Shane felt bad. He could see the stress that this whole situation was having on her. Of course she'd be more worried about losing her beloved ER, than over his stupidity on Meredith's service. He allowed his mind to think the whole cut through, and realized, with some alarm, that losing the ER would change everything at the hospital. Even for him. What would happen to his mentor if the ER did shut down? She was a trauma surgeon. The ER was where trauma's came from.

And, as much as Shane found her to be a bomb teacher, and so far a pretty good friend, it was common knowledge that Dr. Kepner was the only person at her level who had not passed board certifications. He still didn't know the whole story there. April seemed to know every rule and could run the pit like it was a machine, so it seemed a little odd to him that she'd failed to pass an oral exam on the same topic. And not having that certification was a liability. If the ER really did go, and that didn't save enough money, the next logical step would be to cut people. And Shane worried that Dr. Kepner might be one of the first to go.

"So, you made a mistake," April said suddenly, tapping her fingers on the table expectantly. "Tell me what you learned from it."

"Um...that I am an unqualified idiot?" He replied dejectedly.

She tilted her head to one side, and sighed, "No, you made a mistake. It happens. The only thing that will make you an unqualified idiot is if you don't learn from it."

"Never ever ever. Make pregnant Medusa mad," Shane sniffed, placing his elbow on the table, and leaning his head down to rest on his curled fist. It wasn't a really serious reply, but he felt like his mistake was doubly worse because it not only almost cost a pregnant woman her life, but also because it had happened on Meredith Grey's service.

"Wrong," April said shaking her head. "Look...I...okay: Do you want to know why I am so hard on you guys in the pit? Why do we have the intake checklist? Or why I make everyone update the OR board consistently?"

"Because you delight in the suffering of others?" Shane quipped, smirking at her.

She smirked and wrinkled her nose before turning serious, "No. It's because of my mistakes. In my third year, right after the hospital merger, we had a huge hotel fire come through the pit. It was crazy and chaotic, and I got distracted. I was doing a woman's intake and I forgot a step. I didn't check her airway. I didn't see that there was soot present and that mistake lead to her death. And I got fired. If I'd had a checklist, I would have caught myself and none of that would have happened."

He tried to hide his surprise, by glancing back at the computer screen in front of him. Shane felt like crap for almost causing his patient to lose her liver transplant. He felt terribly guilty even though in the end things had all worked out. He couldn't even begin to imagine bearing the guilt of actually knowing that you had caused someone's death. Looking at his mentor now, he could just see the weight of all that. In her eyes, and shoulders. Shane hadn't lost anyone like that yet. He'd lost patients, yes. But only because there was nothing that could be done medically to prevent it. No one had died from his mistake.

That would just be crushing to carry around. If it was him, he'd rather not think about it.

"Then, my fifth year," April continued. "First day as chief resident, I was in charge and there was a huge sinkhole downtown, and it was really crazy. And the boards weren't getting updated and I sent the wrong patient into Bailey's OR. Almost cut into a guy who didn't even need that surgery! That's when I learned that updates boards in a proper and consistent way is essential. Even when your co-workers don't want to do it."

Shane raised his eyebrows, "You really keep track of all your mistakes..."

"I have to," she agreed. "You have to make the mistakes matter, or else...when they don't matter is when you as a doctor are truly stupid. And it's a disservice to the patient you hurt. So tell me, what did you learn?"

Shane closed his eyes and thought back to the moment in the OR when he'd cut the wrong chord. He'd been nervous because of his screw up with the patients labs, and Meredith Grey was intimidating enough when you were feeling confident. He remembered thinking that he just wanted to get in, get the liver, and get out of there. He didn't ask questions like he normally did, because Medusa had been grumpy on the ambulance ride over because he rambled too much.

"Um...well, I wasn't really feeling comfortable. I cut the hylum. I guess...Dr. Grey and I weren't really communicating that well, and we didn't really talk about her approach before...I was kind of afraid to say anything."

"Okay. That's a lesson learned. Don't be afraid to speak up and get a solid plan figured out before you go in there. I know some attendings are hard to talk to, but when it comes to something going wrong on the table, you have to be willing to get them to explain their plans to you so that you don't mess things up."

"Right...well, I can try at least. I doubt Dr. Grey will ever want to work with me again."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," April shook her head. "Last year, when Catherine Avery came in with this awesome penile transplant case I over suctioned an entire dorsal vein and she still works with me from time to time."

Kepner's face became pensive and she trailed off, biting the corner of her lip and looking back at her computer's monitor. An Avery mention. Not the Avery Shane suspected April was still thinking about, but a mention all the same. Since their drunken night of mutual sympathy several days past, the subject of Dr. Jackson Avery hadn't really come up between them. Shane did however, notice a marked change in how they interacted. Things had been strained and awkward between the two attendings before, but now as far as he could tell, the pair seemed to be actively avoiding each other. It was kind of sad, because when they did cross paths professionally, Jackson still watched April, and April still watched him. And he seemed to know Jackson's mother well too. He filed that piece of information in the back of his mind.

"Dr. Avery's mom?" Shane pushed.

"Uh, yes..." April replied absently.

"That must have been a little awkward."

April blinked, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear, "No, actually. She's...she's great. Amazing. Really...she was a mentor of mine. Sort of."

"Oh," Shane's eyes widened and he checked his watch. "Uh, Dr. Kepner? It's 3:30. When do you have to go?"

He smirked as his mentor jumped, checking her own watch and gasping again at the time.

"Uh, I-I don't really-"

He knew that April was going on a date. Stephanie had told him gleefully, when they'd eaten lunch outside by the loading dock. She was not as observant as Shane, and seemed to have missed all the signs that he saw between her lover (he refused to call Jackson her boyfriend) and his mentor.

At least Shane and Stephanie were talking again. He'd acutely felt the absence of their conversations in the half day it had taken before he approached her and apologized for acting weird. He still wasn't okay with what she was doing, but she didn't have to know just how much. He could forgive her and agree to disagree. It was hard, but he'd missed his friend, and he was still afraid that she'd end up hurt. Steph didn't seem to be worried at all though. At least now, after spending time learning in the pit, she finally agreed with him about Kepner not being 'the dud'.

"You don't really what?" he teased. "Have a hot date?"

Kepner flushed, and ducked her head, holding back a smile, "I-who told...?"

"I have my sources," Shane waggled his eyes brows and grinned mischievously, watching as his mentor gulped and started to fidget with her hair and sweater.

"It's only coffee," she stated firmly, as though she needed to hear the words out loud to believe them. April gestured at her clothing, "I mean, this looks okay for a coffee date, doesn't it?"

"You would know better than me."

Shane would never admit it, but dating really was not something he had much of a track record of success with. He didn't typically have problems getting dates so much as a problem getting second dates. The few times it had come up in conversations, his friends opinions on his situation differed. Jo said it was because he talked too much. Leah said it was because he was boring. Heather said it was hard for anybody. Then Stephanie generally told them to shut up. Luckily, he'd made the professional decision in his second year of medical school to concentrate on becoming a surgeon 100%.

"I don't go on many dates," Dr. Kepner admitted.

"Who is this guy anyway?"

"Matthew Taylor. The paramedic? You know, the incredibly tall one?"

Shane didn't know actually. Normally, when a trauma came in he was freaking out too much about treating the patient and doing a good job in front of his attending to notice what the paramedics looked like. He was pretty sure he could form a clearer picture of EMT's hands as they handed him chart information than he could and of their faces. Maybe tall guy was the one with calloused palms? Shane didn't know, and frankly to him it didn't matter so much. It was nice to see his boss all excited to go on a date.

Shane pressed his lips together, "Do you like him?"

"I don't know," April, smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "I've barely met him."

"Then why?"

She leaned forward and glanced around the room, smiling faintly. She shrugged, "He asked me. And...he's nice. Cute. Tall."

"All very good things," Shane nodded.

"Yes."

"It's nice to be asked."

April blushed and looked at her nails, "Yeah."

It was clear that Dr. Kepner did feel something for the guy. Or, at the very least, there was the possibility that she could. And she seemed to like that. She was clearly flustered and excited. Shane didn't think Kepner and Avery were really over each other at all, but he still didn't really see what could be done about that right now. After what she'd told him at the bar, Shane was happy to see her get out there. She deserved a little attention.

Even as Shane had the thought, Kepner started to look nervous and shook her head, "I-I shouldn't go. I mean, this is an emergency situation. The hospital could lose the ER! I should stay here and find a way to stop it."

When April pulled out her phone, seemingly to text tall paramedic Matt, Shane reached a hand and held her wrist.

"It's just coffee," Shane reasoned.

"But-"

"I might suck with money, but am not gonna stop looking through this stuff for you. What else are interns for but grunt work?" he joked. "I don't want this place to lose the ER anymore than you do."

Shane looked and his watch. If April was going to catch this guy on time, she needed to get a move on. Being late was probably not the right message to send. He gestured to the door.

"You look really pretty, Dr. Kepner. Go. Have fun. This will all still be here when you get back."

Kepner clasped her hands and bit her lip, before standing, and walking out the door, "You're right. Thank you. Text me if you find anything important, though?"

"I promise," Shane called after her, brightly. His smile faded when he turned his attention back to the tax forms on the screen in front of him.

He really was terrible with money, but true to his word Shane continued researching for another hour before he had to go do rounds. Printing off what he could from the budget records for Dr. Kepner, Shane collected his things and made his way into the hallway. Rounding a corner, he froze as he observed Stephanie and Jackson emerging from a nearby by on call room.

It was all he could do not to wrinkle his nose. They were, of course, quite predictably disheveled, and Shane hated to see it. He did notice that, while Steph was giggling, Dr. Avery looked decidedly downcast for someone who was apparently only a matter of minutes post orgasm. Unless he'd had performance issues. Shane thought it would almost serve him right if the guy did. He was way too good looking to have everything going for him actually.

He sighed, maybe he was being too hard on Avery. Dr. Kepner liked him after all. They'd been best friends at one point. For a long time actually. The guy couldn't be so bad if he saw how cool April really was, even way back when. Shane's mild hatred of the guy was based entirely on the other man's relationship with his roommate, and how that messed with two women he cared for. So, he supposed he could try to be more open minded.

Yeah. Right.

Stephanie caught sight of him, making her way to his side and smiling broadly, "Hey Ross! Time for rounds, right? Have a good break?"

"Not as good as you," Shane tried not to sneer. He felt bad when a flash of sadness flashed across her face. "Just helping Dr. Kepner research some stuff..."

"Oh! That's not as cool as the pit."

"It isn't."

"Do you really think they'll close the ER?"

"Not if Kepner has her way. If she can't figure it out by sheer determination, I don't know who can."

"I would say you were going all weird fanboy on me again, but after working with her in the pit, I have to agree with you, Shane. Kepner can kick ass."

"She's taking a coffee break now though," Shane added, with a small glint in his eye.

He wasn't sure if Avery knew about April's date, but Stephanie sure did. She grinned. It felt like a victory of sorts, even though Shane couldn't pinpoint why.

The older plastic surgeon hovered awkwardly as the conversation played out. Suddenly, Avery's forehead was pulled into a deep scowl and he brushed past Stephanie and Shane, mumbling something about needing a consult. Steph watched him go, tapping her bottom lip with one hand, as though she was deep in thought.

"He's been acting weird lately."

Shane's mouth opened involuntarily, to his horror. He was about to spill the sum and total his theories, based upon his observations, hospital gossip, and friendship with Dr. Kepner. That he thought it was a safe bet to say that Avery was 'being weird' because he was in love with his former best friend. That Shane would bet that that was the real reason Avery was with Stephanie at all. She was being used, and Shane wasn't even sure she knew the full extent of what had gone down between Avery and Kepner. Hell, he didn't even know the full story. He just knew enough to guess. And he guessed there were still deep feelings on both sides. April's for sure.

He carefully guarded his hypothesis in general, but he always had a hard time holding anything back when it came to Steph. Luckily, she cut him off before the words started falling from his lips.

"Don't say it, Ross," she said breezily. "I know you don't like what I am doing with Dr. Avery, and I don't even want to hear it. I hear enough from Jo."

He shrugged and looked at his feet, afraid that eye contact would give away his inner most thoughts. "Fine."

Stephanie shook her head, and nudged his shoulder, starting to walk briskly down the hallway, "Just, come on, let's go do rounds."

As they walked through the hospital, they passed Jackson one more time, and the look that Stephanie gave the older man made Shane's blood boil. This whole thing was just not okay. It wasn't okay that his best friend here was being used by his sort of boss trying to use sex to get over his also sort of boss turned mentor.

Not when he feared that Steph was beginning to develop feelings for Avery, and she didn't think Kepner was a dud anymore. Not when he was pretty sure that Avery still felt something strong for Kepner. And especially when he knew that Kepner had deep feelings for Dr. Avery.

Everything and everyone was just messed up. Out of order. In the wrong place. And Shane's mind started to spin. He needed to do something. He needed to alter the course that the flow of events was taking. And he realized that this whole thing situation with dates and coffee and tall paramedic Matthew might be his ticket to do that.

Dr. Avery was going to find out about April and the paramedic. And when he did, Shane was going to make sure to rub it in the plastic surgeon's pretty face every single chance he got. And then he would see the other man's reaction, and then? Then he could finally have the evidence to prove to Stephanie that she was barking up the wrong tree. Shane was 99% sure that April being with someone else would produce a reaction in Jackson. Any reaction at all was evidence enough to know that he was still hung up on April, right? Otherwise, he wouldn't care.

And if he could get Steph away from Avery, then maybe the other man would finally get his head out of his ass and see that Kepner still liked him. A lot.

Shane smirked, as he and Stephanie went about their rounds. He could do this. It would be easy-peasy. Most of the plan depended on his talking. And if there was one thing he'd learned from his mistake on Dr. Grey's service, it was that he liked to talk. Shane knew he could do this.


	4. Chapter 4

Shane scowled as he watched Jackson and Stephanie exit an exam room. He tried to stop himself from wrinkling his nose. Jackson freaking Douche more like. Who did he think he was anyway? God's gorgeous gift to the fairer sex? Grandson of flipping Harper Avery, never had to work hard a day in his life for anything, born with a silver spoon in his stupid little-

"Ross? We need you," Avery's voice interrupted Shane' thoughts. "Nose reattachment. Traumatic severance in the field. You never know when we'll see one again. Especially with the ER shutting down. Come on."

Jumping and rushing to follow, Shane lowered the chart he'd been consulting on the nearest nurses station and fell into step behind Avery and Edwards. He might not like the guy, but Jackson was right. Things were so uncertain around here these days, that you had to take every chance you could to do something other than empty urine bags. A rhino assist sure as hell beat grunt work.

After scrubbing in, the three doctors filed into the room, with Stephanie across from Avery, and Shane on second assist. Judging by the look on his friend's face, he realized that Steph had probably noticed his expression earlier. With all the fear and unease wafting around the hospital lately, Shane had been finding it more and more difficult to conceal his inner thoughts. He'd never had a good poker face to begin with, and the whole, 'might lose you job' thing wasn't really helping.

And it wasn't just Shane. Everyone at the hospital was a little on edge these days, what with all Seattle Grace's ongoing financial crisis and the imminent closure of the Emergency Room. He'd barely even had a chance to see his favorite attendings, let alone work with them in recent day. Shepherd and Kepner had been hauled up together, trying desperately to cut as much money from the budgets of other departments to save the ER.

Now, the tension was palpable in the OR, as Jackson, Steph, Shane and the scrub nurses attempted to prep the surgery. Shane was trying to set up his own surgical tray, but to his dismay, none of the drawers he opened held the right equipment. Everything had been shifted around, in the name of 'efficiency. And Shane had only just barely memorized the old system.

It was clear that he was lagging behind the prep of the other two, and Shane winced at the expectant stare Stephanie was giving him from across the patient. Swallowing and glancing over to Avery, he remembered what April had told him about communicating with your superiors when you are doing an assist. He remembered his mistake with Dr. Grey and the liver transplant.

To prevent something like that from happening again, everyone had to be on the same page, so Shane said, "Sorry to take so long, I can't seem to remember the new system..."

To his surprise, Dr. Avery didn't chew him out like he thought Medusa would. Instead the man's brows furrowed above his scrub mask, as he shook his head, "Damn thing. You can't find what you need."

"They are just doing it to help minimize our OR turnover time," Stephanie offered nervously.

"Hardly cuts time..." Shane ventured.

Jackson nodded, "Not at all. Adds time because no one knows where the hell anything is. And...it's not like the volume of patients we serve will help the hospital anyway. What matters is the quality of care, not the quantity..."

Shockingly, Shane was in totally agreement with Dr. Avery. Which was probably a first. He nodded and quickly finished setting up, moving into his position next to Jackson as the man continued to speak, more to himself than anyone else.

"But no, you can't tell the dragon lady 'savior' of the hospital that...oh no. It's all about bottom lines for her. She doesn't care what gets cut or who that hurts..."

"Right," Shane said clearing his throat.

They settled in and began to reconstruct the patient's nose. It really was quite the reattachment. The while external nose had essentially been torn off. All the cartilage. Everything. The kind of thing you read about in text books really.

As they worked, mostly in silence, Shane just couldn't help but blurt out, "I have never seen one so bad!"

Stephanie cleared her throat and tilted her head toward Dr. Avery, who was closest to the guys head, carefully stitching the nose and reattaching what he could. Shane could tell that for a split second she agreed with him, but the moment passed quickly.

"We're interns, Ross. We haven't seen a lot of things. I'm sure Dr. Avery isn't interested in hearing about how new this all is for us...It doesn't speed up the OR..."

"Nah. It's cool. I don't mind," Jackson interjected absently, reaching to his tray and grabbing the next proper instrument without so much as shifting his eyes from the damaged nose. "Suction right here please?"

Shane obliged when Stephanie shifted the clamps, and Avery continued to work. The plastic surgeon shrugged and said, "You know, I can actually say that this is one of the worse damaged noses I've seen too. Certainly since I've been a fellow. Sloan I saw some pretty gnarly stuff back in the day, but this is still pretty wild. Most of what we get are preplanned elective rhinoplastys."

Stephanie sighed, "Without an ER, that will probably end up being all we get. All the trauma joy will go to Seattle Pres."

"In all their Level 2 Trauma Center glory," Avery snorted bitterly. "Lucky Seattle."

Shane couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. Okay, maybe he could understand a little of the "Avery" appeal. He still didn't really like the guy, but he did agree with him about Seattle Presbyterian. He'd looked and them and passed them over for residency applications, in part because of their smaller size, and lower capacity to handle emergencies. Shane also had to admit, grudgingly, that Jackson could be funny. Maybe that's what Kepner and Edwards liked about him, aside from his obvious genetic blessings.

For himself, Shane knew that snark, humor, and sarcasm were not his strong points. He usually giggled before he could actually say the punchline, and Jo had said that most of his jokes were boring and often too 'academic'. Maybe that was part of his problem.

Well, no matter. Never mind that the girl he wanted to laugh at his jokes was currently carrying on with the man next to him in the OR. Shane was a surgical intern, and that was all he was focusing on anyway. That and his little plan to help his mentor.

"Well, without the ER," Shane commented as casually as he could. "We won't be seeing much of the paramedics anymore..."

Avery's eyes lifted from the patient, answering sarcastically, "Obviously."

Shane shrugged, knowing that subtlety wasn't his strong point, but trying to maintain a nonchalant tone all the same, "Dr. Kepner will be disappointed."

Stephanie rolled her eyes, shaking her head. He could tell she was a little amused. She knew about April Kepner and Matthew the paramedic. What she didn't know was why Shane was determined to rub it in Avery's face. He wanted Jackson to feel jealous. He wanted him to feel jealous enough to leave his friend alone, and if Steph knew that was what he was really trying to do, Shane was pretty sure she'd be pissed.

"I think Dr. Kepner will be more sad because she won't be seeing traumas anymore," Jackson countered, swallowing uncomfortably.

Shane still wasn't sure the man knew just what he was hinting at, so he ventured, "But paramedics...are so...tall?"

Stephanie froze and looked up at him, glaring. Uh oh. Had he been discovered? Maybe. Shane could tell that at the very least his roommate was not happy with his continued emphasis on the topic of April Kepner and incredibly tall paramedics.

Jackson cleared his throat and snapped, "Shepherd and Kepner will figure it out. They already got Ortho and Plastics to agree to share lab space and save budget money for the ER."

"But what if that's not enough?" Stephanie mused. "I guess closing the ER means that they can at least costs from that department."

"Then what about all the trauma team? Nurses, residents, attendings?" Shane wondered. He didn't know what all this meant. Chief Hunt was a trauma surgeon, and more importantly so was his mentor. What would Kepner do without a trauma department to work in? It was as a big a fear for Shane as losing his own position. Because, after his performance with Bailey and Meredith, he was pretty sure she was the only attending who actually liked him.

Avery sighed and continued firmly, "Dr. Shepherd and April will figure it out! Now just...pipe down, and cut the small talk! This is a tricky part right. We need to focus."

Chastised Shane quickly shut his mouth and looked back down to his work, remaining silent, except when absolutely necessary for the procedure. He also felt a sense of vindication on a couple of levels. Avery clearly didn't like it when he and Steph talked about his old friend. This was not the first time the man had become uncomfortable and even snappy when Kepner's name came up. It didn't seem to matter whether or not the man heard any mention of paramedics or not. Shane wasn't entirely certain Avery knew about April and Matt, and though he was probably taking a little too much glee in tormenting the guy, he still didn't think he had quite enough courage to just tell the man outright.

Avery was still Shane's superior after all, and as an attending he did have some influence over his options as an intern.

After a tense and quiet surgery, Shane watched as Avery scrubbed out, scowling into the silver metal sink bowl as though it had personally stepped on his puppy. Stephanie washed her own hands, watching the attending with trepidation. Shane felt awkward, scrubbing out quickly, and rushing into the hall. Before the door shut fully, he could make out some of the conversation between Avery and Edwards. He didn't like what he heard.

"We still on for later?" Stephanie asked, in a tone so casual, that if Shane didn't know what 'on' was, he'd never have guessed.

"Yeah," Jackson said, still sounding tense and irritated. "How about-"

The door slammed shut then. And Shane was glad. So much for his grand plan. Or at least the subtle version of his plan. If there was any chance at all of this working, he realized he'd have to 'grow a pair' as they say, and really drive the point home. He'd have to be more offensive. And he wasn't sure he could afford to act that way with an attending in this hospital climate. Then again, Shane knew he was going to continue anyway. It was weird, but in a way he just couldn't let the whole thing go. Not when April was clearly a touchy subject with Avery.

Rounding a corner, Shane was surprised when he caught sight of Dr. Kepner seated at a chair in what had once been the ER waiting area. Judging by the darkened trauma rooms just beyond, he realized that the Emergency Room was closed at this time. Damn it. Shepherd and Kepner's plan must not have done the trick.

He approached cautiously, taking a seat across from her. It was kind of eerily silent. The pit was usually a place buzzing with activity and carefully controlled chaos, even late into the night. Now it was dark and quiet.

"Hey," Shane whispered, because whispering seemed like the thing to do in as somber a moment as this.

April glanced up at him and gave a half hearted nod.

He pointed to the binder she held loosely in her hands, "So...the big plan didn't work?"

She laughed harshly, and shook her head, "No...and Cahill never wanted it too. There...there was never a chance. Not when I maximized efficiency, or when we found the money to run it. There was never a chance. It's not so much the ER being too expensive for the hospital, apparently, as it being too expensive for potential buyers to be attracted. Turns out ER' can be a big turn off in the hospital real estate market."

"What?" Shane asked, feeling confused. He thought they just needed to tightened the purse strings a lot. "Buyers?"

"The hospital is going to be sold," Kepner explained sadly.

That was not good, realized in panic. They had no idea who would buy Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital, and no idea what kind of hospital the buyer would want it to be. What if they became a one specialty cancer center? Or a children's hospital? Or stopped having a teaching program at all? Everyone's roles were in question, and jobs were at stake. Somehow even more than Shane had previously thought. He'd known that all this money stuff was bad, even though he was still a little uncertain of how everything had started. But he didn't have the since until this very moment just how bad it was. The fact that the ER was actually closed brought the point home in a real way. The hospital was in deep trouble.

Watching April, Shane shook himself. She looked crest fallen.

"So, no more ER?" he asked lamely.

She pursed her lips, "No more ER."

"Damn."

"Pretty much."

"What's going to happen to you?"

"I don't know," Kepner shrugged.

Shane winced, "Are you okay?"

"I don't know."

Swallowing, Shane looked at his hands. His mentor continued to sit, glancing around the quiet waiting area. Her phone buzzed and she carefully slipped it out of her pocket, smiling faintly despite her visible sadness as she read whatever was on the screen.

After a long moment of silence Shane ventured, "Need a drinking buddy?"

Mere weeks ago, when the whole affair between Jackson and Stephanie had come out, they'd bonded over alcohol and pub food. Shane had found the evening to be incredibly cathartic and was more than willing to help Kepner out if she needed another night like that. This year must feel like it was already turning out to be pretty crappy from her perspective, and Shane was happy to do what he could to do what he could to change some of that.

Still looking at her phone, April tilted her head to one side, "Thanks for the offer but...I think I already have one..."

Now it was Shane's turn to smirk, in spite of the sad situation, "Oh yeah? Mr. Paramedic?"

"We're are not call him that. He has a name. It's Matthew."

"So, Matthew is your drinking buddy?" Shane waggled his eyebrows.

She bit her bottom lip and lifted her eyes to his, "Maybe."

"He's texting you?"

"He says he found a pub downtown with karaoke," April replied. "We were supposed to go to celebrate my triumphant rescue of the ER."

Shane frowned sympathetically, "Do you like karaoke bars?"

"I've never tried one. I've never been drunk enough."

"Well, if ever there as a night to get there..."

"This would be it," April laughed. She held up her phone, "Matthew understands though...if I don't want to go. Lame night's at home are awesome too. That's what he says."

Shane nodded and pulled himself to his feet, moving over and giving his mentor and awkward pat on the shoulder, "Why not?Doesn't really matter where you go. Drown your sorrows. It's what people do."

"Amen to that."

Kepner chuckled and stood up herself, straightening her shoulders and standing to face the empty ER one last time. She sniffed and she quickly whipped away a tear. Shane shoved his hands in his pockets and blinked out at the pit, wondering how many lives had been lost, saved, or dramatically changed in that place over the years. Thousands? Hundreds of thousands? But now it was dark and empty. A hollow shadow of the institution the ER had been only that morning. The situation was kind of terrifying. Shane had no idea what this meant for his future as a resident, his mentor, of any of them. Would Kepner lose her job? as he about to be fired? Should he be looking into other residency programs. Shane had no idea.

How on earth had it come to this? The ER was closed. And Shane didn't know that there was any hope it would come back again.


	5. Chapter 5

Shane Ross was a stand up guy. He was not a criminal, or a 'rebel' by any stretch of the imagination. In general, he followed all laws. He liked rules. Rules gave you a game plan, order, and justice. Shane was never one to really go against the grain. And when he did, he wasn't very good at hiding it. Shane was a terrible liar.

So the last thing he'd ever expected to find himself involved with a team of surgeons, his mentor even, as they embarked on a rogue surgery in a closed Emergency Room. With buyers in the building no less. Totally against the rules.

But all of that paled in importance when you considered the life of a child hanging in the balance. Shane now understood that rules and hierarchy and all of that didn't matter. Sometimes the rules were just wrong. His grandmother always told him that when you know something is right, you have to fight for it. Even if it was hard or not popular. They were all fighting now.

They sat, lined up like children after a fight on the school yard, waiting outside the conference room like it was the principle's office. Shane winced as he heard the raised voices of Dr. Avery and Dr. Karev coming from behind the closed doors. He couldn't help the nervous bouncing of his legs. Even though the kid had survived, and Shane was happy about that, he also knew that this was big. Cahill was probably taking someone down for this. All of them likely.

And doing the right thing or not, Shane did not want to lose his spot in the program. He didn't want to have to explain to his grandmother the cost of doing the right thing. Not after all she and the rest of his family had done to get him here in the first place.

"Hey," April said quietly, gently patting his leg and catching his eye. "No matter what happens, I will make sure that they know that you interns were just following orders. This'll be on me, not you."

"It'll be on all of us, April," Medusa corrected from his other side.

From her spot leaning against the wall across from them, Dr. Yang agreed, "We're not hanging anyone out to try, Dopes."

Shane looked back to Kepner. She swallowed and nodded. Jo twisted her hands nervously in front of her, while Stephanie scuffed her feet. Watching everyone around him, it was clear that they were all more nervous about this than anyone wanted to let on. He looked up at the sound of footsteps, and nodded when Dr. Shepherd joined them.

Shane was really starting to get it now. The way things were at Seattle Grace. People really cared here. That was what one of the recruitment brochures had said. Learn from doctors who really care. This whole thing had demonstrated that the attendings cared not only about their patients, but about their colleagues as well. Even when on an average day, it might seem as though the doctors didn't always get along.

After all, Dr. Grey was sitting by Shane right now. And she had worked with him all through the surgery without so much as a glare or a lecture. She'd even told him that he'd done a nice job after he'd assisted on the hit and run boy's surgery. Only days before Shane was sure he'd still felt the sting of his failure from her over his colossal cock up with the liver when he was last on her service. But now that didn't matter so much.

This day even made Shane feel like he was a part of the clan.

Everyone gasped and looked up as Avery and Karev burst back into the hallway. Both men were still scowling and immediately headed down the hall away from the conference room, Cahill, and the other doctors waiting outside. Heather followed them out looking a little more shell shocked than she normally did. She offered Shane a small tight lipped smile and moved to the side as Derek Shepherd slipped in to the conference room.

"Hey!" Dr. Yang demanded as the still angry Avery and Karev continued to walk down the hall.

Dr. Grey eased herself to her feet, "What happened?"

"Cahill's pissed. Hunt is too," Karev mumbled. "Whatever. We saved the kid."

"What exactly did they say?" Kepner asked urgently, standing up as well.

Shane's eyes moved carefully between his mentor and her...between Kepner and Avery. Because despite all the other people listening intently in the crowded hallway, it was clear that it was Jackson, above anyone else, who April was talking to. They only had eyes for each other.

Breaking the stare, Avery stopped, and his brow furrowed. He licked his lips and shrugged, "Nothing much. I said it was my call to let you bring him in. Hunt told us to get out. The kid didn't die...so...it's not like any of us are going to get sued. It's...like Karev said. It's crap. If something comes of it we can deal with whatever."

He lifted his gaze to Kepner's for a second, and he swallowed. The other man still appeared to be angry and frustrated, but there was also something else beneath all of that. Puzzlement maybe? Confusion? Melancholy. Avery was hard to read. To Shane, it felt like there was a lot more that wanted to be said there.

But Avery looked away when Stephanie cleared her throat and the moment was over, seemingly missed or ignored by everyone else. Karev nudged Avery's shoulder and said, "Come on, we gotta go check on Ryan's post op."

Jo and Steph practically jogged to follow the two male attendings as they briskly walked down the hall.

"We should check on the boy," Dr. Yang added, bringing the shell shocked doctors out of their thoughts. The three remaining attendings stood up, and Shane and Heather followed them.

She smirked and nudged Shane, "And we should find out exactly who this boy is."

First Grey did her general checks, followed by Yang's cardio checks. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The patient was doing as well as could be expected. Not as well as Shane might have liked, but when you went ahead and considered the fact that he was not only hit by a car earlier in they day, but that he'd also been triaged in a closed trauma center that was basically a construction site, the state of affairs really didn't seem so bad. All things considered it was a heck of a lot better than being dead. And the child would certainly have died if the ambulance had tried to take him all the way to Redmond.

Shane shook his head. What an odd stroke of luck that Kepner had been out on her 'date' with Matthew. And that she was the kind of person who didn't allow patients to die if she could help it, rules be damned. Even more luck that she called Dr. Avery, and he didn't turn her away. The kid was alive in part because of the strange and awkward saga of someone else's life.

Looking over the child's chart's one more time, Shane glanced up to his mentor. They were the only ones left in the room, and things seemed to be stable with the boy. His phone buzzed, and Shane quickly read a message from Heather.

"Uh, his parents are here," Shane told Dr. Kepner awkwardly. "Shall I go out and talk to them?"

She shook her head, "No. I should do it, I brought him here. You go ahead and go home, Ross. Thank you. You were very helpful today."

He pursed his lips and nodded, making his way out of the patients room and down the hallway toward the lockers. Shane couldn't stop his mind from moving as quickly as his feet. It was very interesting indeed that April had called Jackson first in all of this. Professionally, it wasn't as though Kepner didn't have other options.

She could have called anyone really. She could have called Yang or Grey. Karev was a pediatric surgeon, and calling him would have made sense too. It would have been logical to call someone with more clout or power. Granted, some one like Hunt or even Bailey would probably have said no, but it was clear that at least one of the senior attendings would have been willing to help them. Dr. Shepherd had come through for them with the drug codes. And by stalling Cahill and the buyers.

Shane arrived in the locker room and quickly changed into his street clothes.

So why had Kepner called Avery? Well, Shane knew that she had strong feelings for him. She'd told him as much. But then again, she had actually seemed pretty happy with tall paramedic guy, so there was the argument to be made that her feelings might be starting to fade. Add to that, there was a lot of evidence that Avery and Kepner were still very much avoiding each other as much as they could.

The night nurse on level five had told Shane and Heather that way back when, right after the terrible shooting two years previous, Jackson and April had been almost inseparable during their free time. She figured it was because their friends from Mercy West had died, but she could scarcely recall a lunch or coffee break where the two didn't sit together. A mutual protection kind of thing. The woman said it was kind of a 3 plus 2 thing. Yang, Grey, and Karev as a tight set of three. Jackson and April as two.

These days the picture was very different. The current equation was more like 4 plus 2 interns minus April and a handful of burritos. She spent her lunches with Matthew in the rig, instead of the attendings lounge. Except, today things had been very simple. Everyone had everyone else' s back.

To Shane though, the call made it clear that April still thought of Jackson as that one person; a part of the plus 2 that was Kepner and Avery. And the fact that Jackson had answered? The fact that he had not only gone against Cahill in the first place was one thing, but Avery's assertive willingness to take the fall for everything...Shane just thought it had to mean something. It wasn't like Dr. Avery would do anything like that for Stephanie, no matter how ridiculous she became in her efforts to help the man become the face of the hospital. It just wasn't the same. He was certain that if the call had come from anyone else, even Yang or Grey, Avery would have said no. Only for April.

There had been a moment, when the doors to the ER had been stuck. Shane had been right by Dr. Avery, straining to pull the damn things open. When April and the gurney and the paramedics ran up to the closed doors. The whole thing was really a panic, kid dying on the gurney, paramedics doing what they could and everyone else pulling with all their might to get the doors to open. In that moment it was Jackson's name April called. Not Avery, because Shane didn't think she was asking the professional 'face of the hospital', "I grow skin and shit", ego driven Dr. Avery that they'd all seen strutting around the hospital for the past few days.

You don't call out like that in a professional way. April was calling out to the person she cared deeply about and trusted fully to help. Her Jackson.

If that didn't reveal to the both of them that feelings were deeper than the freaking Puget Sound, then Shane didn't know what could convince them. Sure his efforts in subtlety had thus far been fruitless, but come on. Were they blind? Shane wasn't a violent guy; competitive, maybe, but not violent. For virtually all things Shane was non-confrontational He wasn't a violent guy, but sometimes he wondered whether a swift kick in the head would do both his mentor and Avery good. Get them to see things clearly, and to say things clearly, and best of all get the plastic surgeon to get the hell away from his friend Stephanie.

It was all so damn frustrating.

Over the past few weeks, Shane was beginning to get nervous about her. Steph seemed like she was actually getting emotionally involved with Dr. Avery. Jo and Heather told him that she'd say things here or there that made it sound like she at least was starting to invest more in the whole thing. Shane hated that. And not just because of his own self serving feelings. Or even because he was well aware of how emotionally unavailable Jackson Avery was. Shane hated it because it meant that somehow or another, his friend was going to get hurt. Which was the one thing he hadn't wanted for her all along.

Shane tied his shoes and stood up, slowly making his way out of the locker room to head home. On his way to the parking lot, he encountered two people he hadn't expected to see. The first he ran into as he exited the locker room and stepped in to the hall.

Carefully closing the door behind him, Shane was surprised to find Dr. Avery leaning on the wall next to the door, jaw tightly set. He kept his head down and tried to brush past the other man. He wasn't very good at hiding his irritation, and so he was pretty certain that Avery didn't like him much. Which was fine, because Shane wasn't actually sure he liked Dr. Avery that much. It just made things uncomfortable when they were on their own.

The older man cleared his throat, asking softly, "Hey, uh...is Stephanie in there?"

"Not yet," Shane shook his head. "I think she is helping Dr. Brooks finish charting. They should be down any minute."

When Avery didn't respond right away, Shane lingered awkwardly uncertain as to whether or not he was dismissed. The attending was still looking at him like he was supposed to say or do something else, so he hovered by the door.

"Good job today, Ross," Jackson said finally. "Keeping the look out. You were an important part of why that whole operation went well."

Shane shrugged, "Everyone did really good work today. No nurses, no ER...I mean, we all stepped up."

"Yeah..." Avery agreed.

Shane's eyes sparked. He couldn't resist, "Everyone. From interns on up to attendings."

Jackson scratched the back of his head, irritated,"Yep...I know. I was there."

"And how about those paramedics? Coming through with that portable suction," Shane pressed forward, wanting to stab and twist whatever little emotional knife he could.

He realized he might actually be a little more violent than he thought. At least in the subtly-verbal (his own word invention) sense. He tried to believe he was only doing it to help everyone out. To help his mentor and Jackson and his...and Stephanie. This had nothing to do with jealousy. Right? Then again...guys don't just hang out with girls.

"I mean, can you imagine? You start off on a nice lunch date and-"

"Riding along in an ambulance is not a nice lunch date," Jackson shook his head.

Shane held back a victorious smirk. He smelled jealousy. The whole thing was messing with Dr. Avery. The man wasn't super easy to read. He didn't always carry his emotions on his sleeve, but he was not match for Shane. Years of carefully watching his own familial dramas had made him a master observer. At least, when it came to stuff like this. Other people's love lives. He'd proven to be terrible at dealing with his own.

shoving his hands in his pockets, Shane played it casual and moved down the hallway, "Well, I'm pretty sure Dr. Kepner and that tall paramedic guy thought it was..."

"She barely knows him," Avery retorted.

"I don't know, isn't getting to know someone the whole point of dating?"

And with that, Shane made his way down the elevator and out the doors that led to the parking lot without looking back once to Dr. Avery. He kept his head down, putting one foot in front of the other, moving across the side walk and crashing right into the second unexpected person of the night. The tall paramedic guy.

"Uh, sorry," he apologized, unconsciously holding his hands up in surrender. He'd learned long ago on the playgrounds of the projects. Don't mess with the tall guys.

The paramedic didn't even seem to notice the collision. He clenched his fists with a nervous energy and muttered for a moment before glancing up distractedly.

"Oh...no problem..."

"Okay..." Shane moved toward the dim parking lot.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" the man asked suddenly.

"Sure...um...Matthew, isn't it?"

Matthew nodded and sighed, "Yeah."

Silence fell between them. Shane leaned forward with raised eyebrows.

"So...What did you wanna ask?"

The other man smiled, clearing his throat, "You know Ape-uh...you know Dr. Kepner, don't you?"

"I do."

"Is she?" Matt winced and shook himself again, laughing awkwardly. "Does she...? What I mean is...she's like that all the time isn't she? Just so...amazing."

Shane winced and bit his lip, reluctantly replying, "You could say that."

"Wow," Matthew nodded, and laughed again, a shy nervous sound that made Shane frown.

It was kind of true, he supposed. Just because Shane didn't have feelings for Dr. Kepner like that, didn't mean he couldn't see how someone else would. In his own experience she was a great teacher and a good person. And not a bad friend either. She was attractive and amazing on many levels. The reluctance of his tone related more to the fact that he was pretty sure this guy was falling for Kepner already. At least a little bit.

Which was good for her. April had told him after the paramedic had first asked her out, that it was nice to be wanted. Shane just had a feeling that yet another innocent bystander was being added to the mix. In the end, he suspected that Matthew, like Stephanie, would probably end up hurt. And scheming and subtle digs aside? Shane knew there was very little he could do to avoid the emotion fallout that he predicted this whole situation would have. He couldn't protect this paramedic anymore than he could his friend.

All the same, the guy was nice enough. Matthew had proven to be cool under pressure and had been a big help in the makeshift ER. Maybe Shane's theories about Kepner and Avery were wrong and they didn't love each other. Or Shane was right, and it was only a matter of time be for something or someone got them both to do see it. Either way Matt was here now. And even though he might get hurt badly, Shane figured Matthew deserved his moment with Kepner anyway.

He gestured behind him, toward the hospital doors, repeating almost the same words he'd spoken to Dr. Avery only moments before, "I think she is just finishing up with the boy. Our patient from today. She should be down in a minute. I bet you can catch her."

Matthew's eyes lit up and he bounced from once foot to the other.

Shane gestured to the wall near cement emergency stairs, "You probably wanna wait there so you can see the doors better."

"Thanks."

The paramedic nodded, and moved to stand in the spot, leaning back against the wall. It was clear to Shane that the guy was retreating into his own thoughts again, so he waved goodbye and his arms close to his chest, bracing himself against the drizzly Seattle night, eager to get back to his apartment and kick of his shoes.

It had been one hell of a day.


	6. Chapter 6

Shane stared at Dr. Shepherd, slack jawed. He wasn't entirely certain he could believe his ears. No way.

He gulped, taking a deep breath before he asked, "You want me to do what?"

"I want you to take this sharpie and I want you to draw on my face."

Biting his lip, Shane continued to stare. Shepherd was standing there, looking all frustrated. He had his hands on his hips and he tilted his head to one side.

"Uh, sir?" Shane winced, gesturing vaguely to his idol's head.

"The posters, Ross! I want you to draw on my face on the posters."

"Sir...I...that's vandalism!"

"I know," Derek Shepherd groaned and rolled his eyes, pulling a black marker out of his pocket and offering it to Shane. "That's the whole point!"

Shane swallowed and looked from the pen, to Shepherd's face and back again. He understood in theory what Dr. Shepherd was asking him to do. The older man did not like being used so blatantly as the face of the hospital, sure. But it was clear to Shane that underneath all of that, the small acts of graffiti would undermine not only the staff's confidence in the reorganization process under Pegasus, but the buyer's confidence in the hospital. It cut both ways.

And most importantly for Shane, it was taking a definitive position in this whole situation. Among most of the interns there were rumblings about where they as first year residents fit into all of this. Do they try to stay loyal and stick with the program even when it was clear that their standard of education was falling hard and falling fast? Or do they stick in the ranks, remain loyal, and resist Pegasus? Stephanie and to a lesser extent Heather and some others were very clearly keeping their eyes peeled for other residency options. Shane and Jo were less certain. If Shane did what Dr. Shepherd wanted him to, he would clearly be falling into line with the loyal side of things.

But he realized that he'd already sort of been making choices along those lines anyway. Sure, he was nervous about Seattle Grace's money woes, and potential buyers. And yeah, he'd helped out trying to find some money to keep the ER. And true, he had assisted in a rogue surgery. He'd already chosen his side, even if he'd never come out and said it.

"Look if you do this, I'll let you scrub in on as many surgeries as you want. You'll be my first choice intern."

"Really?"

"Yes. I trust you to do this, and I promise it will amount to something."

Shane looked at the marker one last time before tentatively reaching out his hand to take hold of the writing utensil. He swallowed hard and nodded. He could do this. For the hospital. For Dr. Shepherd. For the surgeries.

Shepherd smiled and nodded, clapping Shane on the shoulder, "I knew I could count on you, Ross."

Still holding on to the marker away from his body as though it was some sort of foreign object just excised in a surgery, Shane smiled uncomfortably. Today he might not be scrubbing in, but he supposed at the very least he could say that what he was doing was interesting.

"Hit as many as you can, Ross," Shepherd said, squeezing Shane's shoulder before walking down the hallway at a brisk pace. "Be vicious."

Shane took a deep breath as he started walking down the hall in the opposite direction, seeking one of the obnoxious posters to begin with. Okay. He could do this. He could. Graffiti time. He tried not to think about what Big Mama Ross would think about all this if she knew he was essentially 'tagging' the posters of his own workplace.

How many times had she sternly directed his gaze to the graffiti filled walls of his own childhood neighborhood? How many times had she told him in no uncertain terms that damaging what is yours, your own space, was tantamount to self sabotage?

"I best not be catchin' you tagging nothing Shanie child! I might be old but that don't I can't smack you right into next week. Just keep going to school, keep your head down, and stay on the honest path!"

For most of his life, Shane had done his best to abide by his grandmother's advice. It had gotten him far, out of their dilapidated neighborhood projects to the very pinnacle of academic and professional achievement. But now he felt like he was doing something he needed to do to help Dr. Shepherd and by extension his own career.

What Big Mama didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

Taking one final deep breath, Shane whispered to himself, "Be vicious."

Vandalizing the first poster turned out to be a lot easier than Shane anticipated. It was a simple edit really. Black out some words here, add a few devil horns there and voila. "Aspire to Sellout". Complete with a requisite villain mustache. Vicious much? Marvelous.

Stepping back to admire his handiwork, Shane pursed his lips. It actually didn't look half bad. It was kind of like being a lone crusader, armed only with a sharpie, a mission, and a vivid imagination. He started to think about what the other posters said. "Compassion" would be a fun one to work with. And easy edit. There was one like that on the fourth floor as a matter of fact.

Shane was had his marker poised before the next poster, about to begin bringing the ass out of compassion, when it hit him. Oh dear god. He'd just graffitied something and enjoyed it. He'd started thinking about better ways to do his crime. Holy smokes, what was happening to him?

He froze at the sound of muffled voices coming from the OR door behind him, and ducked around a corner to avoid getting caught. Shane pressed his back flat against the wall, which made the voices he heard become more clear. It was his mentor, and of all people, Dr. Avery. Which was a surprise. As far as he knew, from Steph, snooping, and his friend Gloria P, the nurse from level 3, Jackson and April still did not often spend time together. Even for work, rogue surgeries aside.

Unfortunately, they seemed as distant as ever. Quite grotesquely as far as Shane was concerned, Jackson had been spending many a break in on-call rooms with Stephanie. And everyone at the hospital was growing accustomed to seeing Matt's ambulance bay parked out in front of the closed ER on mornings or lunch times. Kepner and Avery seemed to be moving on. Or, Shane thought, at least they were trying their damnedest too. However, the conversation he was overhearing was a little different.

"Won't care whether you're a virgin or not..."

Shane caught the sound of Jackson's voice, and his eyes widened. Oh my. This certainly was not the conversation he wanted to overhear. When they'd gone out to Joe's way back when, a drunk Kepner had told an even drunker Ross the barest details of her past with Avery, including the fact that...well, that Dr. Avery was the only person Dr. Kepner had ever been with. It was probably more then Shane had the right to know. It was probably more than he wanted to know. But he did know and he didn't spread it around. It was kept filed away in his mind. Another part of the puzzle that was the mess of Jackson and April, which Shane felt intrinsically involved in, since it loosely involved his own friend. And now this Matthew fella.

April's voice sounded small, but hopeful. "He won't?"

Oh dear. Oh dear. It seemed now that perhaps April and her all paramedic must be close to that...er that stage in their new relationship where stuff like your sexual history came up. The thing Shane didn't quite understand was that it seemed like April had come to Jackson for advice. About how to tell the paramedic she was a virgin. Even though she wasn't.

Then again, Shane figured she'd probably done one of those chastity pledge things you heard about. Or the whole ordeal with Avery had made her want to go back to the way things were before. Sex had turned out to be complicated, so Kepner might want to forestall dealing with that with Matt. Or maybe the paramedic dude was some unforgiving religious zealot who would care whether she was a virgin or not? The guy seemed a little too 'gee shucks swell' to be that unforgiving, but Shane had seen stuff like that before. It sucked.

Shane knew that Kepner and himself had a lot in common when it came to their lack of finesse with romance and all of that. He suspected that she was slightly less experienced than even he was (which was probably some kind of record) and it made sense that his mentor would have a lot of concerns about moving forward. Especially when it came to sex and all of that.

But the crux of it all was why ask Avery about it?

"He might be worried you're mentally ill," Dr. Avery answered. "Because it makes you sound like a nutjob."

Ouch. That was the thing though. Shane didn't know if he liked Avery or not. Most of the time he leaned toward the not side of things. But even so? Shane felt for the attending almost as much as he felt for his mentor. He was a guy, and he wasn't a virgin. Even in situations where he'd been perfectly happy to part ways with a particular lady, (well...the particular lady, but who was counting?) it never felt good to know, find out, or think about them getting it on, or worse getting serious with someone else. Wincing at the totally sexist nature of his thoughts, Shane posited that the only description for the feeling was territorial. He really didn't believe any guy had claim over a girl just because they'd slept together. It was just a feeling that came up sometimes.

And Shane knew without a doubt that this moment was worse for Avery because on top of that normal feeling of being territorial, the plastic surgeon had deep deep feelings for April Kepner. This conversation couldn't be easy for the guy. No wonder he kind of lashed out.

Shane sighed, and leaned his head back against the wall.

"Good to have you back pal."

Kepner's sarcastic reply came in an even tone, but Shane would guess that something in her expression gave Avery pause because the man quickly added, "Hey, I am kidding-"

"No, I know. See ya," Kepner opened the door and moved into the hallway at a brisk pace.

Dr. Avery tried to back peddle, "Come on! April-"

His words seemed to have no effect, as the red haired attending continued to move through the hallway, rounding the corner and running smack dab into Shane. He sheepishly realized that he'd gotten too caught up in eavesdropping to consider making a getaway. He hadn't even slipped his uncapped black marker out of sight.

"Ross!" Kepner said, barely able to stop short in time to avoid crashing into him. He could tell she was a little shaken up because of the way her chin was set and the way her eyes darted around. Shane new her well though, right now April wanted to hide that. He was an intern and she was in attending mode.

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh...I am on Dr. Shepherd's service!" Shane announced abruptly. It was the only thing he could think of to say. It wasn't a lie.

"What are you doing down there though? I thought he had that photo op."

"He does...he just...asked me to do some...scut for him in the meantime."

April raised an eyebrow, and flicked her gaze down to the marker in Shane's hand, "Scut work?"

"M-more like an errand, really," Shane tried to explain.

It was clear that his mentor did not believe him, but it seemed she was upset enough not to push the issue. Instead Kepner swallowed and held his gaze for a moment before moving to walk past him.

"Okay. Do your best to help Shepherd. This...this isn't the time to slack. Just because the hospital is...No matter what is going on, I don't want to hear anything about you interns being lazy."

Shane nodded, "You won't Dr. Kepner. I promise."

He almost wanted to say something more as he watched her retreat down the long hallway. He wanted to say something, anything, to make her downcast expression disappear. But he couldn't really just come out and say "I don't think you are a nutjob" because a) she would know he'd overheard everything and that would be awkward for both of them and b) normal people don't really just randomly bust out with comments like that. Shane also thought that his words probably wouldn't matter that much anyway, as earnest as they would be. He was pretty sure only Dr. Avery saying he didn't think she was crazy could make her feel any better.

After she left, Shane paused, staring at the poster he'd come to vandalize. Dr. Shepherd's giant grinning face above a simple word. A kind idea.

Compassion. The hospital probably needed more of that anyway.

He glanced across that hall and caught sight of Dr. Avery through the window of the procedure room. He was mid liposuction, but it was clear to Shane that the man was deep in thought. A scrub nurse brushed past Shane and poked her head through the door, giving some sort of message to Dr. Avery about his next patient. Shane noted that when the door was open Avery was starting at the sign.

The small action and the traffic around that particular poster made Shane reluctant to be vicious to it. There were other posters in better locations around the hospital. He didn't need to hit this one right now. Content with his decision he turned and made his way down the busy hallway, looking for the next poster to mark.


	7. Chapter 7

"Can I ask you something?"

Shane should have noticed. He should have noticed the moment he approached the bench to speak with his mentor that something was a miss with April Kepner.

Her posture was slumped, and she was staring out at the dim parking lot as though she wasn't really looking at it. Dr. Kepner's legs were crossed up on the bench in what would no so politically correctly be called 'Indian Style'. The way they make children sit in school. there was also the apparently unnoticed dampness of her lab coat revealed how long she'd been sitting out in the Seattle mist. Shane should have picked up on all this. He prided himself on his keen powers for taking in the smallest of details about the people around him. It was one of his best tools for navigating the baffling social world of this hospital.

Except the whole 'hospital is closing, you just lost your job thing' had messed with his head and his skills of observation. Shane had just walked right up to his mentor, far too focused with his own looming issues to notice that April Kepner was not herself. If he was preoccupied about his future as a doctor, it was clear that Kepner was even more worried. The ER was gone and April was not a board certified fellow. Her options would be limited.

Shane was so preoccupied with protecting his own skin that he failed to notice that April looked lost.

His mentor looked up at him and spoke teary dazed way, "You wanna know how something like this can happen?"

Shane really wasn't going to ask that question, but he figured he may as well let her speak, since it was clear that that was the question on April's mind. Plus he always appreciated her perspective on things. Some of the best advice he'd received so far as an intern, about life and work, had come from Dr. Kepner.

"I don't know," she continued. "I guess I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. It's all part of some plan...you're supposed to learn something."

April's brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed as she stared out at the parking lot in from of their bench, like she really was searching for that sign; proof that this was all just part of some grand lesson that would, in the end, teach everyone something and leave them all better off. As much as he valued his mentor's insights, Shane just could not see how on earth that could be the case now.

There was no way getting let go from a doomed hospital would help anyone's path to a good surgical career and Shane felt like for him lessons weren't going to be drawn. He'd played absolutely no part in any of the financial ruin that had killed Seattle Grace. Nor had he ever for one moment taken for granted the privilege he had in being an intern. Or of being a doctor. A man of medicine; one who heals.

He felt as though he had done everything right, or at least made a good faith effort to do so, and he was still being crapped on. Shane supposed April felt that way too judging by the trauma surgeon's next words.

"You lose a patient because you forget to check their airway, you don't make that mistake again. You fail your boards because you are too busy sleeping with your best friend, maybe you stop doing that."

Shane's eyes widened and he swallowed. So there it was. Another piece in the puzzle of Kepner and Avery. He knew that they were friends before they'd hooked up. That they had kind of dated, but not really. He even knew that Jackson Avery was April Kepner's first. Shane knew that this sex outside of marriage thing went against Kepner's beliefs (a trait which Shane could just hear his grandmother applauding all the way back home). He also knew that she'd failed her boards. It was part of the reason she was so professionally vulnerable now. But the thing he hadn't known was how the facts fitted together.

Why April Kepner, who from his experience with all the attendings was certainly one of the best teachers, had failed her boards?

And the answer to that question, only served to make things more complicated as far as Shane could tell. Because April was saying that sleeping with Jackson Avery had impacted her performance at her boards. Quite negatively, in fact. And that, mixed in with the religion and Avery's arrogance and everything else? Maybe that was why it was so hard for them. The one thing Shane had had a hard time understanding all along. Why Jackson and April, who so clearly wanted to be together, who's gaze automatically sought the other as soon as that person looked away, just couldn't seem to manage to come back to each other. Whatever it was they had was linked to a failure. A pretty big failure.

That association might be hard for either of them to un-link. For Kepner particularly.

April rolled on, oblivious to Shane's drifting thoughts. Her voice wavered, "The hospital you call home shuts down just when you are starting to finally feel like you've got your life together..."

Shane felt a little uncomfortable. He felt bad. This was all getting a little too heavy. He'd bonded and learned a lot of this stuff with April at Joe's Bar after they'd both needed to lick their wounds after learning of the unfortunate thing going on between Stephanie and Jackson. It had been a really good moment actually. After that, Shane really felt as though their relationship as friends grew. She'd also made a consistent effort to teach him, and Shane was grateful for that.

But it was one thing to watch your mentor cry in a bar when she was drunk and you were too. This was at work. And stone cold sober. And it made Shane sad to see someone he respected so much look so lost.

So he tried half heartedly to lighten the mood,"Actually I was gonna ask for a letter of recommendation..."

For a slit second, Shane thought his ruse had worked, but his relief was shattered when April turned to look at him. Her gaze was full of pain, fear, and he didn't even think it was overstepping to describe the expression as one of despair.

"Oh."

The word cut from her lips wearily, propped up and propelled by the same single harsh breath that wanted to be a laugh. And then for a moment, April Kepner fell apart. Right there on a bench in front of what would soon be the building formerly know as Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital.

Shane's heart ached for his friend as she hung her head and cried, so he continued lamely, "But I could probably ask someone else."

April seemed to pull herself together a little bit. She squeaked, holding back her tears, "That might be best."

Shane swallowed and rubbed his hands together, uncertain of how to handle this. He was a caring, empathetic person, and he was a man. Tears were not things he was great at dealing with. He figured he had two options. The first was the easiest, but also the least appealing. He could leave. Simply extract himself from the situation and return to work. Or there was option two. Stay and try to offer what comfort he could, even though he was positive there was no comfort to be had anyway. Plus he wasn't even good at dealing with things like this. It made him twitchy and nervous when someone was in distress and he couldn't fix it. Shane was a doctor after all.

But, looking at his mentor, Shane knew that the decision was moot. April looked so alone and so forlorn. She was his friend, and his teacher to boot. He couldn't abandon her, no matter how uncomfortable he felt.

"So...that's what happened with boards?" Shane blurted, unable to let the silence continue.

April whipped her nose with the cuffs of her lab coat, "Yep. I mean...I don't know. It seems so."

Shane mentally kicked himself. Way to go. This is totally going to make her feel worse. April was sad, and talking about this was only going to make her feel even more like a failure. Maybe she'd be better off if Shane did just go back in side the hospital. He felt as though he was only pouring salt in the wounds at things point. And yet, he found he was unable to move from the bench.

Kepner turned to face him, chewing her lip nervously, "I've never told anyone that before."

Shane nodded, "I can understand why...but...look on the bright side."

"There is not really a bright side to any of this, Ross," April retorted.

"Yes, there is!" Shane pushed on, determined to turn around at least a little of his mentors heartache. If he could ease her burdens just a little bit, then maybe they could go inside and enjoy their last few opportunities to work at the jobs they loved.

"You failed your because you had a lot going on," he explained. "Not because you are actually incompetent."

"Oh," April replied once again. This time the laughter that accompanied the word did not end in full blown sobbing, to Shane's relief. "There is that I suppose."

Silence fell between them again, and Shane's shoulders slumped. April was staring straight ahead again with her hands folded in her lap, seemingly in deep thought. He didn't know at this point if he was helping or hurting, but as the quiet continued, Shane tentatively scooted closer to his mentor on the bench.

He froze then she suddenly spoke again.

"You should ask Dr. Shepherd for recommendation," April concluded, looking at her hands. "That really would be the best way to go for you. He has more clout. A real reputation. Application committees will recognize his name. People care what he says."

Shane's forehead wrinkled. She just didn't understand. Sure, he wanted to emulate Dr. Shepherd's career, and he loved learning and serving on the neuro surgeon's service. But April was his teacher. She was the first attending to take any sort of interest in him, and he'd watched her long enough to know that she was one of the most compassionate and organized attends in the hospital. She might not be destined for the same kind of career Derek Shepherd had, but Shane knew that April would do great things in medicine too. She just had a different trajectory. Shane kind of felt cool, because he felt like he was the only one who saw what a good teacher his mentor was. Eventually, he figured other people would catch on, but for now Shane was pleased to know he was one of the first.

And she was someone he wanted to emulate as a person. And he wanted to be like her when the time came for Shane to become a teacher.

He replied simply, and looked her straight in the eye, "I care what you say."

Kepner gulped and shrugged, using one finger to brush another tear from the corner of her eye, "You're the only one."

Shane sighed. At the moment that was kind of true. Though Shane and Stephanie and his own friends had briefly discovered the wonders of being on Kepner's service when the ER had been open, there were plenty of other interns and residents who called her the dud. And since it was trauma and all the blood and gore of the pit where April shined, the past weeks hadn't done much for her reputation. And as far as he could tell, virtually all the other attendings kind of treated her like a joke as well. The teasing was mostly well intentioned, and even funny a lot of the time. And the other fellows certainly had April's back when she'd brought in the hit and run patient. But Shane had always perceived a difference in the way Kepner's cohort treated her.

He kind of saw it in his own circle actually. Only for them the foursome was Shane, Stephanie, Heather, and Jo, with Leah on the outs. Looking at the effects of something like that on Dr. Kepner made Shane rethink his behavior. From this perspective he felt like a bit of a douche. His lesson from his mentor today would come in the form of changing his future actions when it came to Leah. Even if he didn't like her, he vowed never to act too cold. You never knew how a person felt on the inside. Or how much your words might get to them.

Out of the fellows in April's group, Yang and Medusa, Karev and Avery, the only one who seemed to consistently respect and defend Dr. Kepner professionally was Jackson. Though lately they'd been pretty much steering clear of each other, and occasionally stand offish when they were in the same room, Jackson always defended April when she wasn't around and someone crossed the line in snarkiness. Shane had overheard it in the OR many a time. Yang was often the culprit, or Karev. He never let the comment sit. Further proof, in Shane's ever expanding body of evidence that Jackson Avery loved April Kepner as much as he suspected she loved him.

"I don't think I am the only one," Shane said finally.

He scooted over once again, closing the gap between them on the bench and reaching out to pull his mentor into a loose hug. He wasn't sure how April would react, but to his pleasant surprise, she let him. Kepner sniffed and he patted her shoulder awkwardly. It was the best he could do, and at least she didn't seem to be crying as much.

"Someday, Dr. Kepner," Shane said firmly, willing her to believe. "People will care what you have to say. Someday, lots of people will care."


	8. Chapter 8

"Ross!"

Shane stopped short his brisk pace down the hallway, so abruptly that his sneakers squeaked on the shiny tile hospital floors.

A scowling Stephanie jogged up to his side from the far end of the hall, resting a hand on one shoulder, "Are you busy?"

Technically no. He'd just gotten himself removed from Dr. Bailey's service for talking to much, and all he had left to do before his shift ended was to finish up charts and do a final round on his patients. That could be done on any schedule.

"No, why?"

"Dr. Kepner wants you."

"I thought you were on her service?" Shane asked, ignoring the lingering awkwardness that he still felt around his friend...well...yeah.

Stephanie was only ever his friend. He could not compete on the level of Jackson Avery. Especially now that the plastics fellow was chairman of the hospital board. It was foolish of him to ever think he could compete.

That development had made things even more strange between Shane and Stephanie. Really it had even made things strange between her and all of their intern group. She was all proud, and genuinely believed that the plane crash survivors and the Harper Avery Foundation buying the hospital was a good thing. And maybe it was. It sure was hell beat getting taken over by Pegasus. Or being closed.

But there was still a lot of uncertainty surrounding it all. Not all t's had been crossed, nor had every i been dotted. No one from above was really talking much, so interns like Shane knew little about what was going on. The ER still hadn't reopened, and word from the nurses was that Dr. Hunt had either quit or been fired. Hardly confidence instilling.

But Shane had to admit that for Stephanie it was. Jackson being a part of it was somehow enough for her. Not that Shane was sure what Avery's new position meant for any of them. Himself, the rest of the interns, the attendings who weren't on the board. April Kepner. Stephanie.

He'd honestly never expected her 'thing' with Dr. Avery to last this long, but she seemed to be happy, despite everything. Maybe Shane would just have to accept that. He would only ever be a friend to Stephanie. It was just hard to make the feelings go away.

"Well I was," Stephanie explained quickly. "But then our ALS patient kind of fired us, because Kepner advised against doing a DD, so I asked if I could go assist Dr. Webber on his lap-appy, and she said it was fine, but then the guy let us back on his case, and I couldn't go assist, and...the patient...expired. They are doing the transplant extraction now. She asked for you."

Shane frowned. That was a little odd. Not that it was odd really for his mentor to want him on her service (though lately she'd been encouraging him to diversify his rotations, instead of sticking mostly with her general cases, and Shepherd's neuro ones). It was just strange that she should want him now. After all, if the transplant team was already doing there thing...there really wasn't that much left to actually do for the patient. Considering he was deceased.

But for whatever reason, Dr. Kepner had asked for him, and Shane wasn't about to refuse. She probably just wanted to test his stitching abilities while they closed the patient up. She certainly knew it had been an issue for him back when those biker's came through the ER. Shane nodded to Stephanie and said, "Okay, where I am I going?"

"OR 2."

Shane nodded and waved stiffly to his friend before he quickly made his way to the OR level. He shook his head when he thought of the lame gesture. Real smooth, Ross. Real smooth.

As he walked town the hallway toward his destination, Shane dodged several transplant teams as they rushed away from the operating theater, carrying the precious coolers. They were taking life saving organs on the beginnings of their journeys to new bodies. And new lives. Saving peoples lives. He counted at least 7 that he passed, and couldn't help but marvel at the fact that medical science made a thing like transplant surgery possible at all. To imagine that living organs could be passed from one person to another was just...it was too big. Too mind blowing. It was one of many wonders that pulled Shane to the world of medicine in the first place.

Shane opened the door to the scrub room, and winced as he nearly ran head long into a very angry Dr. Karev. the peds surgeon was pretty intimidating on a good day, and positively terrifying on a bad one. Now he seemed to be somewhere in the middle, fuming, but not quite ready to come to blows. He was leaning against the door frame with one arm and peering through to the operating room.

"Kepner, get a move on! Dude is dead."

Glancing through the windows, Shane could see April hovering just beyond the body of her patient, as the last transplant team placed his liver into a cooler and left the OR. Deftly avoiding Dr. Karev's elbows, Shane made his way to the sink, and began to scrub in, because...well that's what you did before entering an OR. Even if the patient is dead.

"I'm here, I'm here!" He called out catching is mentors eye. April nodded at him approvingly before answering Alex.

She was glaring at Karev, "Go find another OR! I'm taking as long as this needs and I have permission to do that. Ross and I still have to close."

Alex rolled his eyes, "This could be done way sooner. Just stitch him up and send him downstairs. Let those guys worry about making it look pretty! You're not a freaking mortician."

Something flashed in Dr. Kepner's eyes and she snapped, "Shut up, Alex!"

"Look, I gotta kid kidney transplant to freaking coordinate, and the damn transplant coordinator quit, and so did freaking Hunt and the stupid OR's are all full," Alex grumbled.

"I know!"

"Uh," Shane stammered awkwardly, gesturing behind him.

"What?" Alex demanded, turning his fiery gaze to Shane and making him wince.

"I know OR 3 is free. I saw them clearing out of there on my way down here."

"There! See?" April said triumphantly. "Go bother them Karev. They're done before we are."

Without another word, beyond muttered cursing, Dr. Karev brushed past Shane and into the hallway. Shaking his head and pulling on his surgical gloves, Shane chuckled nervously. Dr. Karev was a top notch fellow. Best in the pediatric department by a landslide. But the guy also had a reputation for being difficult and for sometimes handling himself in a manner that was more suited to be exhibited by the patients he treated, rather than by the surgeon himself.

"He's sure in a hurry..." Shane commented as he reached the side of the gurney.

"Yep," April replied flatly.

It was only when Shane got up close, standing directly across from April with the patient between them that he noticed the slight tremor in his mentor's hands. She held the stitching implements in her hands just above the open body cavity of her patient. For all her snark and bravado with Dr. Karev, up close Dr. Kepner seemed a little freaked out. Casting around for an explanation, Shane noticed that the someone, likely the last transplant team had forgotten to cover over the dead man's face with a towel. It was a customary thing to do with the dead, and Shane could understand his mentor being a little unnerved by seeing her patient's face.

Shane sure knew he was, so he reached out for a towel to pull over the man's head, only to have April reach out one hand, "No...it's...leave it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said more firmly. "Leave it. He's still a person. We need to keep thinking of him that way."

"Okay," Shane responded tentatively before he picked up his own set of threads and looked up at Dr. Kepner expectantly. "So, are we're just doing a standard close?"

She sniffed, "Actually, I...I wanted to see if we could do the, uh close with a continuous stitch. Have you done one of those before?"

Shane was momentarily taken aback. That kind of stitch was harder, more complex and less visible on the skin than other techniques they might have done. It was usually reserved for visible parts on a living patient to avoid scarring. He'd never heard of it being used on a deceased patient. But based on the tight lipped and quiet mood of his mentor, Shane could tell that using this stitch meant a lot.

"Only on fruit," he quipped after a moment.

April smiled faintly at his joke, "Well, I know you are a quick study so...I need...you to help me do this."

Nodding Shane moved his hands into position and began following her instructions and closing up the open wounds on the man's torso. It was clear, from the way Kepner was operating that she wasn't quite herself. They took care and reverence for each motion over the body. The OR was eerily quiet as they worked. Normally the sound of monitors and the chatter of nurses and doctors filled the room. But the patient had no vitals to monitor, and there were no nurses to monitor them. Normally, April herself was one to fill silences. But not tonight. So, Shane didn't push it. He understood. Dr. Kepner might not be tearful or distraught, but he could tell she was upset. She'd just lost a patient.

After several moments work in silence April sighed, "I know you think it's weird."

"What?"

"This technique. It's supposed to...well...prevent scarring."

Neither of them chose to comment on the futile goal of preventing scars on a dead body.

"It's very clean," Shane said simply, gazing down at the half finished job.

The stitching was very neat and precise. Not choppy and hurried, like some normal closes on dead people ended up. The cut pieces of skin were drawn back together nearly perfectly, reforming what had once been a living breathing abdomen and chest as though someone had only taken a pencil on some illustrated body and drawn out the incisions. If you squinted it would be hard to tell that a surgery had been done at all, let alone one that had vacated this body of most of it's internal organs.

"He should look nice," April continued, eyes narrowing as she carefully threaded a surgical needle over through the patient's chest.

"Did you treat him for a long time?"

"No," she answered. "But I knew him back at Mercy West when I was a resident."

Shane swallowed, unable to prevent himself from thinking about his own friends and acquaintances in the Seattle Grace Mercy West residency program. It was hard to picture what it would be like to have to treat one of them as patients someday. Shane couldn't help but wonder a bit about how his mentor must be feeling, since this guy was a physician assisted suicide and in a way directly facilitated his death.

"Did you know him well?"

"Well enough. We...got coffee a couple of times. Knew the same people. Studied together. He told me in person about his diagnosis."

"ALS."

"Yes," April nodded. "He...wasn't fully advanced, yet, but he wanted to be sure his organs where..."

"He could have gotten an infection. The risk increases the longer..."

"Exactly."

They were both doctors. They knew the risks associated with the long, slow, and painful decline that ALS patients had.

"He d-did a..noble thing. I don't know If I could ever..."

"Me too," Shane agreed with wide eyes. "Talk about brave."

He didn't know if he could. Shane was always one to look forward in his life. In high school he'd longed for graduation. In college, he'd focused on his future in medical school. In medical school, Shane had envisioned his triumphs as a surgeon. As an intern he flattered himself with day dreams of winning a Harper Avery. It was hard to imagine how it would feel to know that no matter what you did, or how much you fought, your body would betray you and you would die.

Washington was a state that allowed Death with Dignity to be an option for patients like this. Hell of a decision to have to make.

"That's why...he should...that's why we're closing this way, Ross. For his family. For...his mother."

Shane understood that. Not only because she'd known the patient, or because she knew his family. It was something that could be done. It wouldn't ease the pain of the loss in anyway, but it would show them that care was given to a man who had done a wonderful and selfless thing. A sign of respect. Your patient never really stopped being your patient even when they died.

April laughed stiffly. "I'm a trauma surgeon. I'm not supposed to have cases like this."

"Bit of a departure from car crashes and sex injuries, huh? And lump and bump day."

"God, I need an ER," April moaned. "And board certification."

Shane only nodded. Hoping that his mentor would achieve these things, hoping that Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital could give her what she wanted. He'd hate to lose her advice. Shane hoped it could give him the opportunity to learn in a Level 1 trauma center too.

It didn't take long before all their stitching was finished, and the close was complete. April sent Shane back into the scrub room to get some wet cloths and they carefully wiped the blood off of the man's chest. Again, it wasn't standard for a fellow and a surgical resident to do this, there were people downstairs in the hospital morgue who's job it was to make bodies look presentable, in case the family wanted to see their loved on again. But Shane didn't question it.

In the silence of the room, both Shane and April were startled when a voice was heard in the far corner of the room. When both he and his mentor jumped, Jackson winced and cleared his throat. He was looking at Dr. Kepner tenderly, despite the continued tension between them, which as far as Shane could see had only increased since Avery had been made 'king of the board' (as Dr. Bailey had snarkily described things before she'd kicked Shane out of her OR).

Poor Avery was on the outs with almost everyone now. Or so it seemed. Shane kind of felt bad, even if he was never Jackson's biggest fan. From the other members of the board, to attendings like Bailey, to fellows like Karev, Jackson Avery was not the most popular person right at this very moment. Only Stephanie seemed to have fully embraced the transition. And an interns opinion didn't amount to much.

He'd heard from Nurse Mandeeb that Hunt has resigned because he'd found out that the Harper Avery Foundation (with Jackson as its mouthpiece) had wanted to fire him. And Shane was pretty sure that, on top of all the other complications that existed between them, April was probably a little resentful of the fact that Hunt, her mentor, had left the hospital in a sense because of Jackson.

"Are you done in here?" Jackson asked quietly. "Not to rush, but space is limited and-"

"Yes," April looked up from the table and over Shane's shoulder, so he assumed she was looking the plastic surgeon right in the eyes. He felt slightly uncomfortable, because the energy in the room had definitely changed. For all the denial and pretensions, Shane knew he was the odd man out. There was something between them, large and unresolved.

"Yes, we are," Dr. Kepner repeated, as she stepped back and folded her wet towel and set it on an instrument tray. "Ross, you can go." She briefly focused her gaze on Shane instead of Dr. Avery, and smiled a sad smile. "Thank you."

Shane didn't need to be told twice and he folded his towel and rushed past Dr. Avery into the scrub room to wash his hands. Keeping his head down and as focused on the sink and running water in front of him, Shane also couldn't help but monitor his teachers out of the corner of his eye. Dr. Avery had taken several steps, moving closer to Dr. Kepner than he'd ever observed in the past. She seemed aware of this too, and took a step back. Moving his soapy hands under the hot water for a second pass, Shane wondered whether they'd say anything at all, or if they'd just stand there.

As curious as Shane was, he knew he could only stay to wash his hands for so long before it became weird and intrusive. If it wasn't already.

It was Kepner who broke the silence, "Brad's dead."

Avery's brow furrowed and he quickly looked to the head of the bed, realization dawning on his face, "That...that was Brad? Like...Brad Parker, Brad? Our Brad?"

"Our Brad."

Shane hung his head. Avery might be feeling bad too, if he thought about it. Since they were friends at Mercy West. The guy was already having a difficult time, and on top of it all he was unintentionally standing in a room with the dead body of a person he knew. Talk about bad day.

"Oh man," Jackson continued, running a hand across his forehead. "I saw the name on the chart; I didn't even connect. That is Brad."

"Yeah," Dr. Kepner nodded.

Avery swore, and hung his head. He was getting really upset, and was obviously frustrated from his whole shift, "I can't believe I didn't realize it was him. I saw the chart; I've just been so buried with all this...board crap. I should have visited him. I mean, you said he was doing the DD, but you thought he shouldn't and maybe I could have convinced him to wait or-"

"No," April shook her head, tentatively reaching out to Avery but stopping short because of her gloves or something else. "No...it was kind of terrible, Jackson, but...he did a good thing. A very Brad thing to do. No one was going to change his mind. I understand that now. It's okay Jackson."

"Are you okay?"

April swallowed, "Yes."

Jackson lifted his eyes and sighed heavily, "I suck."

"No, you don't."

"I do. I'm not cut out for all this...board politics stuff,," Avery shook his head. "I'm not. They...Shepherd and the rest. They have their interests and agendas and my mother and the Foundation have their own and I don't think that they line up. Shepherd treats me like some sort of child and so does my mother. And I mean, they...Grey and Yang and...they did this to save the hospital. And my family wants to change things and I just can't give them all what they-"

"You don't have to do anything any of them want you to do," April reasoned, pulling off her gloves. "All you have to worry about is doing what you think is right."

Jackson laughed, "That easy?"

"Easy is..." she shrugged. "Easy is overrated. Besides...this is too huge to be easy..."

"I don't know what to do."

An suddenly, for a moment, Shane was certain that they were no longer talking about Jackson Avery's new job. It felt very personal. The words cut deep and meant so much more. If only they could both see the double meaning. Shane didn't think they did. Yet, it was clear that, whatever pain they'd caused each other, and whatever the mess Avery and Kepner had been trying to avoid in the past several months, they genuinely worried for each other. And cared enough to try to help.

Finally, April shrugged, and seemed to cast around for the right words, "This...this is a hospital run by doctors. That's huge. Amazing. Keep that in mind, and I'm sure you'll figure out what to do. I know you will."

Avery shook his head ruefully, "No suggestions?"

"This is all on you Jackson. I know you can do a good job, you just need to...I know you are mad that your mom put you in this situation, but she did and it is what it is. You can't change that. What you can do is stop whining and freaking out about everything. Just suck it up and do it," Kepner replied sternly.

"Right. It's on me."

Shane's hands were definitely clean and he could not drag the process out even more. He turned to the towels and quickly dried his hands off. As he made his way out of the scrub room, Shane looked over his shoulder one last time. As the door closed behind him, he caught one last exchange between Kepner and Avery. It made him sigh. Maybe they were like he and Steph. Maybe they were letting each other go too. And yet? Yet it seemed like they shouldn't.

"But I suppose you wouldn't be opposed to reopening the ER?" Jackson teased.

April smiled and bit her lower lip, "You said it, not me."


	9. Chapter 9

Shane eyed his patients father apprehensively as he led the man into her recovery room. The young woman still had yet to regain consciousness but was stable enough for visitors. the situation was stable, and for the moment Dr. Shepherd had apparently convinced the man that physical violence was not going to do anything to help the situation. The daughters vitals were doing well for the moment, so hopefully nothing would set the guy off.

Swallowing nervously, Shane gestured to the girl's monitors as her father gingerly sat down by her bedside, "See, sir? Right now she's alive. Stable. Not hurting. We'll just have to wait and see what happens next, okay?"

"I guess..."

"For what it is worth," Shane tried to comfort. "She's young. Younger brains have better recovery rates. And Dr. Shepherd is the best."

"Thanks, kid. Sorry about earlier."

"Not a problem," Shane fumbled. "You were...distraught."

The man nodded and tenderly clasped his child's hand, starting to weep at her bedside. Instantly Shane's sympathy for the guy grew, even if he was still a little afraid. He backed out of the room, replying, "I'll just...give you some privacy. Call button is the red one if you need anything..."

Dropping off his charts at the nurses station, Shane headed to the ER in search of his friends, and in the small vain hope that he might still have a chance to observe the lodos radiation x-ray stats scanner in use tonight. Given how long he'd been in surgery with Dr. Shepherd, Shane knew that the odds high that he'd missed the machine inaugural use. Of course he had. It only took 13 seconds! He could have missed thousands of scans already. He didn't mind though. Working alongside Derek Shepherd on a real live surgical patient was as much of a treat as a new machine. More of one really, for Shane's own ambition.

Plus, nights in the ER were long, and this one was still young.

Shane rubbed his hands together in excitement as the elevator doors opened, and he stepped out onto the newly reopened (and remodeled) Emergency Room. It was so cool. And a thousand miles away from where he'd thought they'd be with the ER only weeks ago when it had been closed. And now it looked even more classy and official with the new hospital name and logo added to the tiles and walls.

Grey Sloan Memorial still didn't quite roll off of Shane's tongue as easily as the mouthful Seattle Grace Mercy West once had, but Shane had to admit the newness of everything was growing on him. It was like starting a new residency at a new hospital without all the paperwork, or saying goodbye to all his friends. Despite being hard to get used to, new management wasn't so bad after all. And the new toys were nothing to sneeze at either. They had all the bells and whistles now, and the combined forces of Dr. Shepherd and the rest, plus the Harper Avery Foundation had allowed the hospital to finally feel secure.

Shane had been there when the construction crews had started installing all the new ER features and machines. Chief Hunt and Dr. Kepner had looked like kids in a candy store. With unlimited funding and no such thing as a sugar overload. And who could blame them? Shane was pretty giddy too.

He ventured over to the nearly empty ER, passing Dr. Kepner at the nurses station with a small wave, and caught sight of his friends standing just outside the new Lodox chamber.

"Hey guys!" Shane grinned, rushing to their sides and glancing back and forth between them eagerly. "How'd it go tonight?"

Leah pursed her lips and lifted a mocking fist to 'rub' her eye, teasing, "Poor Shaney-waney missed all the Lodox action. Motorcycle crash."

Shane rolled his eyes and leaned against the glass doors forlornly. So they had gotten the chance to use it today. Leah and Heather had seen it first. Dang it. He prided himself, (or tried to at least) on not being someone who was prone to jealousy, but he could feel the pangs of the little green monster rising in his chest even as his friends continued to speak.

"We found my marble!" Heather said excitedly, gesturing vaguely to her mid section as Leah nodded eagerly.

Wrinkling his nose and nodding his head, Shane said, "That's good."

"I could get Bailey to take it out if I wanted," Heather continued. "I mean, now we know where it is. But I've been living with it in here for years, and I am not dead yet so..."

Leah rolled her eyes, "You should get it taken out before it bores into some undiscovered recces in your large intestine, punctures the tissue and turns septic!"

"If that was going to happen it would have happened already," Heather shook her head seriously and held up a hand, using a strange approximation of an okay sign. "That's the beauty of a marble, Leah. Perfect sphere; no punctures. Plus it's a cool story!"

The short heard intern grinned and looked back and forth between her friends hopefully. Leah rolled her eyes and huffed. Shane actually thought it was pretty weird and a little gross to know that a marble had been inhabiting his friend's body for over twenty years, but he nodded awkwardly.

"Y-yeah. Really. Cool story, Brooks."

He supposed it was because he liked Heather a bit more than he liked Leah overall. Shane had been spending more and more time with these particular members of his intern group, since his roommates, Jo and Heather were becoming more and more scarce due to their budding 'relationships' with a certain OB/GYN and plastics fellow turned boss.

Shane didn't want to say that he missed them even thought it felt like he never saw them anymore. His friends had their own lives, and they were free to do what they wanted (or who they wanted, as the case may be) and it was none of Shane's business if he felt that some poor decisions were being made. It didn't matter if he felt left out or forgotten or whatever. He was fine. He was a surgeon.

Surgeon's didn't feel lonely.

Leah's pager beeped, and she squinted at the screen with a groan, "Gotta go."

Waving to their friend absently, both Shane and Heather continued to gaze at the shiny Lodox in the room in front of them. It looked so sleek and beautiful and just the very pinnacle of all things technological. Man could peer into the body, the truest final frontier on this earth.

Shane sighed. He'd probably have to wait until tomorrow to use it. Heather nudged him, and glanced behind her as Shane's flushed looking mentor made her way to their side.

April did look a little more flustered than normal. Her hair was a little loser than it should have been and she seemed twitchy, but Shane figured all of that could be chocked up to getting her ER (and some job security back). As far as he knew (or had heard from his various nursing pals), nothing of great significance had gone down for Kepner on the Avery front either.

Then again, from what Shane had heard in the brief moments he did get see see Steph at the apartment, ever since this whole Harper Avery buyout situation, there hadn't been much of anything going on for her Avery front either, for which he was immensely glad.

Heather did not fail to notice that Dr. Kepner was a little fidgety, and she had absolutely no filter so she asked,"What's got you all hot and bothered?"

Shane rolled his eyes.

"Hey you two," Dr. Kepner chastised, ignoring Brooks' joking comment and straightening her shoulders. "I know the Lodox is awesome, but I don't think your paychecks cover gawking...don't you have...charts you could be updating or something?"

Shane smirked and tore his forlorn gaze from the new x-ray machine. Heather surveyed the near empty ER and shrugged, "I'm done with mine."

"Me too," he nodded.

Crossing her arms, April pursed her lips sheepishly, "Actually, mine are all finished too."

The new electronic ER system was very efficient, and cut down on a lot of paperwork and time. But with a slow ER, that didn't leave them much to do. Especially when Shane was scheduled to work the ER overnight.

Without an incoming trauma or pages from current stable patients, it was going to be a long and boring shift. Made that much more unbearable knowing he was going to be tortured by the sight of the Lodox. You can look, but you can't touch.

"What was it like?" Shane blurted, returning his gaze to the new machine. April was staring at the Lodox too. "When you got to use it?"

Dr. Kepner continued to gaze at the machine, "It was wonderful."

She sighed, her voice catching almost imperceptibly, and Shane was so taken aback that he turned to stare at his mentor, feeling oddly uncomfortable. They were looking at the new machine and Shane was fairly certain that his mentor was talking about the new machine, but given the tone of her voice he would hardly be 100 %sure.

"It really was. In 13 seconds you see what it would take hours of regular x-rays to find..." Heather enthused. "The level of detail is incredible. Crystal clear, too."

"Sounds fun..." Shane slumped his shoulders. Yes, as much as he was trying not to be, he felt a little jealous. He'd have to wait for a car crash or something.

"It was totally worth the wait though," April added quickly, patting Shane on the shoulder. "You'll see."

Heather shrugged, "There's no one here. No incoming traumas either. I could show him my marble, Dr. Kepner. It would only take-"

"Thirteen seconds," they all said in unison.

They'd all been so wrapped up in the conversation and the beautiful new x-ray in front of them that Shane, April, and Heather all failed to notice Dr. Avery walk up behind them.

"Thirteen seconds to uncover the mystery," Jackson added, making the three of them jump. "You ever find that marble, Brooks?"

"Yes! I was just offering to show Dr. Ross here. Since he missed the big show..."

Kepner shook her head and glanced at her pink watch, "Sorry guys, but this is not a toy."

Jackson zeroed in on the gesture immediately and his forehead wrinkled, "Are you going home soon?"

Shane shifted his weight to one foot and huffed to himself. It was totally obvious that Dr. Avery had only decided to walk over and join them because he wanted to see Dr. Kepner. The disappointed expression at the prospect of her going home was telling enough.

"Yeah," April replied distractedly, unaware of Jackson's motives. "My shift ended about ten minutes ago actually."

After a flash of sadness on his face Avery seemed to be struggling for a reason to keep Kepner around. His gaze settled on Shane.

"Well, don't you wanna at least stay and see your 'guy' take his first ride on the Lodox? All the other interns working the pit tonight have had a shot."

Heather grinned and Shane's mouth fell open. Was he really going to get the chance to use the holy grail of modern medical technology? Tonight? Without a real trauma? Whatever issues and confusion existed between his mentor and her ex-best friend/boss/deflowering entity, and no matter how bogus Shane thought they were, for once it looked like they were going to do him some good.

April frowned, "Doesn't this thing cost like an incredible amount of money to be using frivolously?"

"Training isn't frivolous..." Jackson's eyes pleaded with her to stay. "It will help all of us. And I approve this so, what's the big deal?"

His gaze was not ineffective at all, because Dr. Kepner's already flushed cheeks seemed to turn another darker shade of red, "W-we shoud wait to use it. For an emergency. The real thing, you know?"

Smirking at his flustered friend, Avery slid open the sliding door and leading Shane and Heather eagerly into the dim Lodox room. It was taking all the will power Shane had to maintain his composure. This was really happening. He wasn't going to have to wait or wish for something terrible to happen to someone else in order to get his first crack at the machine. Well, nothing more terrible than his friend having a long lost marble trapped somewhere.

Flipping the light switch, grabbing a thick x-ray gown, and gesturing at the Lodox, Jackson argued, "Why not practice? It's here. We're here. Using it certainly isn't going to hurt anybody. Plus, everyone has to practice to get better. Practice makes perfect."

Heather nodded enthusiastically in agreement and clamored up onto the bed, laying flat and ready to be x-rayed again. After grabbing an x-ray cover, Shane moved to stand next to Dr. Avery as he flipped more switches and the x-rays computer display powered up.

Dr. Kepner, however, didn't follow them into the Lodox room. Dr. Avery's words seemed to have hit her, and make a in impenetrable force field now surrounded the room. She wasn't coming in. Instead she stood frozen in the doorway, foot lifted as though she was about to take a step inside.

Jackson smiled sadly at her, and tilted his head, "Come on, you can even show Ross the ropes. You know you want to."

April twisted her hands nervously and looked at her feet, remaining otherwise completely still. Her voice cracked, "Uh, I actually really need to go. I-I'm supposed to go meet Matthew."

Exhaling loudly, Kepner spun on her heel and fumbled away from the Lodox room, leaving Shane, Jackson, and Heather behind. Avery hung his head and his shoulders sank. He bit his lower lip and sighed in frustration.

Glancing at Heather, Shane could tell that he wasn't the only on feeling uncomfortable. She'd sat up and was watching Jackson as closely as Shane was.

"So..." Avery, said finally, stepping back with from the Lodox. "I'm just...gonna..go. Leave you guys to it. It's not that hard. Don't do more than one scan, please."

He ripped his x-ray cover off and practically stomped out of the room, leaving the two interns to their own devices.

"Um," Heather asked from the bed beneath the scanner. "What just happened?"

Shane shrugged, "I have no idea."

Lately, it had seemed that Avery and Kepner had reached a truce of sorts. They had not appeared to be actively avoiding each other in the past few weeks, and Shane had eavesdropped on several friendly conversations between the two since Jackson had gotten his new position. They'd even been spotted eating lunch together in the cafeteria, albeit on opposite ends of a table with Yang, Medusa, Krazy Dr. K from peds, and BCB between them.

This didn't seem like a big deal. Or an argument. Or a conversation at all, really. Shane didn't under stand.

After a moment of silence Heather spoke up.

"Still want to see my marble?"

Shane chuckled and gestured at her to lie back as he began reading the instructions on the Lodox operating screen, "Is that going to be your new pick up line, Brooks?"

Her head popped up and Heather laughed, "I don't need pick up lines, Ross. Usually things just happen...that's how life goes if you let it. What happens, happens."


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm not going down without a fight!"

"I'm not-"

"Save it!"

Shane frowned deeply as he stormed away from Heather's table in Joe's bar. He didn't know why it bothered him so much. He was always a bit competitive when it came to the things he cared about. He was always a fierce protector of his dreams. Shane had to be. Guys who grew up in his neighborhood were more likely to end up in jail than they were on a college campus. So Shane had learned to push himself hard, and to keep his eyes on the prize. From a very young age, he'd wanted to become a surgeon, and he'd never lost sight of that goal.

Every scholarship, fellowship, AP class, laboratory internship and crappy summer job that had gotten Shane into college and through medical school was a hard fought battle, where he bested all of his competition.

But Heather had never felt like his competition before. And for some reason the fact that Shane now felt like Brooks, of all people was his main competition, made him feel ultra defensive. He really had no idea why it bothered him so much. If it had been Stephanie or Jo, or even Leah, Shane was pretty sure he wouldn't feel as angry about the whole thing.

Because Brooks was...Brooks his friend, but he knew she was a little odd. A bit of a space cadet. She always seemed to be perpetually zooming in and out between reality and her own little world, but never staying here nor there. Never letting what anyone said about her get her down. Shane admired that actually. He'd always just figured she was less motivated than the rest. Maybe even a little less capable. Or so she'd seemed to be. Until Heather had started cutting in on Shane's turf. Neuro and Dr. Shepherd. The dream and the teacher who would be the ticket to that dream.

Heather had never seemed like a threat. At all. He'd discounted her and written her off to be destined to do some less complex, less renown branch of surgery, like ortho, or general, or trauma. That was not to say that Shane really thought that the surgeon's he knew who specialized in these areas were less capable per say than those who did brain surgery or heart surgery, or whatever. Just less famous.

Dr. Torres wasn't someone he'd worked with very closely yet, but he'd read a number of her papers and seen her work magic with metal and rods. Dr. Bailey was both terrifying and brilliant. And his mentor, Dr. Kepner could handle all the most gruesome and life threatening traumas better than anyone he'd ever seen. They all worked miracles.

But the fact of the matter was that the kind of specialties that a surgeon got money for, precognition over, awards from was different than those. The number of general surgeons that won Harper Avery awards in comparison to cardio surgeons who did was 10 to 1. And Shane knew it was prideful, and he knew Big Mama Ross would pull him by the ears and tell him so, but he'd always wanted to be known. To have the perfect score sheet. Valedictorian three times over. Harper Avery award winner. He wanted that.

To Shane it felt like loosing anytime in neuro was a threat to that and he kind of wanted to kick himself for getting blindsided by the least expected competition he could imagine. Heather Brooks. And her weird comments. Freakish coordination ability. And her stupid stupid haircut.

Still fuming, Shane made his way to the nearby bar, and rapped his fist against the smooth hard surface. Joe was busy, but he was too agitated to be polite.

Pounding the table bar harder he demanded, "Come on! Hurry up."

Joe, regarded him with an icy glare, briefly looking up from the 6 drinks he was already mixing. The reproach in the gaze was enough to make some of Shane's ire wilt, and he hung his head. He was supposed to have manners.

"Jesus, Ross," Dr. Karev said from around the corner of the bar after taking a long drink from his glass. "Joe doesn't even respond to us and we've known him for 6 freakin' years. Beating the hell out of his bar isn't gonna help you."

At Karev's side, Jackson Avery snickered. Shane's anger flared up once more and he snapped, "I know!"

The two attendings exchanged a glance with each other and seemed to be fighting back laughter. Shane took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Neither man was his favorite person, because of their various connections to the people who Shane had once considered his best friends here. He supposed they were still his best friends, in a way, but sadly the primary reason he hadn't seen as much of Jo and particularly Steph lately was because of their relationships (romantic and otherwise) with the men next to him.

"Leave me alone," Shane mumbled.

Alex chuckled again, clearly more than one drink in for the evening, because Shane was pretty sure that otherwise the attending wouldn't be speaking with him at all.

"What's got you all butt hurt, dude? You're living the life...intern year. Someday you'll look back at your glory days."

"You call scut duty and 48 hour shifts changing bed pans your glory days, Karev?" Jackson countered, also apparently a few drinks into his evening at the bar.

"Well, maybe not professionally, " Alex boasted. "But chickwise, my intern year I was in my prime."

"Man," Avery added sarcastically. "So, your intern year was pretty short, huh, Karev? I'm guessing 2, maybe 3 weeks?"

"Shut up!" Dr. Karev laughed, returning his attention to Shane as he tried to slink away. "Hold on. Maybe Dopey here's got chick problems..."

Shane froze and swallowed uncomfortably. He didn't really think that either surgical fellow actually gave a damn about what he was actually feeling. They were either bored or drunk or unwilling to think about their own crap. He knew that they'd had issues. In the few moments Shane did get to hang out with his two roommates, the daily behavior patterns of both Alex Karev and Jackson Avery were hot topics of conversation.

Ever since Jo had started dating, 'Chest Peckwell' (whose real name was Jason Myers, and if Wilson was really dating him, Shane didn't get why didn't she just call him that when they talked), she'd complained that Dr. Karev was harder on her, and awkward about things. he was always knocking on doors and interrupting...moments. Shane held his tongue and refrained from pointing out that it was well within any attending's prerogative to do just that, since after all, they were professionals working in a hospital, a place where things like that shouldn't be happening at all.

And where Jo was busy complaining about how often her on call room rendez-vous were getting interrupted, Stephanie was whining about how she hardly had the chance to see Avery at all since his recent elevation (Shane didn't think you could call it a promotion) to chairman of the hospital board. Shane was pretty jazzed about the lack of action Steph was getting. It weirded him out to see the two slinking out of on calls rooms after romps. Plus, as far as Shane was concerned, it was doubly inappropriate for someone of Avery's stature and position in the hospital to be carrying on with an intern. It made them both look bad. Not that Stephanie saw it that way...

Plus, of course, there was the whole added layer of Kepner. Shane's mentor. Someone who he knew to be a big part of Jackson Avery's life, even if the man didn't seem to have all his feelings for her sorted. Shane was certain they loved each other and just simply didn't know that the other person felt the same way. Which was dumb and ridiculous because really something that simple ought to be solvable with a single conversation if one of them would just figure it out and get the courage to say what they wanted.

Then again, from what Shane himself had observed and heard through the grapevine, things between his mentor and her former best friends had been getting a little better. The strain and the distance in their friendship was visibly still there, but somehow, it seemed to be less acute. They were friendly again. Supportive even. Which was good, because Shane figured his mentor needed all the friendly support she could get.

All her patients seemed to be dying lately.

Perhaps is was a sting of bad luck or something, but Shane knew it was true. Two more since her ALS friend. And from what he'd heard today, the latest one had left a grieving husband and newborn behind. Shane knew that even the hardest of hardcore surgeons would have a difficult time staying detached in a situation like that, and April was not that closed off. She cared deeply for everyone she treated. Maybe too deeply.

"I'm not having girl problems," Shane said, knowing the man didn't really care about his problems.

Chugging down more of his beer, Alex snorted, "Look at you. You might not know it, but you've got 'em."

"No!" Shane snapped indignantly. "I just...Shepherd's going to start rotating his intern service now and I really think it's a bad call. I mean, he's using Brooks tomorrow on a case that I have worked on and prepped for for weeks...she doesn't even specialize in neuro. All she can do is catch stuff."

Avery chuckled and Karev guffawed, "Big whoop! This is residency, it's cut throat; deal with it. You're a freaking intern. It's not like any of you have a god damn specialty!"

Shane rolled his eyes, "I know it's cut throat."

As hard as he'd fought to get this position? Hell yes, he knew things were cut throat. And whatever people officially said about waiting to declare a specialty, Shane knew that most interns had areas in their mind where they wanted to go. That's just the way things were. Dr. Kepner had often told him that most interns don't end up working in the field they think they will. She herself had started with an interest in neuro. And, while he saw his mentor's point, Shane still wanted his dream of being a neurology surgeon to come true.

"The reason any of this crap probably bothers you so much is because you dig her," Karev continued. Jackson only swallowed and stared off ahead from the bar, his mind clearly elsewhere.

"I do not-" Shane stopped short.

He didn't. Right? He wasn't even thinking about stuff like that right now, and even if he was, Shane thought he liked Steph. He did. But he supposed he could say that Heather was kind of cute, hair and all, and he certainly admired her personality and attitude (when he wasn't feeling angry or threatened)...what if he did like her a bit?

Her and Stephanie? Could he like them both? Oh, god. This was exactly the reason why Shane stayed away from romance in the hospital and during this early part of his career. April, his own mentor, had gotten caught up in a whirlwind of something and sex at a critical moment in her career. And it contributed to her failing her boards. Shane still had intern exams, rotations, and countless other things ahead of him. He couldn't risk failing by exploring the feelings for either Heather or Stephanie, no matter how he felt.

"No shame in it," Dr. Karev smirked. "Brooks is a cool enough chick. You could do worse."

Shane wrinkled nose knowing exactly how Alex had come by his knowledge of Heather's personality. He didn't want to let one his thoughts, so his shrugged and shook his head, casting around for a way to explain his logic and motivation.

Finally he mumbled,"I know we don't have specialties yet. But in the end we will all get to pick on. And I just know neuro is what I want. It's what I have always wanted."

"You can't always get what you want," Avery cut in, voice faltering slightly as he lifted his drink to his lips and returning from his drifting thoughts.

Karev pursed his lips, "Ain't that the truth."

Jackson frowned, and swallowed another drink before slamming his now empty glass on the bar and standing up. He turned to Shane and shrugged, "Sometimes what you think you want isn't really what you want at all. And even when you figure that out, there is still no guarantee that you can have it."

Shane looked away, getting the distinct impression that Dr. Avery wasn't talking about his passionate interest in neuro surgery. Maybe, just maybe, Jackson had finally pulled his head out of the sand and woken up to what was glaringly obvious to the rest of the staff at Grey Sloan Memorial. That he and April Kepner, no matter how unlikely or unsuited, loved each other deeply. Alex sniffed and watched as the plastic surgeon moved away from them, slipping through the dark bar doorway. Eyeing Dr. Karev closely, Shane also sensed that he was not alone in realizing the potential direction of the plastic surgeon's thoughts.

Desperately curious to worm out just what Alex knew, Shane fumbled, "He's...in a mood."

"None of your freakin' business. Or mine."

"But-"

Karev shrugged and shook his head, signalling for another drink, "Leave it alone, dude. Just get a freaking drink."

Slumping, Shane realized that Alex probably was nowhere near drunk enough or gossipy enough to tell him anything about the thus far ill fated and tumultuous relationship of Jackson Avery and April Kepner. It was also painfully clear from the tone of the older man's voice that his patience and bored interest in Shane was wearing thin. He supposed he should be glad the peds fellow was continuing to allow him to sit nearby.

So, Shane swallowed and asked Joe for a strawberry daiquiri.

"Seriously?" Alex scowled. "Get a freakin' IPA. That's what this place is known for. Not chick drinks."

He set his shoulders and lifted his chin defiantly, "I like it."

"Whatever."

That was the last word Karev spoke to Shane. The night was a total bust.


	11. Chapter 11

Shane scowled and hung his head as he walked quickly down the hall away from Brooks (Grey Sloan's resident traitor) and Dr. Shepherd (the resident dream crusher). He had to get out of there. Pit be damned. There were capable nurses around, and more experienced attendings on call. It was a quiet enough night in the ER. He couldn't stay.

Rounding a corner, Shane clenched his fists, trying hard to control his anger. It just wasn't fair! He'd been cultivating and working on his relationship with Derek Shephard for weeks. He'd been studying and practicing neuro procedures and sutures for months before that. He had been aiming for his trajectory, a career as a neurological surgeon, for years.

Years.

And what? Brooks comes in to assist on a couple of procedures, catches a few random things and she's suddenly some prodigy? Shepherd didn't even like Heather. She got on his nerves. It just didn't make sense to Shane. He couldn't understand it.

He tried so hard. All the time. He always had. This just didn't seem fair.

Shane sniffed, blinking back tears. Damn it. He was supposed to be angry. He wanted to be angry. He wasn't supposed to cry.

That didn't stop a few hot wet tears from escapeing the corners of his eyes. Fortunately, Shane had almost arrives at his destination. He flung open the door to the stairwell and began to climb. Just a few more flights. Just a few more flights and he would be on the roof. Alone with no one to hear him. That mantra kept his legs moving as he continued heading towards the roof. He focused on it to the exclusion of all else. He didn't notice the world around him.

Shane breezed past a landing and rounded the corner to ascend the last flight of stairs, when he heard a voice.

"Dr. Ross?" It was April Kepner, his mentor, friend, and he supposed he could now say fellow 'dud' (not that either of themselves would really choose to be identified in that way). Shane paused and hung his head, staring wearily at where the red headed surgeon was seated on the stairs, a few steps above. April's shoulders were slumped, and it was clear that to Shane that his teacher probably didn't feel much better than he did.

Her brow furrowed in concern, "Shane? Are you okay?"

"I-" Shane sniffed and took a deep breath, quickly wiping his cheeks, trying to pull himself together a bit. He didn't need the one person in this hospital who it felt like still believed him to lose her faith in him. "I'll be okay."

He tried to brush past her and continue making his way outside, but her fingers clasped around his wrist and brought his steps to a halt.

"Obviously, you're not," April replied, pulling him to sit down beside her. "Now cut the stiff upper lip and tell me what's going on? Did you lose a patient?"

Feeling a rush of embarrassment, Shane's sigh was more like half of a sob. As terrible as it was, he almost would have preferred it if he had lost a patient. This was almost too much to bear. Being told that the passion you had for what you wanted to do in life was almost too much to handle.

He was more than a dud. More than Shane was a failure. The one consistent dream he'd had in his life was something he apparently couldn't do. He didn't have the instinct. He didn't shine. A comforting hand began gently rubbing Shane's back. It was almost enough to set him off again.

"You can tell me," April persisted sympathetically.

Shane lifted his gaze to hers and finally said, "Dr. Shepherd said...He's going to work with Brooks from now on...because...she...she's worth teaching...and I'm-I work hard, but I guess I'm not as good at neuro as her. He's not going to have me on his service." He laughed bitterly, "I'm supposed to find some other specialty where I shine."

April winced, "Oh."

He shook his head, "I've worked with him for weeks. I helped on his hand surgery...and a huge part of the reason I even picked this program, this hospital, this city, was because I wanted to make sure I had the change to learn from Dr. Shepherd. To learn from him. He's the best. And he tells me I don't have enough instinct to be worth teaching..."

"He said that?"

"Essentially."

Shane just didn't get it. How could hard work not be good enough? Surely, there were people in the world, both inside the medical field and out, who didn't have a 'gift' or some immeasurable indescribable 'it' factor, who did great things. Passion and dedication should get you somewhere. It should get you to where you wanted to be.

April carefully took his words in, pursing her lips. "Wow...that's...I mean, you are only an intern. In the grand scheme of things this isn't so bad. It's not like any of you can declare a specialty yet. Maybe things will be different next rotation?"

"Yeah, but Shepherd doesn't think I'll be good in neuro in the end. Even if we rotate. No matter how much I work, he doesn't think its for me. I work so hard," He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and shook his head. "And it really blows."

"I'm sorry, Ross."

Shane sat up straighter, feeling a little better now that some of his feelings were off his chest. "No, I'm sorry to dump all this on you...I shouldn't have..."

Dr. Kepner shook her head, "It's okay, Shane. You're allowed."

"Thanks."

They sat in silence for a moment, and he rubbed his hand together, as Dr. Kepner held hers in her lap and fidgeted with her own fingers nervously. Though he was still wrapped up in all his own problems and frustration, Shane couldn't help but wonder what brought his mentor here in the first place. Or why her normally cheerful demeanor was anything but carefree. She obviously had other issues on her mind. Issues all her own.

"I used to do neuro," April said finally. Shane turned his head, listening intently.

"For a lot of my residency, actually. I did neuro. I didn't really even consider doing anything else until like, my fourth year. And I wasn't bad at it. I worked hard. I wasn't bad, but I wasn't great either."

"Did Dr. Shepherd say the same thing to you as he did to me?" Shane asked hopefully.

Dr. Kepner hesitated, "No...but I think he would have. In the end. If I'd stayed in the specialty longer. If Dr. Hunt hadn't done-"

"That skills lab you told me about? In the rain?"

Shane knew the story. Over their coffees, April had told Shane a couple of times about how she'd ended up picking her specialty. A hands on trauma training with dummies, competition, and a hijacked ambulance. April's team had been the last residents standing.

The corner of April's mouth twitched and a trace of pride slipped into her expression, "Yes."

"Shepherd didn't kick you out then," Shane huffed. "I didn't have some fantastic light bulb moment after a skills lab. He just doesn't want to teach me. It's not the same."

"No," his mentor conceded. "But see...my point is: I liked the idea of neuro. But was it really for me? Now, I don't think it was."

Squinting and giving Dr. Kepner the once over, he tried to imagine her doing another specialty. He'd seen her in action for a number of emergencies, and honestly the association was hard to break. Even way back on lump and bump day, it had been clear that was not where Kepner was meant to be.

April continued, struggling to find the right words, "Just because you like the idea of something doesn't mean it's right for you, I suppose. I don't know. I don't have any answers for you."

"Thanks anyway."

Shane hung his head and sighed. Her experience both did and did not make him feel better. Yes, his mentor had a little experience with shifting gears and moving from neuro to something else, but at least she'd had another clear option ahead of her. Shane just felt lost. Not that there was much he could do about it right now.

He turned his head and considered his mentor once again, "So what brings you here, anyway?"

"Nothing," Dr. Kepner replied, just a little to quickly.

"Come on," Shane prodded smugly. "No one goes up here using the stairs unless they are looking to cry..."

She laughed nervously, and went back to playing with her hands, "It's nothing...just personal stuff."

'Personal stuff'. A phrase that veiled so very much. Shane had seen it all, over the past weeks and months, and he realized that he definitely knew more about April Kepner's personal stuff than she thought he did. And his night ehad been lousy enough already that he didn't care to reign in his decorum for once. He had nothing to lose.

"Are you ever going to tell Dr. Avery?" Shane asked bluntly.

"Tell Dr. Avery what?"

Shane held her gaze for a long moment. She knew what. Shane figured it was so obvious to himself and everyone else at the hospital that April had to know. She loved Jackson.

"How you feel. How much you feel."

"I-I don't-" Kepner stammered, obviously surprised and bewildered by her student's unexpected line of questioning. She couldn't fully deny it.

Finally after fumbling around for her words April continued, "I don't know how I feel. I mean, I know I...do, have feeling for him. A lot of feelings for him. But...it wouldn't matter anyway, because he doesn't feel...I mean, he broke up with me and then...and now he has Dr. Edwards and...it just wouldn't work."

"Would you tell him?" Shane continued to press, glad that he'd stuck enough of a nerve that she was still talking to him. In some strange way he felt even a little better knowing that he wasn't alone in feeling confused. It was like a solidarity thing. He was confsed, and so was his mentor. "Would you tell Dr. Avery how you felt if you didn't have Mr. Paramedic?"

April's expression fell slightly and she mumbled, "I'm not sure I do."

"What?"

"I am not sure I do have Matthew," she said, waving a hand at his confused expression. "Long story. But, the point is, with Jack-with...with Jackson, even when we were...we didn't work. I am never going to be the kind of woman Jackson wants a relationship with. I'm too neurtic. I don't think I can do casual. I'm-I don't know. Not good enough. For anyone."

Shane's frown deepened, and he felt a surge of protectiveness, "Don't say that..."

It wasn't true. None of it. For starters, he knew for a fact that Jackson Avery was not at all committed to Stephanie, no matter how much his roommate seemed to want him to be. The man clearly still had only April on his mind. Based on what Shane had heard Avery say in the bar the previous week, he was also well aware of the fact that Avery still felt a draw to his old best friend. He wanted her, and he knew it now. The man's eyes gave it all away. He loved her as much as she loved him.

And even if that weren't true, Shane knew his mentor to be more than good enough. She was a good person, who cared a lot, and was worth a whole lot more than she gave herself for, both personally and professionally. She was one of those women a guy should want to take home to meet his mother. The kind you'd want by your side. She just didn't see it. All she saw was the worst in herself and that's what she believed was true.

April Kepner didn't seem to know the power of her own thoughts.

Then again, Shane supposed, considering his own situation, neither did he. He chuckled to himself, remembering how their friendship began. His gross misestimation of her intentions toward him at Dr. Bailey's wedding. Too bad they really weren't attracted to each other. Then at least they'd have each other, instead of pining away for someone else.

Stephanie and Jackson still felt just out of reach. Just like Shane's dream of neuro surgery.

"I lied. I lied because I was afraid he wouldn't be okay with me not being a virgin...and he's like the one guy in this city whose ever liked me. He actually likes me and he goes to church and he is waiting for marriage. I was afraid the truth would mess everything up." April sighed, "And it did."

Shane scowled, "Did Matthew break up with you?"

"I don't know. He wouldn't see me before he was discharged. He won't take my calls."

Breaking up over virginity, or even a lie about virginity seemed like an incredibly stupid thing to Shane. It seemed so trivial. And it wasn't like one of those lies that were catastrophic or hidden out of malice. It wasn't an "oh, I'm actually cheating on you" or "I wasted our entire savings gambling" or "I am a serial killer on the run" kind of lies. It was a lie told out of fear and shame. If you really liked someone, wouldn't you be more interested in understanding why a person would be so afraid to tell you their truth, and not about the fact that the lie happened? Shane didn't really get it. But then again, maybe he was a little bit biased, since he seemed to know more of the story of San Francisco boards, and Jackson Avery than Matt the paramedic.

"I guess there are two kinds of people Shane," April said, looking at her hands dejectedly. "The kind other people want and the kind they don't want. It doesn't matter what you do or how hard you try. If they don't want you, they don't want you."

"Sucks to be us," Shane sighed.

"Yeah."

Looking straight ahead at the bare cement wall of the stairwell in front of them, Shane started to think. Why did they have to wallow? So, both he and his mentor had problems? Would a pity party really help? What they needed was a different perspective.

"You know what?" Shane turned to faee April. "That's terrible advice."

Dr. Kepner chuckled, "Well, it's all I've got right now."

Shane scrunched his nose and thought hard, imagining what the most influential woman in his life would say (and no doubt would say when she heard all of this) if she could see the two of them huddled in the stairwell.

"Big Mama Ross would say we both need a swift kick in the butt to make us see past our own noses."

"Big Mama Ross?" April inquired blinking rapidly.

He grinned, "My grandmother. She's not one to mince words."

"Ah," April laughed, genuinely smiling. And what would she want us to see?"

"That there are bigger things going on in the world."

She nodded, "There are. Much bigger things. Like wars."

"Yes!" Shane nodded. "But we...even if no one wants us. Right now. It's right now that they don't. This...is just a setback. It's still a part of our path."

"And we know that path is leading somewhere good?"

"You made here all the way from a farm and I made it out of the projects for a reason. All of this is happening for a reason. We just can see it yet. That's what Big Mama would say."

Lifting her eyes to the wall in front of them, April thought hard about what he was saying. Shane knew his grand mother would tell them to suck it up, and swallow the pride that made them feel bad. Because, no matter what, the positions both he and Dr. Kepner had in the grand scheme of things were privileged ones. They just had to remember how lucky they were.

"Did you become a doctor to be in neuro or did you become one to help people?" April asked suddenly.

Shane tilted his head. The two went hand in hand, but if he was really honest, helping people mattered more.

"Helping, I guess. I just always thought I would be helping by fixing brains..."

Kepner nodded, "I can get you a few rotations with Shadow Shepherd. He and I have an okay working relationship, and he's always looking for a protege. Everyone wants Dr. Shepherd instead you see, but Dr. Nelson is a very decent neuro surgeon and then at least you can still get some practice. But working with him isn't going to solve your problem. Neuro might not work out for you. I also think you should try to rotate around okay? And be open to it. Just because you think you still want neuro doesn't mean you'll end up there."

"Okay..." Shane answered sheepishly. He didn't like it, and he still felt pretty bad about what had happened with Dr. Shepherd, but he vowed to try to employ a new attitude from now one. He'd have to shift his outlook, even if he didn't really want to.

"Really explore," Kepner held up one finger. "I mean it. That's what intern year is all about."

They both slowly rose to their feet and she continued, "Aren't you supposed to be in the pit?"

"Yeah."

"Come on then," April said, taking the steps downward. "I'll help you out. We'll do it together. I'll show you this neat blood transfusion trick I taught the Syrian doctors..."

Shane moved to follow her down, grateful that he didn't have to run the ER alone in his current state, "Thank you."

"Not a problem," April grinned, despite everything. "You're always calling me your mentor, so, I might as well get some 'mentoring' in, right?"

"Right," Shane laughed, before his expression turned serious. "Don't sell yourself short, Dr. Kepner. and don't discount Dr. Avery either. You are better than you think. And he might surprise you."

The look on April's face told Shane that she probably didn't quite believe him. They continued walking side by side down the stairs. Shane thought that it was okay. If she didn't quite believe yet. Her face also said that she didn't fully disbelieve him either. For the first time in a long time, in all the time Shane had been covertly observing his intern, it looked like some progress was happening. April was getting there. Almost. And so Shane had sowed some seeds. The rest would be up to Avery to sort out. And April.

Shane hoped that they did.


	12. Chapter 12

Shane was updating his patient files in the ER, for the third night of the week. Since his abrupt and painful dismissal from Dr. Shepherd's services, and in part because freaking Heather Brooks had spread it around the hospital that he 'couldn't take a hint', other attendings seemed to be giving him the pretty cold shoulder too. That new reputation, combined with the board doctors and Dr. Bailey getting all caught up and busy with this whole CDC infection thing meant that he'd spent a lot of time in the pit on Hunt's and Kepner's services.

Even though he'd never have admitted it before, Shane could now say that he didn't find the rush and uncertainty of Emergency Room shifts to be that bad. It was certainly never boring. He just didn't know whether or not he had the aptitude for it. He jumped, pulled swiftly from this thoughts when an fuming Jo Wilson slammed her tablet on the nurses station in front of Shane.

"What an asshole! The nerve of him!" the brunette doctor practically growled banging the electronic on the counter top once again for emphasis.

Shane scowled in confusion and commented, "You know we don't get those for free if you break one..."

"Oh whatever," Jo rolled her eyes, continuing on her rant. "How the hell did he think that was okay?"

Sighing, Shane rested his elbow on the table and held his head up with his hand. "Who are you talking about?"

Like he even needed to ask. He felt like he hardly saw his roommate at all these days, and on the occasions he did, Jo was talking about one of two people. 'Chest Peckwell' or Alex Karev. More often than not, Wilson talked about Alex Karev, though Shane wasn't sure if Jo noticed that.

Sure enough, her exasperated reply confirmed Shane's suspicions, "Dr. Karev!"

"Why are you mad at him this time?" Shane rolled his eyes.

Jo didn't seem to notice the lack of enthusiasm he mustered toward her whole arrival and pressed on angrily, "He's such an asshole! First, he acts like a jerk and has the nerve to tell me I shouldn't move in with Jason-"

"What? You're moving in with Chest Peckwell?" This was news to Shane. Then again, she wasn't home much these days, and was probably already basically living with the guy.

"Then he has the gall to talk to Jason behind my back! Telling him all this personal stuff I didn't want him to know," Jo continued, ignoring Shane's question and crossing her arms. "He's such a jerk."

"Dr. Karev knows personal stuff about you that your boyfriend doesn't know?"

Shane didn't really think that made much sense. But then again, maybe that was due to a difference in his approach to relationships than more of the interns in his class. He believed dating was a way to get to know someone better. The whole point was to learn 'personal' stuff.

Wilson huffed angrily and tilted her head as she fumbled her answer, "Yeah, he's...he's my attending. And I didn't give him my permission to spread my business all around."

"'All around' as in to the person you are apparently going to live with soon?" Shane asked skeptically. "Besides, I thought you wanted Karev and Peckwell to get along. What's the big secret anyway? It can't possibly be that bad."

Shane realized that he didn't really know that much about is soon to be former roommate. It wasn't just that Jo didn't hang out with him or at home as much as she had earlier that year. It was how she hung out. Looking back he realized that a lot of the time Jo would steer conversations away from herself and on to to others. She'd turn the focus to Stephanie or Shane, (and if he was honest with himself, he noted that their personalities were kind of suited to being the center of attention anyway), or she'd talk about medicine, or gossip. Jo was very adept in cultivating her image. People only knew what she wanted them to know about her past. All the more interesting to Shane then, because the fact was she'd revealed something pretty deep to Dr. Karev and no one else.

"It's not-" Jo shook her head. "It's not like...just, it's the principle of the thing."

Her eyes drifted to the next nearest nursing station just as Dr. Kepner arrived and started typing commands on her tablet. Jo gestured to Shane's mentor, "Your attending is supposed to have your back you know? And not spill your private business to everyone. Don't tell me you wouldn't get mad if Dr. Kepner told everyone you went to college on a scholarship."

Shane shook his head. He wouldn't be. "Anyone who looks at my academic record would know that."

Wilson's jaw tightened in a challenge, "Or if she told people you grew up in the South Central LA? In the projects?"

"It's the truth. I don't try to hide it," Shane shrugged.

It was a painful truth, but it was his truth nonetheless. It was a part of his past that made Shane the person he was, and he didn't care that other people knew about it. Heck, being revolutionary compared to Jo, he actually talked about it a lot to people.

Sighing dramatically, Jo rolled her eyes, "You just don't understand. It's...well, needless to say, I won't be talking to Karev again. At least if I can help it. Professional stuff only."

"I-" Shane opened his mouth to reply, because he thought that Jo's resolve to be angry at Karev for talking about something she told him about, was a little over the top, but he was distracted by the fact that Jackson was rapidly approaching April. It was the first time Shane had seen them interact all week, and it looked rather intense. The plastic surgeon leaned down on the nurses station looking Kepner in the eye. Unfortunately, from the angle of Shane's vantage point, his mentor's head blocked his ability to get a good read on Jackson's face. He leaned forward, trying to watch.

Jo scoffed indignantly at Shane's obvious distraction from her complaining, "Really?"

"Does Dr. Avery look mad to you?"

"He looks like he can pull of a man bag," she replied sarcastically.

"Oh, oh, oh!" Shane gasped as he watched Dr. Avery leave the hospital, just as another, very tall and rather goofy man approached Dr. Kepner. "Mr. Paramedic is back!"

Now, Shane wished he could see the expression on his mentor's face. He'd thought that Matt and April were over. She admitted to him that her lie about her 'v' status had really pissed her boyfriend off, and that it had caused a true rift between them. Now, however, it looked like at least some of that was changing, because now Kepner was allowing the guy to pull her into a tight embrace. What Shane wouldn't give to hear the conversation going on between them right now.

If they were getting back together, Shane thought he might scream. For both selfish and less personal reasons, he thought that his friend would probably be better off if she could sort out whatever the hell it was she had going on with her ex-best friend/lover. He thought that maybe April would be happier if, at the very least, she moved past all the fear and the doubts and the guilt. He thought she'd feel better if she just told Jackson the truth. And then on some level it wouldn't even matter if Avery loved her back (although Shane knew that the other man probably did). Either way it would be a victory for his mentor to go there and embrace her emotions.

At best, she'd have revealed her feelings to a man who cared for her just as much and they got back together or worked towards that or something more. At worst, she'd tell Jackson and he'd say he didn't feel the same way. The important part would be that the awkwardness and the confusion and the not knowing would be over, and April would have had the courage to actually be vulnerable and put her heart on the line.

Shane was getting to know his mentor well, and he could totally understand, and empathize with his mentors tendencies. He'd had similar enough experiences. April was pushing all her feelings down as a way of protecting herself. In order to escape pain and possible ridicule. Because she didn't think very highly of herself, and a lot of the time people around her confirmed that low confidence, as far as Shane could see. She wanted to avoid risk.

Matthew the goofy paramedic wasn't terribly complex. Neither, as far as Shane could understand, were April's feelings toward him. They were nothing like the feelings she seemed to have for Jackson. Deep down he suspected that April new that simple and complex love might be the difference between a fling and the love of your life. That had to be scary.

It was like with his grandmother back home. South Central was no picnic and no one in the family really liked for elderly Big Mama Ross to go out on her own. They encouraged her to stay inside, safe from the stray bullets, muggings, and drug deals of the neighborhood outside. Everyone pitched in, buying her food for her, doing her hair for her, and all of that. On paper, it was everything she needed. Playing it safe was easy to do.

But eventually Big Mama had had enough. She wanted to go to the park, and the hair dressers. She wanted to get her own groceries. She'd wanted to fully live. Even if actually living was a dangerous thing. Not that the old woman was reckless. She kept her head down, frequented safe places and made her trips during the day.

But at least she went outside. Thus far, it had served her well enough.

"Boy," his grandmother had told Shane once after returning from the store. "You can't win, if you don't play the game."

Matthew was walking out of the hospital now too, ironically taking virtually the same path Jackson had moments previous. Shane watched as the other man offered April an awkward wave before the sliding doors of the ER closed behind him.

"Is this your thing now?" Jo demanded with concern. "Spying on attendings? Everyone says you're stalking Shepherd. Don't tell me you are starting to creep on Kepner too? You need to get your own life, man. It's really pathetic."

Shane turned to glare at his friend, "You stop talking to Karev the moment he finally bonds with your idiot boyfriend, and I am pathetic? If you want to have secrets, you have to keep them yourself. No one else will."

Turning on his heel, Shane left a shocked Jo in his wake and made his way to April's side. She looked incredibly bewildered and confused.

"Oh...hello Ross," she said softly.

"Hi," he grinned, offering her his tablet for inspection. "I finished updating these."

"Um...good," Kepner said, though her eyes barely even glanced at the screen. "That's good."

"Busy night for you, huh?" Shane commented casually, leaning on the nurses station, mirroring Avery's earlier stance.

The position was not lost on his mentor. April's eyes flicked to his nervously, "I know what you are really asking."

Shane grinned, "I'm just curious. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

She straightened her shoulders, "I don't have to tell you anything."

His smile grew, "You don't have to. But I think you are going to."

"Matthew and I got back together."

"You don't seem very happy about it."

"I..." April couldn't deny it. "I'm just surprised. He wants a do over...so..."

Fed up from his conversation with Jo, the loss of neuro, and from observing this slow motion crash that was his menotr's love life, Shane felt bold. He didn't think April loved Matt.

"Just because he wants a do over doesn't mean you have to give him one."

Kepner's eyes sharpened at Shane's words, "He's giving me one. He understands that I lied because I was scared."

"Did you say anything to Jackson? He was here before Mr. Paramedic."

"Yes. No," April sighed, still confused and flustered enough to allow Shane to continue his questioning. "I-I said something I didn't mean and he called me on it and...he said...he said he didn't regret sleeping with me..."

"You thought he did?"

"Why...why else would be break up with me?"

Shane didn't have any answers to that. He had absolutely no idea why Jackson Avery behaved the way he did. He had no idea why the man could seem so together and professional on one hand, yet sleep with his intern the next. He didn't understand why the man seemed so protective of April some of the time, but willing to crush her heart at other times. Shane didn't understand Jackson Avery. But April might.

"Why didn't you say something to him?" he demanded.

Dr. Kepner broke eye contact and bit her lip, staring at the counter in front of them, "That's none of your business, Ross."

"You're afraid, aren't you?"

"Ross-"

"You're terrified to tell him how you really feel. You're too terrified to even tell yourself how you really feel. That's the real problem."

Inhaling shakily, Dr. Kepner glared. The look in her eyes told Shane that he'd hit a nerve. Her gaze was full. Full of anger, frustration, sadness, and yes, fear. It was so full that Shane took a step back, realizing that he actually might have pushed her to too far.

Gathering her belongings, April stepped back, storming away from the nurses station, "We're done here."

Damn it. Shane realized he shouldn't have kept going. He'd never really made April this mad before. She'd been irritated with him on bump and pump day, but looking back, he could now understand that the tension that day had likely had nothing to do with him. But this time, he had a feeling that April was actually pissed at him. And for what? Sure, he'd crossed a professional line, but Shane felt that it was important for his mentor to confront her own fears. She'd helped him so much in learning to let go of his fears and see a surgical future in specialties outside of neuro, Shane wanted to repay the favor as much as he could. And all he could see to do, was to act as a voice of reason.

Not that it was appreciated. April was probably going to be pissed for a while. Even so, Shane had enough confidence in both their friendship and professional relationship to believe that their relationship would survive. Kepner was nothing but fair to him. Stealing a glass back across the room to where Wilson still stood, Shane was rewarded with yet another anger filled gaze. His roommate was probably gong to be mad at him for a while too. And he didn't feel as secure with her friendship.

And all because he'd called them on their bull. Thinking of Jo and April, Shane shook his head. Why was everyone so damned afraid of being who they were?


	13. Chapter 13

Shane was tired of working on patient files.

He knew preparing for the storm was important, but Bailey had stuck him on filing duty all day long. She'd stepped away for the moment and the work was that much more dull. It was so tedious and monotonous that Shane literally felt like he was losing his mind. And with it, his career in the medical field. He'd missed so many opportunities for surgery today, he could hardly stand it. He felt like he'd been blacklisted. He felt like he was getting rusty.

Freaking Heather got to open a skull, again. Leah told him there'd been a patient impaled on rebar in just a matter of hours ago, while she'd been on Dr. Kepner's though other attendings seemed less enthusiastic about teaching Shane since his awkward cessation of lessons from Dr. Shepherd, he should have been a shoe in to work on cool cases with his mentor. If nothing else, April would teach him.

Ever since he'd told her he was happy to learn on lump and bump day, she always had taken time to teach him.

But now Dr. Kepner had been mad at him for days. Ever since Shane had pushed her just a little too far in talking about her true feelings for the men in her life. Jackson Avery and Matthew Taylor. Despite his frustrations, it had been clear to Shane in the moment it happened that he'd gone too far. He'd never known April Kepner to be an angry sort of person, or one to hold a grudge, but he knew he'd been just a little too accurate in his assertions and just a little too familiar and unprofessional in his delivery.

Kepner had been rightfully pissed, and stayed pissed over the past week. And Shane felt the burn. He missed surgeries. He missed having an attending who had his back. Most of all, he missed her.

Over the course of his internship he'd found he enjoyed his mentor's friendship very much. Maybe relied upon it even. And that just made the whole situation sting even worse. Though Shane knew what he'd said to Dr. Kepner was right, she was afraid to admit to Avery and even herself her real feelings, he sort of wished he'd never said anything.

Leaning forward as a crowd of nurses, doctors, and paramedics filtered in from the gray weather outside. He realized he had been so wrapped up in his work that he'd missed the apparent exodus. Catching sight of his friends, Shane signaled Murphy and Edwards.

"Hey guys!" he asked curiously. "What's going on?"

Both Stephanie and Leah were walking along next to a paramedic, Sam or Scott or something, hunched over his cell phone with a matching pair of dreamy expressions. The group paused by Shane.

"Oh Shane, you missed it!" Stephanie laughed, pausing to lean against the his nurses station. "It was so romantic."

Shane blinked in confusion, "Missed what?"

"Dr. Kepner's boyfriend..." Leah gushed, faltering momentarily, snapping her fingers and flapping her hand in an effort to jog her memory. "That one guy, the giant. Uh...um..."

"Matthew," the paramedic supplied happily.

Leah nodded, "Yeah, Matthew. He proposed!"

'Scott' grinned, holding up his cell phone, "I've got it all on video."

"He what?" Shane's eyes widened. He'd had no idea that things had gotten so serious between his mentor and her paramedic. Sure they'd been nominally dating for about 6 months, but it had not all been smooth sailing. Last he'd seen they'd been basically broken up over Kepner lying about her virginity status.

"He proposed," Stephanie beamed. "In a flashmob! Jazz hands, heart shaped confetti, and all. To that one song..."

"Just tacky enough that it worked," Leah added.

Shane watched in horror as the three of them stuck bad 80s dance poses and started strutting around singing together, "When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be da man that's waking up next to you!"

He almost had to step back because Steph punctuated that last word with a delicate finger pointed directly at him. Shane gulped. He knew it didn't mean anything. Stephanie was still screwing Avery, after an apparent reconciliation that made Shane want to gag. The attending was treating her like crap. Shane knew that if he had Stephanie's (or anyone's) affection and attention, he'd never go so much as a day without calling her.

The trio of medical personal in front of him pivoted on their feet and spun around, still singing, "And I would walk 500 miles! And I would walk 500 more! Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door-"

Shane had to chuckle a little bit as 'Scott' the paramedic offered his phone over, and played the video of Matt's proposal.

It was cheesy, but there was no denying it was epic. No denying that the man wiggling his hips in the center of it all, really did adore April Kepner with everything that he had. And for her part, Shane had to smile at the shocked and happy expression on her face. He watched carefully as the video continued to Kepner saying yes. He'd never heard her laugh like that.

Even with a wistful looking Jackson off to one side nearly hidden by the crowd, April still enjoyed the moment.

Whatever had gone down between Dr. Avery and Dr. Kepner, Shane could tell that they'd responded differently in their next relationships. With Steph, as far as Shane could tell, Jackson was all about sex; on his terms, and for his needs. No real feelings involved on his side, no matter how much his roommate might wish them there. It was another thing that frustrated him about Avery. The guy was so hard to understand. He was jerking around Shane's friend.

But April cared about her boyfriend, turned fiance. She might not love him, but she genuinely seemed to be making a go of things will Matt.

A loud clap interrupted the small viewing party, as Shane looked up to see Dr. Bailey swiftly approaching the nurses station, "Do we or do we not have a huge storm coming in to get ready for? What are you all standing around for? Disperse! Prepare! Earn your paychecks!"

Bailey had been in...well, what the interns not so affectionately called a murderous mood lately so Scott, Stephanie, and Leah didn't need to be told twice to make themselves scarce. Shane gulped and and ducked his head, getting back to work.

Bailey sat down next to him muttering angrily, "This place is supposed to be a hospital. Not some circus, or Glee episode! We have to get ready, this storm is going to bring in a lot of patients."

Before he could stop himself Shane blurted, "You watch Glee?"

"Ross! Get back to work!"

Realizing after an agonizingly uncomfortable silence that Bailey was watching him, Shane glanced up and nodded, "Um...yes, Ma'am."

Soon, they'd finished pulling and categorizing all of the printed patient files. Bailey next assigned Shane to help her distribute the files to the various floors of the hospital, insuring that the correct patient files would be on the correct floor in the even of a power outage, or electronic system shut down. The job was just as boring as organizing the damned files, but Shane figured he could at least be glad that he was able to walk around. It also gave him the chance to browse the files out of sight, and salivate over the amazing surgical cases he was missing.

As he placed a set of files down in the far end of the ER, Shane took a moment to glance through Murphy's shishka-Bob case. Damn it looked cool. Out of the corner of his eye Shane realized that Dr. Kepner was just down the hall from him, restocking a shelf with more spare supplies. He set the paperwork down and cautiously made his way over to her side.

"Uh, hey Dr. Kepner."

April's face remained unreadable, and she replied simply, without glancing his way, "Ross."

He winced at the cold tone of voice. So, she was definitely still mad at him. Probably with good reason. But Shane didn't want things to stay that way. The more gossip driven side of his personality also was desperate to find out what exactly was going to happen with his mentor's love life so he was a little desperate to regain his privileged observation position. And he missed his friend.

"Look, I'm...I'm sorry about last week, okay?" Shane apologized quietly. "I shouldn't have said that. It was unprofessional, and if there is one thing I'd like to think I've learned from you, it's how to see the boundaries between work talk and not work talk..."

"Okay."

She didn't seem convinced, but at least it was a response. Kepner pursed her lips and drummed her fingers against the edge of the shelf, making the light glint of the new ring she sported on her left finger.

Shane pointed to the band, "Can I see?"

Hesitantly, April extended her hand and he studied the object curiously. It was a simple band. Smooth with a diamond in the center. Nothing too big. Nothing too small. It was in fact, about the most ubiquitously ordinary engagement ring Shane could ever recall seeing. It was the very definition of ordinary. Much like he observed his mentor's relationship with Matthew to be.

Pleasant. Sweet. Functional. But special? Not so far as he'd seen.

All the same, for the sake of his friendship with Kepner, which he cared about most of all, Shane smiled, "It's very beautiful. Congratulations."

Dr. Kepner turned to look at him, eyes wide with uncertainty, "Really?"

"Of course! I just want you to be happy," Shane replied. "Honestly."

It was true. Sure, he kind of thought that April Kepner's chance at fullest happiness might actually be with Avery instead of the paramedic, but he supposed it wasn't exactly his business to tell her what to do.

April hung her head and looked at him sympathetically, "I'm sorry too, Ross. I shouldn't have overreacted that much. Shutting you out of my service is just as unprofessional as anything you said."

Shane nodded and held out his hand, "Friends again? You still willing to teach me a thing or two?"

"Oh!" Kepner shook his offered hand, obviously flustered. "I...I never meant for-I mean, I was just angry...and it was just a sensitive topic. Absolutely. Friends again. I am sure I have more than two things to teach you."

Shane chuckled as he felt the stain in their relationship slowly fade away. He still felt like there was more going on with his mentor than she would admit to, but he couldn't exactly force Kepner to admit to any of it. Not at the expense of their friendship.

So, Shane tilted his head to one side and smirked, "So, a flashmob, huh? That's so 2009! That had to have been a surprise?"

The olive branch of a conversation starter was enough for April to start gushing about the whole thing, in the honest and unguarded way that had become a norm for the two of them. She talked about how Matthew thought of everything. About how he gathered together all his friends and a few of hers and gotten it all together. She talked about a rose and a table and being lifted in the air.

About how Matthew loved her. Wanted her. Knew all this from the moment he laid eyes on her.

As Dr. Kepner talked, she nervously spun her ring around her finger nonstop. It was loose and didn't quite fit.

Shane couldn't help but consider their previous heated conversation. He'd correctly accused her of being afraid. April was afraid to face the feelings she had for a certain plastic surgeon, and even more afraid to lay them out on the line for Avery and the world to see. Staying with Matthew was the most safe option possible for someone that terrified.

Her words, tone excited with an undercurrent of panic, made Shane realize that it was still the biggest issue for her. He still didn't know the details of what went down between the trauma surgeon and Jackson Avery, but he did know that, for whatever reason, April Kepner was still scared.

She might always be scared.

Shane knew enough of her background to know that confidence wasn't one of April's strong points. And life hadn't always been easy for her in many respects.

"I can be happy with him," Kepner concluded smiling perkily, and finishing stocking the last supply shelf, seemingly unaware of the small slip in her word choice.

I can be happy. Not will or am.

Shane didn't point it out and nodded casually. He figured she was actually partially correct. With Matthew, April could be content. And for her, maybe being content might be better than the prospect of being alone. Because as long as her fears continued to get the better of Kepner when it came to being honest with herself and with Dr. Avery, she would be alone, if not for Matthew.

Shane didn't really feel like he was in much of a place to judge April, given his own inability to be honest with Stephanie about his feelings, Heather about his possible feelings and his anger over her taking his spot, or himself about the magnitude of his disappointment over neuro. He liked to believe he was a straight forward and honest sort of person, but it was exceptionally hard to get down and real with yourself. Where was Big Mama Ross when you needed her?

Clearly both Shane and his mentor needed someone to knock some sense into their heads.

"Well, I better keep placing these files or Bailey will probably strangle me," Shane said after a comfortable silence.

April chuckled, "You're probably right. Plus, it really will help to have the hard copies in the event of an IT failure. It's really an important job."

"I guess so."

Turning to walk away, Shane rapped his fingers on the side of his thick stack of patient files. He'd honestly hoped to end up doing something a bot more interesting during the coming storm.

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

Sighing, Shane made his way back into the hospital's main foyer, wincing as the distant clapping of thunder reached his ears. He hadn't had a chance to step outside in 16 hours, but the ominous gray light streaming in from outside, told him that more clouds had certainly rolled in. The storm was a coming alright. Growing up in inner city LA, this was certainly not the kind of weather even Shane was accustomed to.

As he walked up to the nurses station, he passed by Dr. Avery as the older man worked furiously to reshuffle surgical assignments in advance of the storm. The job didn't seem like it needed quite that much gusto to complete, but Shane was positive that the extra firm and very tensely controlled movements from the plastic surgeon were motivated by more than wanting to be efficient during the storm.

But from Shane's vantage point, other than maybe punching his tablet a little too hard, Dr. Avery gave no outward sign of being affected at all by his former best friend turned lover's new almost marital status. His face seemed placid. There was small crease in his forehead and occasionally the guy paused to lick his lips. Other than that, nothing disturbed the nauseatingly perfect features on the plastic surgeons face.

Knowing all that Shane knew? Watching Jackson Avery behave seemingly unbothered by every thing was infuriating.

But he kept his head down and started sorting a another pile of paperwork. The men worked in silence side by side, and after a moment Stephanie walked past carrying a load of spare bed sheets for the cots that now lined every hallway.

Her gaze immediately focused on Dr. Avery almost to the exclusion of everything else. Shane couldn't have been standing more than two feet away from the other man, yet he was completely certain that Stephanie even registered his presence. She lifted her hand in an awkward wave, and cleared her throat before Avery looked up from his work, and gave the surgeon a toothy smile when he did.

"Hello, Dr. Avery. Things going alright up here?"

"Hey," Jackson responded distractedly, looking back down at his tablet, and missing the way that Stephanie's face fell at the blank tone in his voice. "Everything is almost all set up."

"Need any extra help?"

"Nothing you can do," Avery replied shortly, still looking down. "It would be best in an emergency like this to stick with your assigned attending. Things have already gotten behind because of that whole dance thing. We have to stay organized."

"Oh," Stephanie looked pensive. "Of course. See you later?"

Jackson must have heard some of the disappointment in her voice then, because he looked up and met her gaze.

"Yes."

Shane wrinkled his nose as Stephanie lifted the same finger to point at Dr. Avery that she'd used earlier to point his way, "No messing around Dr. Avery."

"I know," Avery said evenly, licking his lips and looking Stephanie's body up and down. "I mean it."

It was all practically gag worthy. The obvious disinterest in everything but the physical was evident in Avery's face, as was the mixture of hurt and hope on Stephanie's. Frankly, it pissed Shane off.

Shane frowned as he watched his friend leave, and he felt the same boldness he had the previous week rise up within him. The whole mess of a situation between April and Jackson was getting ridiculous. And it was well on it's way to hurting two other innocent people. Shane knew that he understood April's side of everything a whole lot better than he understood Avery's, but he had no worries about preserving or caring about any sort of friendship with Dr. Avery.

In continuing to push April about this, Shane had something to lose. With Jackson however, he felt like there was nothing to worry about. He already didn't really like they guy, and it seemed the feeling was mutual from Avery's end. He still couldn't quite justify the interest and the pull he felt to get involved with the situation, aside from his dormant crush on Stephanie, but he was so fed up with watching all the time that he had to speak up to Avery as well.

"I have to say..." Shane remarked casually, catching Avery's attention with a tap on the table. Fishing around for a way into this conversation he commented, "That dance mob thing kinda ruined the song for me. You know?"

Jackson scowled and looked Shane's way, his expression screaming 'why are you even talking to me, you lowly intern underling'. Shane's resolve faltered slightly when it dawned on him that, in fact, he did have something to lose in this conversation after all. His job. How could he have forgotten that Avery was now a hospital board member? Still, Shane was curious and pissed enough to gather his courage and press on. He really had learned nothing from his last confrontation with his mentor it seemed.

"I mean, it's a quality song, but the association with jazz hands is something that can never be unseen."

Avery rolled his eyes, and shook his head skeptically, "It's just a song. Don't get all torn up."

Something in Shane's mind clicked. The opening was there. The part of him that adored wit would even say it was the perfect shape. So, taking a deep breath, he replied, "I'm surprised you are not more torn up."

"What?"

"Okay, maybe torn up isn't quite the right way to describe all this," Shane continued, trying to play it cool. "But...I'm surprised you're not more bothered by Dr. Kepner's engagement."

The plastic surgeon froze and gave an icy stare that made Shane gulp. Of course Avery wasn't going to open up to him. The other surgeon seemed to be watching him closely, trying to size him up.

"Why..." Dr. Avery averted his eyes and swallowed. "Why would I be bothered? She's my friend. I just want her to be happy."

Shane leaned forward, surprised to have gotten a response at all, "I don't pretend to know everything that's gone on-"

"You don't know anything," Jackson snapped going back to his work.

"Kepner talks to me," Shane shook his head. "So does Stephanie. You didn't call her for 11 days. Who does that? I assure you, I know enough, sir. And I watch. I've seen enough."

"And you wonder why Dr. Shepherd kicked you off his service," Avery snorted. "You've turned into a little stalker, Ross."

It was a low blow, but Shane had to wonder whether or not it was true. He'd been blacklisted from most attendings services. This was far from the first time somebody had accused him of being odd and creepy. The very fact that he cared enough about this whole thing between his mentor and the plastic surgeon at all seemed to indicate that Shane might indeed have a tendency to at least become overly involved in things.

Shane blinked and looked at his feet, "Like I said-I don't pretend to know everything that's gone on between you and Dr. Kepner..."

Avery's jaw tightened.

"But I do know a few things: I know she thinks about you, a lot, and whatever happened between you left her very very confused," Shane began counting down on his fingers. "I know that she cares a lot more about Mr. Paramedic than you seem to care about my friend, so I think you have more to lose if this doesn't go your way, and she actually does get married. I also know that you watch Kepner when you think no one else is watching you. And you are almost always in a better mood when you around her-"

"You are way out of line, Ross-"

Shane held up a finger and continued, "A fact, I might add, that has become more glaring obvious in the past few months as it seems you two have been actively avoiding each other, which, in turn, makes being on your service actual hell."

"This isn't law school, and arguing doesn't get you brownie points. I am an attending Dr. Ross, and I deserve respect when being spoken to by an intern!"

Ignoring Dr. Avery again, as a clap of thunder could be heard outside, Shane pressed forward. He figured if his career was going to go down in flames over this, at least he'd say his whole piece. He'd observed enough in the past few months to know what he was talking about.

"I know that there's probably hurt on both sides, and talking about feelings and everything is just...you know, hard, but come on!"

It was getting hard to keep his voice even and casual. Exasperation is a difficult emotion to mask. If it was this aggravating and painful to watch from the sidelines, Shane really had no idea at all how Jackson and April could continue to ignore their emotional elephants in the room.

"Something has to give here. You and Dr. Kepner can't go on like this, can you? Are you even friends anymore? If you guys care about each other, then this is the time to do something about it, man. Time is running out. One of you has to say something, or else you both have to move on. Really move on. Not just games with interns who actually care about you a lot more than 'attending respect' dictates. One way or another, I don't think this can continue. I see that it hurts both of you."

Shane bit his lip, pausing momentarily to consider his next choice of words. He'd already been walking a dangerously close line in terms of revealing things Dr. Kepner had told him in confidence, but he couldn't stop himself from concluding, "I can tell April does care about you, but...I don't know if she's ever going to be brave enough to say it first...and I get her insecurity. But I am not sure I understand yours. If you care man...if there is anything there, you gotta say it. You have to say it."

An unreadable spark flared in Avery's angry gaze at the last phrase. Shane at least felt vindicated in sparking an emotional reaction from someone he found incredibly hard to read. The surgeon's lip curled, "Are you done?"

Shane's shoulders slumped. Yep. There goes your career. He supposed it was fun while it lasted, "Yes..."

"If you ever speak like that to any attending ever again..." Leaning down ominously, Jackson held up one hand, and Shane was certain he was about to get fired when the sound of another voice drew their attention away from the heated exchange.

"Dr. Ross! Where is the next batch of patient files?" Dr. Bailey demanded sternly as she bustled over.

For a moment he was too stunned to respond. Never, in the whole history of his internship at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, had Shane ever been happier to see the small but mighty attending.

"Uh," he fumbled, holding up the stack. "Here?"

But Bailey had already focused her angry attention on Dr. Avery, "I know you don't pay this boy's pay check just to stand around and chit chat. We've got work to do."

Shane could tell that something about Bailey's words pissed Avery off just that much more, because the man squared his shoulders and retorted, "I'm pretty sure earning your paycheck involves actually conducting surgery."

Everyone knew the small general surgeon was still very sensitive about the whole CDC, staff infection issue. Shane knew he'd pissed Avery off if the other doctor was really going there. Bailey took a deep shaky breath, and grabbed the patient files out of Shane's shaking hands, glaring indiscriminately at both men.

Without saying another word, the small woman turned on a dime and began walking away. Shane's panicked gaze darted between her retreating back and Dr. Avery's furious glare. His rescuer was walking away. Maybe he was still screwed...

Over her shoulder, Bailey called out, "I'm walking, Ross! When I walk, you walk."

Shane gasped and followed at break neck speeds. He figured it was only delaying the inevitable, but at least by sticking around Dr. Bailey he could escape the Dr. Avery's wrath at his insubordination. Fancifully, Shane wondered whether it was too much to hope that either he or Jackson might get struck by lightning during the coming storm, so that he could somehow escape the disciplinary action and confrontation he felt sure was coming. He had no idea what had happened to him over the past few months.

Pushing April about her position last week had been one thing (one that hadn't worked out well for him it as it turned out), but nearly yelling about Dr. Avery about his personal life was something else. Lately, Shane felt as stormy as the weather outside, and he wasn't sure how to hold his frustration back. He felt certain that he was right, but he didn't know that he was right to say anything. He followed Bailey around cautiously, keeping a careful eye on Jackson across the room. He couldn't help but mentally note (with interest) that Matthew Jazzhands himself had made his way inside the building and seemed to be talking to Avery. Oh what he'd give to hear that conversation. Maybe Jackson would say something to the guy.

Shane chuckled and shook his head. He really couldn't help himself. He really had gone from suck up to stalker.


	14. Chapter 14

Shane's chest swelled with pride as he looked into the patient room in front of him. Inside the room, Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd, and their daughter Zola looked on happily at their new baby. Well, Meredith and Derek, anyway. Zola seemed decidedly less thrilled. He leaned back against the nurses station next to Brooks as the storm seemed to past and the lights flickered back on. He felt exhilarated.

Power, in Shane's world was both figuratively and literally restored.

"Bailey Ross Shepherd," Shane said smugly, crossing his arms. He bet Derek Shepherd never thought he'd owe him a thing when he took him off neuro. But Shane had a hand in saving Meredith's life.

Payback.

"Now that's a solid name!"

"Sounds more like a law firm to me," Heather commented with a chuckle. "Three last names..."

The comment did nothing to dampen his spirits. Shane felt like a hero. As bad as the storm was, as angry as he knew Dr. Avery was at him, and as dangerous and scary as things had gotten in the OR for Grey when Shane was operating, Shane was on cloud nine.

This was just the kind of breath through he'd needed really. For his surgical career, and personal psyche. Being able to save lives; that's what Shane really loved.

And so when crunch time came, when Dr. Grey's life was in his hands, Shane had had a moment of truth. Suddenly, all his anger and disappointment about being kicked off of neuro evaporated, and all the love he ever had to the job itself, for the simple and momentous act of performing surgery returned to the forefront of his mind. It made Shane feel alive. He finally understood what his mentor meant when she'd told him that being kicked off of neuro wasn't the end of the world.

Practicing medicine was about so much more than surgical specialty.

He sighed dreamily, "That was so awesome."

"Thinking of joining the gyno squad?"

Brooks was goading him. Probably. The words carried that hint of derision that you always heard when people talked about the dreaded 'pink scrub' OB/GYN specialty. Shane didn't know why it was such a big thing really. A holdover from the sexist past, he supposed. And he wanted no part in it.

All surgical fields were valuable. Shane got that now. It didn't matter to him whether he specialized in neuro or not. He just felt privileged to learn to help people.

Pursing his lips, Shane answered defiantly, "So what if I am?"

Heather smirked and nudged his arm, "You'll look cute in pink scrubs."

They heard the squeak of running sneakers behind them and turned around at the noise. Leah came bounding over to them and leaned forward to peer into the window at the new family too.

"So you didn't kill Medusa..."

"No, I didn't," Shane scowled and moved to leave. He didn't need to be insulted or teased. Not tonight. This was a good night for him.

"Ha!" Murphy continued with excitement, patting her chest proudly. "Happy endings don't count then. I had the best storm."

Brooks looked skeptical, "The best? It's a storm. It kind of sucks."

"I mean, in terms of surgical opportunities!" Leah explained with exasperation. "For once, I actually came out on top!"

Shane scowled. Leah wasn't his favorite intern, or really much of a friend, but he'd made a promise to himself to give her a more fair shake. And she looked so excited. So he questioned, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, all Brooks did a boring brain surgery..."

Heather shrugged, "It wasn't...that boring."

The words rang hollow and Shane bristled slightly. How could it be that someone with such a talent for neuro didn't get a thrill every time she touched a brain?

"And you helped Bailey save Dr. Grey," Leah continued in excitement, turning to Shane.

"Yeah..."

"But I just did 3 solo procedures! And set a radical dislocation. By myself! We had a bus crash, right in front of the hospital and we had to evac the whole thing, and then it actually exploded! So, as you can imagine, all the attendings had their hands pretty full. Which meant I actually got to be a doctor instead of a glorified assistant."

Shane's eyes widened. He'd known that things had gotten dicey and mad in the pit, but sequestered reasonably safely in Meredith's OR as he'd been, he realized he missed a lot.

"It exploded?" he asked, shocked. Buses could hold a lot of people. "Is everyone okay? Was it really bad?"

He knew so many people working down there, aside from Leah herself. And there'd already been so many patients. What had happened to Hunt and Torres? His intern buddy Wallace? And what of his mentor? Heck, even though he'd just had a fight with Jackson Avery, Shane worried for the aggravating plastic surgeon. If only for April's sake.

Leah waved a dismissive hand, "Nah. We got all the patients out before it exploded. Just barely. Avery rescued this kid just as it blew up, so he's out of commission...he's super lucky."

Heather and Shane's eyes grew wide. Leah turned to Brooks and gushed, "It was actually totally hot. We all thought he'd be a goner when the bus exploded and then he kind of just emerged from the ashes as it were, carrying this little kid...so yeah..hot."

"Wait what?"

Avery had nearly gotten blown up? Shane could hardly believe it. Only hours previous, they'd been exchanging harsh words. He was by no means a big fan of the often scowling board member, but he didn't wish him ill. Shane thought the guy was a bit arrogant and full of himself, but from Kepner knew that Jackson must have something to love. Besides his annoying good looks. He was well liked for the most part among interns and attendings alike. That had to count for something.

Leah's eyes widened with glee, as she remembered a new fact to add, "Oh yeah! He got a couple of cracked ribs. Busted shoulder. He'll be fine, but you should have seen it! Dr. Kepner just lost her shit!"

Heather and Shane's eyes widened with shock as Murphy slowly emphasized the last three words.

"Twice! Ran toward the burning bus, and then started beating the crap out of Avery when Dr. Torres was setting his ribs. Talk about crazy..."

Shane swallowed. He was hardly surprised. He knew how much April loved Jackson Avery, even if she herself didn't know how to admit it. Only love could make a person do something as dangerous and illogical as running toward burning bus.

Leah went on to explain some of her own exploits during the storm, even as the tail end of the weather still raged outside. Shane was distracted though. He was worried about his mentor. Dr. Kepner had taught him a lot, but she was also a friend. She even stuck by him, when everyone else thought he was weird and creepy after getting removed from Shepherd's service. Her reaction to the night's events and his involvement in her situation with Dr. Avery, gave Shane concern. April might need some support this evening.

Since the lights and power were restored, he figured that the situation overall was more calm than earlier in the night. Before excusing herself, Bailey had even told Shane he could take a moment to himself after assisting her with Dr. Grey. He didn't have any immediately pressing patients, so Shane quickly excused himself from his friends. Leah continued to recount her evening, while Heather watched curiously. She caught his eye as he was leaving and gave Shane a wink, and he could have sworn she'd guessed what the real purpose of his leaving was. It seemed that Brooks knew he was leaving in search of Kepner.

As he moved quickly through the newly illuminated halls of Grey Sloan, Shane reflected a moment on Heather Brooks. She really was a total space cadet. It totally defied logic that she should even be gifted in medicine at all, let alone neuro surgery. Just talking to her you'd have to wonder whether or not you would trust her to babysit your pet rock, never mind operate on your brain. And yet, she also had this strange wisdomy sort of vibe about life that Shane couldn't ignore. It literally seemed like nothing got to her. Heather was the epitome of going with the flow, and she seemed to understand life and stress in a way that Shane just couldn't. He realized now that he wasn't mad at her anymore over working with Dr. Shepherd.

Brooks was an enigma. Now, rather than anger, Shane felt curiosity. Maybe even affection. Or...something.

Assuming that a "lost her shit" Kepner would be throwing herself into some gory trauma case downstairs in the pit, Shane searched for her there first. He wondered through the rows of emergency beds lined up in what was normally used as the waiting room and scanned the crowd in vain, smiling awkwardly to reassure curious patients that his urgent searching was actually nothing for them to worry about.

"Hey!" a voice pulled Shane from his mission. "Dr...Ross, right?"

"Uh, yeah..." he frowned. It was Mr. Paramedic. April's brand new fiance. Not the person Shane was looking for.

Matthew's forehead was tense and he scratched the back of his head awkwardly, frowning deeply, "Um...hi...sorry. I was just...er, wondering. Do you know where April-I mean, Dr. Kepner-do you know where she is? Have you seen her?"

Looked as though the other man had the same mission as Shane. He was uncertain as to why the other man was actually present in the hospital, but it was clear to Shane that Matthew was rattled by more than the storm.

He swallowed and tried to answer as neutrally as possible, deliberately not giving away the fact that he was looking for April as well, "No, I haven't. She's probably busy with patients...the power was out for a long time, and there was a bus explosion earlier so..."

A broken look flickered across the taller man's face, "I know that. I saw the bus. We...were there together in front of it, actually. We saw Dr. Avery rescue that girl..."

"Oh," Shane's eyes widened.

If Matthew had been present during April's freak out over Jackson potentially blowing up, then he almost certainly had an idea now that something was up. He was a bit of a bland sort of guy, and lord knew he lacked the observational prowess of someone like Shane, but he wasn't stupid. Actually, Shane found the other man to be a nice enough sort of guy. The kind of guy the word 'affable' was invented for. He wasn't offensive or really all that memorable. He was ordinary. And Shane couldn't exactly blame the guy for loving Dr. Kepner. It was just bad luck for him that she was already in love with someone else.

"I-I don't think April's working with patients now," Matthew continued sadly. "Dr. Torres made her take a walk after...after..."

"After the explosion?" Shane supplied.

"After Dr. Avery survived the explosion," the paramedic sighed, gloomily. "April was upset. Very upset."

Shane cleared his throat awkwardly, "Yeah, well...you know they've been friends for years..."

"Really?" Matthew looked confused. "Seems like they hardly talked since I've known her."

"Well," Shane fumbled. "There's always, uh...an ebb and flow to friendships..."

Everything 'non-friendly' going on between Jackson and April had strained things between them, but Matthew probably wasn't privy to all the information Shane was. After all, he'd proposed to Dr. Kepner only that morning.

Blinking rapidly, Matt sniffed and muttered, "I was in an explosion too."

"Um, yeah..." Shane said quietly. "I remember."

Chuckling humorlessly and scowling as a scratchy voice crackled from the radio pinned to his hip, the pained looking paramedic conceded, "April didn't get that upset about me..."

Shane winced, even more uncertain about what to say to Matthew. Maybe he'd underestimated some of Mr. Paramedics ability to observe things after all.

The radio crackled again, and an irritated woman's voice demanded, "Taylor? Where are you? Command's gotten us another rig. We've got calls to answer."

Matthew sighed and fished the small black object from his waist, "Ten-four Nicole. I'm on my way."

With his posture still downcast, the paramedic turned to leave, "Dr. Ross?"

"Yes?"

"Um, if you see her, will you tell April to call me? I think we have to talk..."

"Sure."

Shane nodded and waved awkwardly as the man quickly exited the crowded ER level. Now his curiosity was doubly piqued. Whatever happened with Kepner and Avery after the explosion was obviously huge. Big enough that finally it seemed that even Matt couldn't deny that there was obviously more than friendship between the two surgeons.

Despite himself, Shane felt a wave of excitement. If Matthew knew something was up, and Leah's account of his mentor's reaction to Dr. Avery's brush with death, then maybe at long last the stalemate between the surgical fellows had broken. For far too long, at least as far as Shane was concerned, neither Jackson nor April would admit their feelings to each other. Frustrating for him, given as much as he knew, and agonizing for them. If this explosion changed things...

Shane was dying to talk to April, unnaturally curious about the whole situation.

Even more eager to locate his mentor Shane power walked through the packed waiting room, sparing only the briefest of glances outside to the still smoldering bus. When he didn't find Kepner there, he doubled back along the long hallway of trauma bays, temporarily curtained off for patient beds. Scanning the area, Shane didn't see any immediate sign of her either, he paused at a nurses station and hung his head, racking his brains as to where else his friend and teacher would go in a crisis.

At that moment, with his head bent down, Shane caught a glimpse of a pair of red sneakers beneath a closed curtain. He grinned. Results. He knew those shows. Approaching cautiously, knowing that the space may well be occupied by a patient as well as Dr. Kepner, Shane made his way over to the curtain, listening carefully.

His eyes widened as he heard the conversation going on inside, and Shane practically had to bite his tongue to keep from cheering out loud.

"I want you," April announced tearfully to the person Shane knew could only be Jackson Avery. "I haven't been fair to you, I know-and I've...I've really hurt you..."

"You're getting married," Jackson flatly replied.

Shane scowled. Come on, Avery. Get it together. He still wasn't privy to all the details of the failed relationship between Jackson and April, but Shane knew this was big.

Bigger than big.

He knew how utterly huge it was for his mentor to put herself out there in this way. Caution Kepner's modus operandi through and through, if you'd told him mere hours previous that a confrontation like this would actually be happening? April telling Jackson that she wanted him? Shane would have thought it was impossible. He'd never have believed it.

April continued to speak, plowing ahead as thought she hadn't even heard the plastic surgeon's protest. "When that bus exploded...I thought you were gone-"

"You're getting married," Avery repeated in a softer tone, in light of Kepner's obvious emotion. It was like that was all he could say, and Shane was internally both satisfied and disgusted that Avery's response to Kepner's declaration included no mention of Stephanie Edwards.

There was a long pause before April spoke again, and her next sentence made Shane's jaw drop.

"Unless you can give me a reason not to."

Oh, would that he could see the expression on Avery's face now.

Only hours ago, Shane had essentially told the other man that he would have to make a move first, because April was too scared to do so. So scared, in fact, that she had been willing to settle for a marriage to Matthew. No one would have been able to account for the impact of a near death experience at the time.

But it was clear that facing the prospect of losing Jackson Avery, actually losing him in death, was enough to jump start April's inner bravery. Earlier in the day, Shane had told Jackson that something in this situation had to give. Looked like the storm had done it for Dr. Kepner. She wasn't scared anymore.

Now, what remained to be seen, was whether or not Dr. Avery was still afraid.

Shane felt his excitement falter a little bit as the pregnant pause grew into a hollow silence. Jackson didn't say a longer the silence became, the more clear it was.

That arrogant, pretty-assed idiot. Shane shook his head. Jackson wasn't going to give a reason. He could only imagine what April felt like in this moment. He was only an observer, and this felt crushing. For April it must have been ten times worse.

"You're...you're not going to say anything, are you?" her shaky voice cut into the silent air.

"April-"

"No-no..it's f-fine...I'm sorry-"

"April," Jackson repeated. "You're upset and-"

"Yes! Yes, I am!" April retorted emphatically. "But now I know how I feel! I know how I feel about Matt and it's not what I feel about you. I know it. For the first time I know. But...I guess, you don't feel the same way. I thought-well, at least now I know for sure."

"Wait just a minute..."

Before anything else could happen a piercing noise emanated from Shane's pager. Damn it! He gasped and tried to muffle the sounds, panicked that his cover was getting blown at such an unfortunate moment. Everyone else at the hospital thought Shane was a creeper. Now his mentor would catch him spying on her. Great. Shane's brow furrowed deeply when he read the short message blinking on his pager.

ER 911 on Webber.

On Webber. Not with Webber. Shane's confusion grew. That on earth had happened to the old chief?

April flung open the exam room curtain, coming face to face with a startled Shane.

"What's going on?" she demanded, pointing to her own pager.

His eyes widened and for a moment he thought he was about to get chewed out. After all, even though the curtained off room wasn't technically private from the rest of the hallway, there could be no doubt that the conversation he'd just overheard was supposed to be private.

"Uh," he fumbled, griping his pager and thinking on his feet. His wasn't the only pager going off. "I-I came to get you; it's Dr. Webber."

"What's going on with Dr. Webber?" April asked again, wiping her tear streaked cheeks.

"Uh, they don't know," Shane half lied. Technically, he didn't know. "But it's 911..."

Glancing over his mentor's shoulder, Shane was surprised at the note of concern that quickly fell across Jackson Avery's features. He'd been hoping to see some sort of remnants of his response to Kepner's confession, possibly even hinting at some sort of reply. But as ever, Avery was barely readable.

"Come on, Ross," April said, shifting into trauma mode. "Let's move."

Shane began to follow her until a voice stilled their foot steps.

"Wait," Jackson said, leaning forward, and looking at Dr. Kepner intensely. "April, I-are you sure you can...?"

"I can do my job," the trauma surgeon huffed. "I apparently can't do a lot of things, Jackson, but I can do my job."

Kepner didn't linger to hear if Avery had any response, leading Shane urgently toward the elevator. Once they were standing inside, and safely on their way to the OR, Shane stole a glance to his right, taking in his mentor as the carriage sped to the operating level. She faced straight ahead, jaw set, staring resolutely at the doors in front of them. April had clearly been crying in her confrontation with Avery, but it was clear she was using the short elevator ride to the OR to collect herself in preparation for the surgery.

Shane swallowed, "Um..."

Kepner didn't look at him. Her cheeks flushed deeper than he'd ever seen.

"Did you hear more of that than you should have?"

Gulping deeply, his eyes darted around the elevator, "Probably."

April nodded, and swallowed hard. She still wouldn't look at him, and Shane felt immediately guilty. He couldn't tell if she was mad at him or embarrassed or just sad about what had just happened with Jackson. As much as he as her student and friend cared and more than occasionally snooped in on the happenings of his mentor's love life, he knew that it was not really his place to know everything. He felt a little tainted. He knew he'd inadvertently overheard something deeply personal and far more private than anything he'd listened in on before.

"Are you alright?" Shane said, unable to stand the silence.

The elevator came to a stop and April stepped out into the bustling hallway. She glared over her shoulder, and Shane shrugged apologetically.

"I'm just worried about you, Dr. Kepner," he sighed, following closely.

"I'll live."

The deflated posture and slumped shoulders did little to reassure Shane. He had no idea what the emergency with Dr. Webber was, but if they needed a trauma surgeon, he figured it had to be serious. And, given what he'd just overheard, Shane figured April had to be devastated. Understandably so. But if Webber needed surgery, then he'd need a surgeon who was capable of caring for him. He had his worries about his mentor.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Shane ventured again.

April paused as they approached the OR scrub room, and regarded him seriously, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. She still looked down cast and she swallowed hard.

"I appreciate your concern, Shane. I really do," Kepner explained to him briefly. "I-I...I'm not really okay about...that. But I can compartmentalize...I'll be okay for this. We've lost and...almost lost enough people in this freakin' place. Whatever Webber needs, I can do that. I have to be alright for this."

And she was.

After they entered the busy scrub room, Dr. Hunt greeted them, and explained that Dr. Webber had been electrocuted. He was responsible for restoring the emergency power in to the entire hospital, but the action had cost him dearly. Shane actually hadn't come across that many electrocutions in his short time as an intern and none as bad as what he found when he joined, Dr. Kepner, Hunt, Bailey, and Yang in the OR to treat the former Chief of surgery.

The faint smell of burning flesh was the first smell that reached Shane's nostrils after they scrubbed in and entered the room, and despite the fact that he'd encountered burns and even electrocutions in the ER before, he gagged a bit. Because it was Webber, and he knew Webber. And this was bad.

A really bad electrocution.

"Are you okay?" his mentor turned Shane's earlier question back around on him as he moved to stand beside her on the far side of the OR table.

Breathing deeply through his nostrils behind his mask, Shane nodded shortly. He would be. He had to be. For Webber.

"Good," April said, standing next to Cristina and gesturing to their patient. "Do what I say, okay?"

And so, for the second time that night, Shane worked alongside attendings to save the life of one of their own. And it wasn't easy. Webber's body had taken a severe hit. The current of the electricity that had coursed through the man's body had reeked havoc with his heart rhythum. Shane knew Yang was good, but the damage was severe and it felt like it took her forever to stabilize.

Working with Kepner and Hunt, Shane helped to set the myriad of broken bones that riddled Richard's limbs, snapped by the strong muscle contractions brought on by electrocution. The whole thing was gritty and painful and terrifying, but after many hours, to Shane's great surprise, Webber was stable. He'd survived the surgery at least.

Whether he'd ever wake up remained to be seen, but at the very least they could all say that they'd done there very best to give the former chief of surgery a fighting chance. And looking at the attendings around him, Shane couldn't help but be impressed. Despite the harrowing day he knew they'd all already had, each of them brought there very best to the procedure.

Bailey had had a rocky road back to doing surgery after the whole CDC investigation. And now in one night she'd had to save the lives of not just one, but two of her close colleagues.

Shane didn't pretend to know much of anything going on between Dr. Yang and Chief Hunt, other then the fact they they used to be married, split up, and occasionally still...enjoyed one and other's company. But he was nothing if not an observant person, and he'd always sensed a tension between the two surgeons. Yet, whatever issues there were, both Hunt and Yang were able to put them aside in order to care for Dr. Webber.

And then of course, there was April. Shane had heard exactly what had happened in her life right before the surgery, so he was certainly impressed with her ability to suck it up and carry on.

That's just what attendings did, he supposed.

Someday Jo, Stephanie, Leah, Heather, himself, and all the interns would develop the skill to launch into it all so effectively that they wouldn't need to stop to breathe either. Either that or wash out.

After the surgery Shane helped his teacher settle Webber into his recovery room. He sighed ruefully. In this tight and desperate of a situation, getting one of the precious few remaining private recovery rooms, didn't really bode well. He really hoped everything would turn out okay from Webber. Kepner looked concerned too, and judging by the tightness at the corners of her mouth and the crease in her brow, Shane would say that the impact of this stormy night was finally beginning to sink in for her. He felt bad. Shane didn't really know what to say.

"Uh," he fumbled, looking at Richard's unconscious form. "Do you think he'll make it?"

April shrugged, gently adjusting one of the monitors that tracked Webber's cardio status, "I hope so. Making it through surgery is a good sign."

It wasn't something Shane didn't already know.

They both jumped when the door burst open. From his side of Webber's bed, Shane watched his mentor's jaw drop when she realized who stood in the doorway. Turning his head to see for himself, Shane's eyes widened. It was none other then a sling laden Jackson Avery. Not at all who Shane would have expected to show up.

Avery tilted his head and swallowed as his gaze flicked from Webber's still form to April's stiff posture. The plastic surgeon winced and shoved his free hand into his pocket as he tentatively stepped into the room. Kepner didn't look him in the eye.

"How is he?" Jackson asked, after an awkward silence.

Kepner looked down at Webber and continued (unnecessarily, Shane noticed) to arrange the old man's monitors. Allowing his eyes to dart back and forth between the two, Shane could tell that April didn't want to answer.

"April," Jackson pressed again. "My...my mom will wanna know..."

What? Shane's brow furrowed. That was a little out of left field to him, and to his surprise his mentors expression softened. She didn't think it was strange at all that Jackson Avery's mother would be interested in knowing Richard Webber's medical status.

Lifting her gaze to Jackson's, April replied softly, "He's stable. We'll know more in a few hours."

"Right..." Jackson bit his lip and took another step closer to the bed, glancing over to Shane apprehensively. He didn't need an interpreter to understand what that kind of a glare meant. Shane didn't need to be told twice. The two attendings, old friends, and whatever else needed to talk.

Making one final adjustment to Webber's IV line, Shane scooted away from the bed, wincing as his sneakers squeaked on the tile floors. He cleared his throat and made a break for the doors, mumbling, "I...I'm just gonna go..."

He quickly walked out of the room, making and immediate sharp turn to the left before crouching down low around the corner and out of sight. Shane knew it was kind of nosey, but damned if he didn't desperately want to know what was going on between Kepner and Avery. He'd already snooped enough on them. One more time wasn't going to break any camel's back.

However, getting discovered certainly would. Shane scowled as he saw Heather Brooks striding curiously toward him from the other end of the hall. She opened her mouth and he started gesturing wildly for her to shut up and not blow his cover. He held a finger to his lips, and had to hold back a laugh when Brooks immediately crouched down as well, facing him from the opposite side of the doorway, mouthing 'What's going on?'

Shane tapped his ear and tilted his head toward the open doorway as his mentor spoke again.

"You've called your mother?" April asked.

"Yeah," Jackson replied. "She's catching the first flight she can here actually..."

Heather looked as puzzled as Shane felt about why exactly Catherine Avery cared what was going on with Webber. But he could tell that Brooks knew why Shane was squatting in a hallway listening to his mentor and the man she wanted. She also had joined him, so it was clear that she understood why as well. And didn't judge. In fact, sh'd joined him. they both leaned their heads closer to the wall, listening as best they could.

Stephanie or Jo and even Leah wouldn't have acted the same. Jo would have teased him, Stephanie would have rolled his eyes, or worse blown his cover (the latter being more likely given her fling with Avery) and Leah wouldn't have gotten his hand signals at all. But Heather was just quirky enough to take it all in stride. That was nice.

"Well yeah," April continued. Her voice still sounded a bit more muffled than Avery's so Shane figured that she was still facing away from the plastic surgeon. "She loves him, and he almost died. It's important."

There was a long pause before Jackson asked, "Why?"

"Almost losing someone can be very...clarifying."

A gleam filled Shane's eyes when he realized that once again, under the guise of talking about one thing, Kepner and Avery had slipped once again into speaking about themselves. Maybe it was easier for them that way. He grinned at Heather.

"Clarifying, for how long?" Jackson pressed. "I mean, if she gets here and he recovers? Then she'll go back to Boston. Everything will go back to the way it was before."

"You can't know that..." April countered.

Despite his obvious exhaustion, there was an edge in the Jackson's voice, "How do I know things will be different?"

He wouldn't. Shane knew that there were no guarantees in this whole deal. All's not so fair in love, war, and all of that. You have to take a risk somewhere along the line. There was no way to be certain about anything. Then again, Avery would never know what he was missing out on either. Unless he took that risk. Hopefully the plastic surgeon would figure that out.

"I...I understand how I feel now," April offered. "And maybe I...I mean, we both made mistakes before. So, I will be different. Will you?"

Shane bounced his knee nervously as a long silence passed between his two teacher. Across the open doorway, Heather quietly snickered. The anticipation was killing him.

Finally, Avery began to speak in halting phrases, "Look, April...I can't...I don't know how to...dance."

Heather held a hand to her mouth to contain the giggles and Shane scowled in confusion. What the hell did dancing have to do with anything?

"What?"

Apparently Kepner didn't follow Jackson's words either. She was usually the one who's words didn't always come together easily.

"I mean," Avery explained more slowly. "I'm not the kind of person who...I don't have a big flash mob for you or...and there are probably a lot of good reasons why I shouldn't say anything. I should just let you marry Matthew and be happy. There's no reason I should take that away from you."

Shane took a risk and peered around the door frame, watching intently as his mentor shook her head and looked at her hands.

"I want you, Jackson."

Avery watched Kepner intently, biting his bottom lip worriedly. It was like whatever was going on in his head was freaking him out. Heather leaned forward and dared to watch with Shane.

Jackson opened his mouth and finally spoke again, "I want you too..."

'Yes!' Shane mouthed pulling his arm down in front of him in a victory fist pump, making Brooks roll her eyes.

"And the reason I want you..." Avery eyes widening in surprise as he concluded. "The reason...is I think-I think I love you."

Tears filled April's eyes and she stutteringly asked, "Really?"

As difficult as the admission had appeared to be for Jackson, having said it, Shane thought the other man looked more relaxed. Lighter even. He tentatively held out his good hand, and April took it and they laced their fingers together.

"Yeah." Jackson was smiling now. "I've never been in love before. Not really..."

April started to cry harder and wiped her eyes with one hand, "N-neither have I."

The grin on Shane's face sunk so deeply into his cheeks that they almost hurt. He was happy. This was as much as he'd ever wanted for his mentor these past few months. Even if everything wasn't resolved. With Matt. And Stephanie. Even with the issues that ruined things between Kepner and Avery the first time.

But now at least both attendings knew exactly how the other person felt. That was more than they'd had all year. Totally progress.

"Brooks! Ross!" A booming voice drew their attention away from Dr. Webber's room. "What on earth are you doing down there?"

Heather and Shane were not the only ones startled by Dr. Bailey's stern voice. Jackson and April both turn to the doorway, looking on in confusion as they saw Shane and Heather's heads peering around the door. When his gaze met his teacher's, Shane looked sheepish. It was the second time this evening he'd been caught sort of spying on her. She didn't seem mad though. Kepner only shook her head and smiled at him fondly.

"Uh! Uh...I dropped my..." Heather fumbled, lifting a hand to her chest. "My silver necklace. I think I lost it earlier...Ross is just helping me..."

"Yes," he agreed, trying to look as sincere as possible under Bailey's piercing gaze. "I was helping."

The lie seemed to do the trick, and the short general surgeon made her way into Webber's room, "Kepner? Any changes to his condition?"

"His condition is still stable," April said, clearing her throat. "And he is comfortable, so..."

Bailey nodded shortly and then looked between her two former residents with suspicion. "Avery! Aren't you supposed to be recovering?"

"I was just..." Jackson scowled. "Checking on Webber...you know...for my mom..."

"Yes!" April added a little too quickly.

"So...I'll just get back to...um...resting," Jackson fumbled, side stepping Bailey and looking back to April pointedly. "We will talk later, okay?"

"Okay."

Dr. Bailey still looked suspicious, and under the older woman's glare, April seemed uncomfortable. Not long after Avery made her exit, Kepner made excuses to leave as well.

"I've got to get back to the ER."

As the trauma surgeon passed through the doorway and by Shane, she smirked and socked him softly in the shoulder. Shaking his head he watched her receding figure down the long hallway. What a turn of events. Love added a whole other layer. Everything would be different for Kepner and Avery now.

Shane knew there were still many messes to fix up. April would have to end things with Matthew. And the end, Shane would probably have to help Steph. Because he just knew Avery was going to dump her. he had to. Glancing over to where Heather still sat next to him in the hallway, Shane sighed. He'd have to figure out how he felt about Stephanie.

"Well, that was fun," Brooks caught his eye and they both burst out laughing.

And Heather. He'd have to figure out how he felt about her too. And romances in residency over all.

But he was happy. He felt on better professional footing, and he was happy his mentor had worked out with Jackson. In Kepner's words, the night was very 'clarifying'. Shane felt better about his life, and life in general than he had in a long time. And he had a feeling April felt the very same way. Things were gonna be okay.

"Don't you two have work to do?" An agitated Bailey demanded from beside Webber's bed. "Stand up and disperse!"

Shane sighed and smiled broadly as he pushed to his feet before offering Brooks a helping hand.

What a night.


End file.
